


The Journey of Oneness

by criss_cross_applesauce



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Boundaries, Drug Use(Pyschedelics), F/F, F/M, Fusion, Gem Fusion, Oneness, Romance, Spiritual, Suggestive Themes, True Love, Unconditional Acceptance, Unconditional Love, dark night of the soul, ego death, implied suicidal thoughts, transcendence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-20
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2019-03-21 22:08:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 49
Words: 62,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13750188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/criss_cross_applesauce/pseuds/criss_cross_applesauce
Summary: This is a guide written into the form of a story, so don’t misuse it! :D I’m writing this so that whoever reads this will be ready to have a partner who truly loves them.The story takes place somewhere between 3-4 years after the episode Jungle Moon.Enjoy!





	1. The Journey Begins

Ronaldo is walking down through the beach, out of view of Frybo’s, in the evening when he notices something falling from the sky. It lands at his feet and naturally he picks it up. It seemed to be some sort of strange tech from an unknown alien civilization! Sweet, what I find, he thinks to hisself. He pulls out his phone to add another post to his blog. That’s when he notices the object starting to wind up by itself. A sharp needle comes out of the insect shaped object and quickly stings him. He instinctively pulls the needle out and throws the object to the ground. It self-destructs after administering whatever was in it.

“Arrrgh. What in the galaxy was that?”

“Ronaldo! RONALDO!”

“Huh? Oh, hey ‘lil bro. What do you want from your most magnificent brother?” He turns his head up to the sky puts his fingers to his forehead and smiles with his eyes closed.

“Your break has been over for about half an hour now, and I need you to deliver this.”

“Ugh. Don’t you know that I’m in the middle of an important investigation! This could blow the whole lid on the polymorphic sentient rock people conspiracy!” He says with his arms crossed.

Peedee furrows brow and slumps his head forward. “...Right. So, will you deliver this, or will have to do your job again?” He holds up hands with the items he brought.

“Fine. Fine. I guess the world can wait.” Ronaldo grabs the bag of food and the paper with address on it from Peedee’s hands.

“Thanks! Don’t take too long!” Peedee runs back to Frybo’s.

Ronaldo reads the address. “WHAT THE-! PEEDEE, THIS ADDRESS IS WAY OUT OF TOWN!”

He sighs to hisself. The things that get in the way of greatness. He watches his brother as he disappears from sight then he notices that strange lines are spreading where that weird insect alien device bit him. He starts to feel like he’s going to float off into space.

“Whoa. What’s going on?” His vision starts to blur.

“I feel like I’m gonna-” Ronaldo falls down into the sand.

Ronaldo lays face down in the sand for about ten minutes until Steven and Connie show up.

“Heheheh. And here thought my dad’s puns were horrible.” Connie almost can’t say through her snorting laughter.

“Hey! What can I say, Connie?” Steven drops down to the sand and starts rolling.

“I’m on a roll today!”

Connie chases after him while both of them are giggling. However, she stops when she sees Ronaldo laying face down in the sand. Steven continues rolling and giggling, but stops when he see that Connie stopped.

“What’s wrong?”

“Steven, I think something’s wrong with Ronaldo...” She points over to where he is.

Steven gets up and looks over in that direction. “Huh? Ronaldo?”

They walk over to him together.

“Hey! What are doing laying in the sand like that?”

Ronaldo didn’t respond.

“Uh.” Steven crouches down and rolls him over. What they see makes them gasp in bewilderment. Steven falls back in the sand and Connie jumps back a little bit. Ronaldo is unconscious, but his eyes are wide open and his pupils are dilated so much that only the black can be seen. He has strange glowing markings all over his face. They are in the pattern that mimics a cheetah.

“What on Earth is those markings?”

“I don’t know.”

Connie crouches down and checks his pulse.

“Well, he has a pulse, but it’s really slow. And he’s burning up!” She puts her hand to his forehead.

“Yikes! It’s even worse than I thought. Steven, we gotta do something.”

“Uhh. Maybe we should take him to the hospital?” Steven asked.

“Hmm. I’m not sure they’ll know what’s wrong with him. This definitely doesn’t look like a normal disease. But maybe they can keep him from dehydrating or overheating.”

Steven grabs hold of Ronaldo and starts dragging him to his house. Lion is laying next to the front door. It takes Steven a minute to lug him all the way up the stairs.

“Lion! I need you to take us to the hospital.” Lion opens his eyes. He yawns and stretches his legs and goes back to resting.

“Lion!”

Steven and Connie were about to try to wheedle Lion into doing what they want when Garnet interrupts them.

“He needs to stay with us for now.” Garnet says after opening the front door.

“Huh?”

“If you take him to the hospital he will not survive this.” Garnet says pushing her visor up.

It takes around half an hour for Garnet, Steven, and Connie to get Pearl and Amethyst in the room. When they all meet in Steven’s room, they gather around Ronaldo, who is still unconscious in Steven’s bed. Pearl puts her hand to her mouth. Garnet just stands against the wall with arms crossed.

“Dude. That doesn’t look good at all.”

“I thought we had destroyed those several millennia ago.” Pearl mumbles to herself.

“What’s wrong with Ronaldo?” Steven asks.

Garnet gives a stoic response, “Gem Nanites.”

“What are those?”

“Old Homeworld technology. They were meant to augment a gem’s abilities. But they were discontinued.” Pearl explains.

“Why’s that?”

“They had the tendency to eventually shatter the gems they were injected in.”

“How do you know if it’s those are those nanny thingies?”

“The glowing lines.” Garnet interjects.

Steven looks over at Ronaldo with concern.

“Well, do you know what happens when a human is injected with them?”

“Looks like his immune system is responding poorly.” Connie added.

Ronaldo shoots up starts to shout. “THE DIAMOND AUTHORITY?!”

They all turn their heads to him.

“They did this to you? But why would rock people destroy their own kind’s minds?”

He falls back into the bed and is in a catatonic state again.

“Is he talking about-” Steven starts.

“Corruption?” They all say in unison?


	2. Ronaldo’s in Trouble

Steven stares at Ronaldo’s listless body. “Garnet. What do we do?” He pleads.

“You will need to go into Ronaldo’s mind, but...”

“But?”

Garnet puts her hand on Ronaldo’s forehead.

“He’s not in his mind right now.”

“Huh?”

“I don’t know _where_ he is. I only know that he is somewhere else.”

“I seem to remember something that would help in a situation like this.” Pearl says reflectively.

“Wh-what? What is it? Tell us, Pearl!”

“Steven, I don’t even know if any are left or if they even still work.”

“Well we’ve gotta try! We can’t just leave him like this! Where are they?”

“Well, the last known location of them, which we could never find, was at the Lunar. Sea...”

“Spire. Darn it. Not this again. How many times will this failure haunt me?”

They all hear the warp pad activate.

“Lapis, why’d you have to take the barn too? I haven’t found anywhere I can truly call home ever since you left. Apparently, humans go through this too, except they call it ‘divorce’, why not just call it losing all of your stuff?” Peridot mutters to herself. She opens the bathroom door, but then she notices everyone is standing around. Out of curiosity she investigates.

“Why are you standing around him? And, more importantly, why is he glowing!”

“Oh hey Peridot. We were just talking about ways to help my friend, Ronaldo. Apparently he has gem nano something or other.”

“Gem nanites.” Pearl corrects.

“Hmm. I seem to have remember reading about those a while back. It was very old Era 1 tech, and if memory serves correct they had to stop using them, because the rejection rate was so high, around 97%.”

Peridot climbs up and leans in closer to examine Ronaldo. “Ah ha! And I remember reading about glowing lines like too.”

“So, what do you plan to do?” Peridot asks.

“Pearl says we need this thing to get to where Ronaldo is. But, because of my stupid mistake, they’re at the bottom of the ocean now!”

Peridot crosses her arms. If only she could retrieve them using her powers. Like if she could bring Steven’s toothbrush from out of the bathroom using telekinesis. Wishful thinking, she thinks to herself, she only knows how to move metal and doesn’t even know if she has the power to move anything that isn’t metal.

“Maybe I could go through the warp pad in my bubble!”

“That’s a little risky, don’t you think?” Connie asks.

“Connie’s right, Steven. You shouldn’t do anything rash. After all, getting lost within warp area is not a good idea.” Pearl adds.

Steven was about to say something in response, but they all stop talking when they see Steven’s toothbrush going toward Peridot. She was so lost in thought that she hadn’t even noticed what was going on.

“Peridot, why is my toothbrush floating next to you?”

“H-huh?” Peridot looks side to side and when she sees his toothbrush she jumps back a little bit. “I-I did it!”

“Steven! I can help!” Peridot grabs his toothbrush and points it at him. “I can get that piece of technology for you!”

“Peridot, are you sure you can do that?” Pearl inquires.

“Well yeah. I think as long as I know what it looks like, and I’m in the general vicinity of it, then yes! Probably.” She gives Steven his toothbrush.

Peridot turns to face Pearl. “So, what does this ancient piece of tech look like? There weren’t any pictures in the records.”

Pearl uses her gem to create a hologram of what it looked like.

“Huh. Reminds me of gem destabilizers, but slightly different.” Peridot nods her head. “I can do this! And I won’t return until I’ve got it! HA HA HA HA!!” She runs over to the warp pad, but then she realizes she has no idea which area they’re at.

“Uhm. Where is this location at again?”

Pearl walks over to the warp pad. “I’ll take us there. Just be prepared to be underwater, once we get there.”

“Eh. It’s just water. How hard could it be?” She shrugs and smiles.

“Alright, Steven, we’ll be back soon.”

“Yeah! Don’t worry! You can count on your best pal, Peridot!” With that they leave.

After waiting for over an hour they return, soaking wet. “Ugh. That was dreadful! Everything tried to eat me there! I’m not a delicious Peridot sandwich!” She pouts.

“But! I found it! It’s pretty damaged from the sea water though. I doubt it’ll be able to used many more times.”

Steven jumps down and takes the technology from her hand. “Well, it just has to work once for us!”

He holds up the wand and expects something to happen, but he just stands there. “What? Why isn’t this thing working?”

“Here, Steven, let me look at it.” Peridot holds her hand out. Steven gives the device back to Peridot.

“Hm. Probably waterlogged.” She shakes it around. “Hang on.”

She sits down on the floor and starts fiddling with the device. “Maybe this will. No-”

“Or maybe. Ow! That doesn’t work either.”

She sits there for a good 15 minutes. “OH YOU BLASTED PIECE OF GARBAGE! JUST WORK ALREADY!” Then her gem starts to glow. In that instant they hear a click and then a whir. It’s primed and ready to go.

“Oh. There you go, Steven.” Peridot gives the wand to Steven.

“Okay! So. How do I use this?”

“I think you just push this right here.”

So he does just that. It starts to glow with a dazzling pink light. This causes him to lay down on the floor and fall asleep.


	3. The Source and the Dreamtime

Steven opens his eyes and he finds hisself walking among clouds. He starts walking and then all of sudden Garnet is in front of Steven, meditating. Garnet makes her visor disappear. When Steven looks at her eyes he notices her third eye has become completely black. Steven tries to look away from it, but the harder he tries not to, the more intent he looks into the darkness. He keeps looking until darkness swallows him.

In that moment, he is filled with indescribable emotions. He is in the infinite; the timeless. He then wonders where his friend is. At that very moment the darkness disappears and he is now, in Beach City? Steven looks around on the beach and that’s when he realizes that Ronaldo is surrounded by gems he doesn’t recognize.

“Ronaldo!” Steven yells, but Ronaldo can’t hear him. Steven runs toward him and the gems. He pushes through the crowd of gems on the beach. He reaches the center of the crowd, at last.

“Ste-man! What’s going on homeslice?”

“Huh?”

“Oh, right. Sorry, I was trying to copy Amethyst’s vernacular.” Ronaldo readjusts his glasses.

“By the way, nice look you’re going for. Though it’ll never be as good as the original.” He smirks looking upward to the sky.

“What…?”

Ronaldo snaps his fingers and a hand mirror appears in his hands and he hands it to Steven.

“Whoa!” In the mirror Steven sees hisself, except he has Ronaldo’s hair and glasses. He shakes his head and tries to remember what he came here for.

“R-”

“I already know.”

“Bu-”

“You came here to get me back. Steven, when you entered this realm you became a part of my thoughts.” He then hears another thought Steven has. “Ah, so you’re thinking this is similar to fusion? I have no idea what that is. Oh, I see. Wow. How is that even possible?” 

Steven looks at him with pure shock.

“What’s that? You want to know why all these gems are here? Take a seat my friend. In this realm, we have all the time in the world. Friends, can this other friend of mine, and myself have some space, we need to talk.” The gems all walked off into separate directions. Some in groups, some all by themselves.

“I’ve already been with these guys for a whole week!” They both sit down in the sand.

“But you’ve only been unconscious for a few hours!”

“Ya gotta understand that things work a little differently around here. This, my rock friend, is the realm known to these corrupted gems as, the dreamtime. They have been stuck here ever since having their minds torn apart. They were thrown into this dimension as a result.” He pauses for a second.

“I’ve seen this place many times before, but I was never _in_ here.” He reflects.

“Wow, so if you’ve been here for a week already, then that means these gems must’ve been here for like a million years!”

“Well, unfortunately, that’s not how it works here. The amount of time that passes is dependent on who you ask and their state of mind. Some have been here that long, others have been here for just a few hundred years.” Ronaldo corrected.

“Right, well. I need to-”

“No.”

“What? Why not?”

“Steven, from here, I can do and make anything I want come into existence by just a thought!” Ronaldo conjures up a M.C. Bear Bear.

“I can watch anyone’s mundane dreams!” Ronaldo waves his hand in the air and makes a cloud window.

“I can even interfere with them!” He flicks his fingers in a gun shape at the window and causes the person’s dream to change to them being chased by giant killer spoon.

“Heh heh. That one’s always funny.” Ronaldo crosses his arms and has a self-satisfied look on his face.

“Ronaldo! What’s gotten into you? Why are you messing with people like that? In their dreams of all places!”

“Ugh, fine.” He snaps his fingers and the dream goes back to the way it was and the window disappears.

“Listen, we really need to get you out of here. Your body is getting worse the longer you stay here. You’ll die!”

“What’s so bad about that?”

“WHAT! Come on! How can you say that! What about your family! How would they feel if you died?”

“But Steven, if I go back to the boring old dimension I came from, then I won’t have any of these fantastic powers anymore.” Then he pointed at Steven and said. “Imagine if I came up to you and told you, _you_ had to give all of _your_ magic powers! Would _you_ just do it?”

Ronaldo had a point. This really struck a nerve as he remembers what it was like when he was upset over having no powers when it seemed like he was expected to have them. He remembers back when he told Connie about how he was sad about not having healing tears. Steven gets up and lets out a long sigh.

“Alright. If you wanna stay, then I won’t insist any further.” At that moment, Steven had his own complete appearance back.

Steven walks towards what looks like his house. He isn’t sure if it’s actually his house at all or it’s just his imagination. When he opens the front door he sees that all of the furniture is there, but no one is inside. He senses a presence near his bed, so goes up there. It’s a black dot, it looks so unnatural, like it’s the complete absence of anything floating in the middle of the air. He goes to touch the darkness. Without warning, Steven hears the warp pad activate. Steven runs down to the living room. A few seconds later Jasper lunges out of the light toward Steven. “AH HA! YOU WON’T ESCAPE ME THIS TIME, ROSE QUARTZ!”

Steven turns around and kicks the door off the house and jumps into the air. Jasper lets out a growl, shakes her fist, and screams at Steven. “COME BACK DOWN HERE AND FACE ME YOU COWARD!”


	4. A Fight Against Jasper

A few minutes have passed since Steven fell asleep and he’s starting to move around like he’s fighting something off. Then his gem starts to glow with increasing brightness.

“Steven?!” Connie exclaims.

“Wh-what’s wrong with Steven?”

“He’s having difficulty wherever he is.” Garnet replies.

“What kind of difficulty?”

“I’m not sure. I cannot see what will happen there.”

“What? Why not?”

“It’s hard to explain. It’s like, the time he’s in, is a square, and our time, is a triangle. When I try to see the possibilities all I get is static.”

Connie looked at Garnet with great confusion.

Steven screamed quite loud. Then his eyes flung open and they were saturated; glowing with light.

“Steven!” Connie moves to shake Steven out of his sleep.

“Wait! Connie, don’t touch him!”

Garnet isn’t quick enough in her response. Connie touches Steven she becomes as frozen as a statue.

“This evening just got more complicated.” Garnet puts her right hand to her face.

Connie finds herself in complete darkness for an instant and then she appears next to Steven.

“C-Connie? How did you-?”

Connie grabs hold of Steven.

“My body was freaking out. You wanted to wake me up from whatever was happening, but you got pulled in here, instead. That’s what you’re thinking, right?”

“Yeah. I- Wait, how-”

“No time to explain!” Steven points over at the rapidly approaching Jasper.

“You know what I’m thinking?” Connie asks.

“Yep, lets do this.”

After they’re engulfed in pink light they become Stevonnie. Jasper is blinded by the light for a moment. Then when she realizes they fused once again, she becomes livid.

“Oh great. Not fusion again. I FUCKING HATE FUSION!” Jasper enraged pulls out two battle-axes from her gem and then attaches them together. She spins around fast and then throws it at Stevonnie.

“Whoa!” They jump out of the way and the battle-axes fly back to Jasper like a boomerang. Jasper takes them apart again, then while holding them in her hands she does her spin dash move which, in essence, turns her into a giant buzz saw.

“Oh man. I wish I had my sword.” Then a copy of Rose’s sword appears in Stevonnie’s right hand.

“Nice! Oh wait a minute! I can do anything I want here!” 

Stevonnie raises their hand and makes several sand copies of their self, but they’re so tiny!

“Aw man, what?”

Stevonnie jumps up in the air and kicks their legs about to get out of the way of Jasper, but she stops on a dime and grabs their leg and slams them to the ground.

“OW!”

Jasper turns them over and stomps hard on Stevonnie’s sternum. She lets out a stifled, yet excruciating, scream. With her foot on Stevonnie’s chest she starts to cackle a little, and then starts to laugh with insanity.

“I’ve got you! I’ve got you now, Rose! I will have my revenge!” Jasper raises one battle-ax up in the air with both of her hands. “My Diamond’s death will be avenged!”

As she attempts to strike down at Steven’s gem, her ax flies out of her hands. “…!”

“Not today!” Ronaldo proclaims from 200 feet away.

Jasper looks up to the see the human interfering with her actions. Ronaldo with his left arm behind his back he raises his right arm and the markings light up his face and his hair moves. A giant sand arm comes up from the ground and he swats her into the air and he causes a huge gust of air to blow Jasper off into the distance. He walks over to Stevonnie and crouches. “Hey. You alright?” 

Ronaldo offers his hand to help them up. Stevonnie holds a hand to their chest. “Heh. Thanks for saving my bacon, Ronaldo.” 

They take his hand and he helps them get up. “You know my name, but I don’t think I’ve ever met you before.”

“Yeah, not me in particular, but you have met Steven. I mean you did meet me at least once when I raced Kevin.”

“Oh yes. Now I recall. I thought you looked familiar. You mentioned Steven, do you know him?”

“Steven is a part of me.”

"So he came back to this place after all this time?”

Steven takes over speaking as Stevonnie. “I only just talked to you 10 minutes ago.”

Ronaldo is taken aback. First by this new person addressing him as Steven and then another seeming inconsistency. “Oh right. Even after three years it’s still hard for my feeble human mind to comprehend the discrepancy between our experiences of time.”

Ronaldo scratches the back of his head. “Actually, I couldn’t stop thinking about what you said to me. I’ll admit that being here all alone for three years can be unpleasant in many aspects. After I had asked the gems to leave us, they never came back, or at least I couldn’t find them again. So, I was here, just with my thoughts, and fantastic powers, of course. The novelty of this dimension wore out in a mere, two months, but I still wasn’t willing to let go. I didn’t want to give up this power over reality, well, over dream reality at least. To keep myself occupied, I uncovered the truth about a lot of the conspiracies that I knew were true. It turns out, it was more complicated than even I could have ever imagined. Even that wore thin within a year. For two years I’ve wondered to myself is this all there is to life? For two years I’ve felt utterly isolated with nothing to do.” 

He looks down and has a look of misery. “My perspective has changed. I know how shallow I used to be and I hate it. I didn’t care or even recognize that I had such flaws until a few months ago. I want to make up for it. So...”

“So?”

“I’ve decided, that I will come back even if it means giving up all of these fantastic powers. And because I don’t want to live like this, anymore.”

Stevonnie smiled at that. “Alright, the way back is this way.” They start to head toward the house.

“Actually, it’s quicker this way.” Ronaldo grabs Stevonnie’s hand and they teleport to the front door.

“Eee! Cool! How’d you do that?” Stevonnie said with stars in their eyes.

“Heheh. Well, I did have three years to practice this stuff, you know?” He shrugs.

Stevonnie shakes their head to get back on track. “Follow me.” 

They walk into Steven’s house. Then they point up to where Steven’s bed is.

“I have a feeling I shouldn’t go back like this.” Stevonnie says and then unfuses.

“Come on, lets get you home!” They both say in unison. Each one puts a hand to their own mouth and then they giggle. Ronaldo touches the emptiness and gets sucked in. In the mundane world Ronaldo comes back to.

“Oh man. That. Was the longest trip I’ve ever had!” He looks around. “Oh, hey rock people.”

Steven and Connie follow in after him while still holding hands. They are both in the undifferentiated. The distinction between Steven and Connie, and everything else, no longer exists, one, but not fused. They both realize that what they believed to be themselves, was just not at all, not in the way it had seemed. Here, in darkness, everything's okay. Listen to the waves, and let them fade away. Let everything fade away.

...Here comes a thought. Then, they think each other.

In that very moment, both Steven and Connie are back in the mundane world. The wand has a surge in power. Its light becomes extremely bright and then gets blown into smithereens. 

“Connie!” However, Steven didn’t hear his voice.

“S-Steven?”

They both look at each other, but then they quickly realize something went wrong. They don’t see their beloved, they see themselves! They both reach up to touch their own faces, but they don’t feel what they’re expecting, and then look at each other again and scream with shock. They fall over and faint.


	5. The Mix Up

A few hours pass by and the Crystal Gems and Ronaldo are still there. Garnet just stands by the wall with her arms crossed. Pearl paces back and forth in the living room. Amethyst is sleeping on the couch in her usual manner. Ronaldo is observing Steven and Connie. He has been writing notes on a clipboard he found laying in the living room. After writing down a thought, he seems to come to some conclusion, but it still seems incomprehensible to hisself at the moment. He gets up, and goes for the door.

“I might have a solution for how to fix this!”

Pearl stops her pacing. “That’s awfully nice of you to offer, but I don’t think there’s anything you can do.”

Ronaldo reacts indignantly. “What? Is it cause I’m just a human? You think I don’t have the brains to figure it out, is that it? Well I’ll show you all!” He goes out the front door and slams it shut behind him, but he opens it back up.

“I’ll. I’ll show you, you. You, rock people!” He slams the door shut behind him again.

Amethyst is slight roused from her sleep making a snoring sound. “Huh?” 

Then she goes straight back to sleep.

A few minutes later Steven and Connie wake up. They both yawn.

“Wow, I had the strangest dream.”

“Yeah, me too. I dreamed I was-”

Then they look at each other and say in unison. “You.”

“Oh, I guess it wasn’t a dream, heh.” Steven said with Connie’s voice.

Connie exclaims with Steven’s voice. “OH MY GOD! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO TELL MY PARENTS?! Wait, no we can’t tell my parents. Oh god- STEVEN, WE’VE GOT TO GO BACK!”

“I’m afraid you can’t.” Garnet interjected.

“WHAT?!”

“The wand exploded right before both of you returned. Whatever remained, disintegrated not long after the explosion. Only ashes remain.” Pearl explains.

“Uh. Uh. It’s alright. We’ll, just uh. Pretend to be the other person for a while!” Steven suggests.

Before Connie could respond, they both hear Connie’s phone buzzing. Steven takes it out of Connie’s pants pocket.

“It’s your dad.”

“Oh no! They must have been worried sick! He’s probably coming to pick me up as we speak!”

Connie sighs and slumps a little with Steven’s body. “Your idea is probably the best way to go. I could imagine trying to tell my parents. I’d be grounded until the end of eternity! And. This is really freaking me out being in your body.”

“Hey, hey.” Steven reaches out and grabs his own hand. Definitely the weirdest thing he’s done yet, and that’s saying a lot.

“It’s going to be alright. I’m sure the gems will fix us in no time! Right, Garnet?”

“I have no idea how this even happened.” Garnet replied bluntly.

“Eheh heh heh. Uh.” Steven blushes with Connie’s face. Then he looks down to the bottom right corner.

The phone vibrates and rings again in Connie’s hand. “Steven. You should probably answer that.”

“Oh oh. Right.” Steven swipes to the left.

“H-hello?”

_Connie! Oh thank goodness you picked up! I’m heading over to your friend’s house. You’re over there?_

“Uh yeah. I’m at m-. I mean, at. Steven’s house. Y-yeah, that’s where I am!” Beads of sweat form on Connie’s head as Steven tries to act like her.

Connie is sitting across from her own body. She has Steven’s hand to his head. She feels like she just wants to curl up and die somewhere.

_Right. Well, we’ll have to talk about you being out so late with your boyfriend, young lady. Alright, I’ll see you soon, I love you. Doug waits for a second, but doesn’t hear anything and just hangs up._

They wait there for about five minutes and then they hear Doug walking up the steps. He opens the front door and he sees all of Steven’s ‘guardians’ close by.

“Oh, hello, Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl…”

“D-” Connie puts Steven’s hands over his mouth before saying anything else.

Steven stumbles on trying to act normal. He says in Connie’s voice, “Mister- Uh, dadster!”

“Ah, there you are, honey. Do you have all of your things?”

“Uh yep. Right here!” Steven holds up Connie’s bag with her arm.

“I’ll call you tomorrow, after you get home from school!” Connie said with Steven’s voice.

“Yeah! Okay!” Connie jumps down from the loft. “See you soon Co-, uh uh Steven!”

Steven and Doug walk out of the house.

Connie falls back into Steven’s bed. “Ooooh, godddd. Whyyyyy?”

She puts his hands up to his face. “Someone please get me outta this nightmare.”

“Connie.” Garnet says. “You’re gonna be fine. Steven will get the hang of pretending to be you in no time.”

“W-What? Garnet! How long are we going to stay like this?”

Garnet readjusts her glasses and says, “In all possible futures I’ve seen so far, you two will stay like this until at least a month.”

“A MONTH?!”

“That’s only one scenario. In most possible paths you stay like this for well over a year. In one, you two never switch back...”

“GARNET!”

“Sorry.”

Connie lets out a sigh with Steven’s body.

“You two need to visit Ronaldo tomorrow evening.” Garnet says before Connie can ask what she can do.

“Why? I mean, how do I-? Oh.” Connie realizes her question was already answered.

“Why do I need to do that?”

“I can’t tell you.”

“Wh- I don’t understand.”

“If I tell you, then you’ll never switch back.”

Connie gulps. “Oh, I see. Well, I guess we’ll go do that then.”

“It’s time for us to head to our rooms now. Come on, Pearl. Amethyst.”

“Right.” Pearl goes over to Amethyst to wake her up, but she’s too soundly asleep. Garnet goes over and picks Amethyst up and holds her under her left arm.

“Goodnight, Connie.” Pearl says as all three of them go to the gem door.

“Night.”

She hears the magic doors open and then close again. She’s left there in the silence of Steven’s house. It’s like a second home to her, but not while being Steven. She yawns and then she hears Steven’s phone buzz. She gets the phone out of his pocket and sees that Steven is calling. She answers.

“Hello?”

_Hey, do you know if writing words is safe?_

“What?”

_Like, what if I need to write something down for the soul in MY body? How will I know someone won’t read my private entries in, say, my diary._

Connie hears her dad say. Honey, we would never look through your diary. Well. Not without good reason at least.

It took Connie a few seconds to catch Steven’s drift. “Oh, I get it. Well. I suppose it’s possible they would read things you wrote down in a text, but I’ve never known that to happen. At least, not yet. I do have a backup plan though. If you want a little more discretion, use the app I downloaded. It’s the one with a fork and knife. Hang on, I need to download it on your phone too.” Two minutes pass. “Okay, it’s ready. You can send a text through that now.”

_Okay, thank you. That’s all I needed to know. Byee~!”_

Connie hears a click. Then soon afterward she sees a text.

Connie: _So umm. I feel weird asking about this, but what about when either of us needs to use the bathroom? I mean, this is your body after all, and I just don’t feel comfortable using your body like that without talking to you about it, first. I don’t want to be a bad guest._

Connie: _I would have waited to ask, but I’m starting to feel antsy_

Steven sends this text because one he absolutely does not want either of them to overstep any boundaries and two being in a female body is an unknown experience for him. Connie feels Steven’s face become red hot with embarrassment as she contemplates what exactly that involves. This is something no human she’s ever known has dealt with, let alone a 16 year old. She hadn’t even considered this, but after giving it some thought she writes something down.

Me: _Steven, it’s alright. I’m okay with you taking care of yourself. Er. Myself? Garnet told me we’re going to be stuck like this at least for a while, so the reality is we’ll just have to live with it_  
**Seen 11:20 P.M.**

She writes down very personal details and certain things you have to be careful about when you’re a female.

Me: _So, take care of my body the best you can, and I’ll try to do the same. Cause being a bad guest is no good, and I wouldn’t want to do anything like, either. Is that alright with you?_  
**Seen 11:30 P.M.**

Connie: _Yeah, I’m okay with it_

Steven then warns her about what may occur at times and not to be too surprised among a few other things that need to be done.

Connie: _By the way. What about when we need to take showers?_

Connie feels Steven’s face flush over. She feels like his face is going to burn up. Hoo boy, she thinks to herself. There’s going to be more of this, she thinks. This is not going to be an easy conversation, is it?


	6. Loss of Control

After finishing a bunch of querying each other over what should be done over the highly intimate, yet necessary, plans, Connie feels all sorts of weird feelings. She feels ambivalent. Even though they’ve shared a body before many times as Stevonnie, that belonged to Steven as much as it belonged to her, but her body was hers alone, at least it was. For now, it was in the control of her beloved, as was she in control of his. She and Steven had expressed their feelings about each other about 2 years ago and they’ve been growing closer ever since they became an official couple. 

Although what they talked about wasn’t the sexiest things to talk about it did spark a certain sense of curiosity. One thought leads to the next, so on and so forth. Eventually, she’s thinking thoughts that have crossed her mind every day for the past year and a half and she knows she probably shouldn’t indulge in them too much, but it doesn’t mean she doesn’t like it. These thoughts are even stronger knowing that Steven has complete control over her body now, which she admits she finds more arousing than usual. She soon realizes that Steven’s body is responding to her state of mind. Steven’s pupils dilate as she stares up at the ceiling. She knows she shouldn’t, but…

Doug and Steven have almost arrived at Connie’s house. Steven is staring down at the floor. Wow, he thinks to hisself, that was a lot more information shared between each other than he ever thought was even possible. Steven is deep in contemplation which shows in the way Connie’s head is pointed toward the floor of the car.

“Are you alright?”

“H-huh? W-why why would you ask mist- uh dad?” Steven is still having a difficult time calling him ‘dad’.

“… Are you, going with Steven behind mine and your mother’s backs, Connie?”

“Wh-what? No! I haven’t ‘been’ with h-hem.” Steven insists with blushing showing all across Connie’s face.

Doug looks over at what he believes to be Connie with a look of concern in his face.

“Okay.” Doug sighs a little bit and takes in a deep breath. “Let’s just. Drop the subject. We’re home.” Doug pulls into the driveway.

Steven opens the door of the car and walks slowly toward the Maheswaran residence. After hearing Doug directly ask whether Connie and him were sleeping with each other put a thought into his head. He has thought about her every day, and now he’s really wondering if Connie and him would ever actually-

“Sweetheart, there’s food in the refrigerator. I have to go back to work, they just called. Your mother won’t be back home for another few hours, seems she got stuck in some important matter at the hospital.”

Doug opens the front door and turns back to face Steven. “I love you.”

“L-love you too… dad.”

Doug smiles at that and he closes the door behind him. Steven watches out of the window until Doug has left. That’s when he runs to the bathroom as quickly as Connie’s body will allow. He really needs to go.

Afterwards, Steven gets Connie’s phone and creates a text.

Steven’s body lays there as Connie contemplates when she hears Steven’s phone. She looks at his phone and then she starts to panic a little. 

Connie: _Your dad just asked me if we’re going to bed with each other_  
**Seen 11:40 P.M.**

She kind of glosses over the fact that her father was suspicious of her and Steven’s behavior and feels a little guilty about something else. Who would have thought he’d text her about that sort of thing at this point in time, it’s almost poetic, or at least a coincidence. She most certainly should have had more self control, but it was too late. What was she going to tell Steven?

Steven stares at the app, waiting for a reply. He sees that she saw it. Oh dear, what if he said something stupid. Maybe what he said made her feel too uncomfortable he thought to hisself. Steven sat on the couch for a good half hour, but no replies from Connie. He thought it best to not to send anything if she feels like he was being too pushy. So he puts Connie’s phone away in her pants pocket. He goes over to the refrigerator and opens it up and all he finds is assorted health foods and snacks. None of them looked particularly appetizing to him, so he just decided to go with the fruit on the counter instead. When he goes to get the fruit he realizes just how alien this place is to him. It smelled of strange spices and air fresheners. The counter felt way smoother and cleaner than anything he had at home. To top it all off, Dr. Maheswaran had managed to bring a part of the sterile and cold feel of the hospital in the kitchen. He felt really out of place here. This wasn’t his home he thought to hisself.

After he got his fill of various snacks he was able to get hisself to at least tolerate he went into Connie’s room. He couldn’t stop worrying about whether he had said something wrong, but at the same time he couldn’t stop thinking about them being together. It would not leave him alone. He was being pushed over the edge because after all he’s been thinking about being with her in that way for a while now. Not only that, he was completely alone with her body, her beautiful sexy body. He laid on Connie’s bed and just stared into the ceiling. God, how he wished he could just control hisself…

Thirty minutes later, Steven hears Connie’s phone. He picks up her phone and reads what Connie said.

Steven: _I have to make a confession_

Me: _Actually, Connie, I have one to make too_  
**Seen 12:10 A.M.**

Later on that night Priyanka returns home from work. Doug had told her that he suspects their daughter and Steven are sleeping with each other and so she decides to see if this is the case. She goes into her daughter’s bedroom and checks her daughter’s cellphone. Good thing she knows her daughter’s passcode. Unfortunately for her when she attempts to check through the messages she finds something she really wished she hadn’t. In fact, it was sent this evening and when she saw it her face went blue and she stifles a startled sound. She closes out the app, turns off the phone, slowly puts it down, and walks out of her daughter’s room all without making a single sound.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7k8o8yNb6aM
> 
> From beginning to 1:59


	7. Steven Prepares to go to School

Steven had a difficult time sleeping, and so did Connie. After they told each other what they did, it stayed in their minds for a while. Steven eventually fell asleep an hour after the last text, and when he woke up, he found hisself in one of Connie’s nightgowns. A strange feeling for him because, after all, he was used to waking up in his pajamas.

Steven picked up Connie’s phone and looks at the last few texts they sent each other over the app.

Me: _ILU_  
**Seen 1:30 A.M.**

Steven: _< 3_

Me: _Night_  
**Seen 1:31 A.M.**

Steven: _Night night_

Looking at this made Steven happy, and one could tell by the smile on Connie’s face. Steven looked over at the time on the alarm clock. 5:00 A.M.! That’s over 3 hours before Steven’s used to getting up in the morning. He feels tired from not getting enough sleep more than getting up ‘too early’.

“I guess I should take a shower now.” Steven walks into the bathroom and gets ready to take a shower.

“Aw man how do you take one of these off?” He mumbles. Using a body that isn’t his to do something he has never done before makes Connie’s arms move around like a poorly programmed robot. He finally is able to move her hands correctly behind her back to take off her brassiere. He throws it to the floor.

“Sheesh. How do you deal with that every day?” He ponders out loud. Then he looks down and her now exposed breasts. He blushes a little bit, but he soon realizes it’s alright. Okay, just get this over with he thinks to hisself and he turns on the shower. Just, like, 1 or 2 more spots to remember to clean and also 1 less spot on this body than what he’s used to, he tries to remind hisself.

After about 10 minutes in the shower Steven has a towel wrapped around the body he’s inhabiting. Steven takes Connie’s clothes and looks for where to put dirty clothes. After searching around for about 10 minutes he finally puts them where they need to go. He goes back into Connie’s room and proceeds to dress the body he’s in. Everything’s pretty much the same until he gets to the bra again. Curse this contraption! Maybe he can hook the metal pieces together and then slip it on? Success! Sort of.

He sends a text to his phone to ask Connie how she’s able to use her hands behind her back and that he needs help getting hang of getting a bra on her body. That about has everything wrapped up. Oh, wait, he thinks. He still needs to pack things into Connie’s book-bag. It looks like there’s things in there already. Just a tablet and a few notebooks and he dumps the contents on the bed. Steven flips through one of the notebooks and tries to read it. He doesn’t understand 95% of the things written in there, but he sees the doodles Connie’s drawn in margins of her notes. Flowers, birds, characters. She’s a lot better at drawing than he is. Then he sees one with him and Connie kissing. He smiles with Connie’s mouth.

“CONNIE!” Steven hears Priyanka yell from downstairs. Steven looks at the alarm clock. 6:14 A.M.

“BREAKFAST IS READY!”

Steven hurries down the stairs as fast as Connie’s body allows, which is actually quite a bit. He has to slow down a little or else Connie’s body will trip over something. When he reaches the bottom of the steps he still manages to tip over.

Priyanka hears a loud thump. She looks over at the kitchen doorway.

“Ow.”

She walks over to her daughter’s body.

“What’s gotten into you this morning? Did you fall down the stairs?” She crouches down and checks ‘Connie’ to see if she got hurt at all. If only she knew the half of it Steven thought to hisself. He just stays silent as she checks for bruises or cuts.

“Does it hurt any?”

“I’m fine. Really.”

They both stand back up and walk into the kitchen. Steven sees that Priyanka has prepared a breakfast which includes an egg, two pieces of whole wheat toast, and a handful of grapes. Steven takes a seat at the table and she sits across from ‘Connie’. Steven starts to cut into the egg and watches as the yolk spreads on the plate. He takes the toast and sopping up the yolk with the toast.

“Honey.”

Steven looks up.

“Your father and I talked.”

Steven nearly chokes on the bread in Connie’s throat. He gets a hold of hisself and swallows.

“Y-you did?” The sweat beads start to form.

They stare at each other for about a minute.

“Is there anything you want to tell me?”

“Uh. I. Uh. Uh.” Steven can’t stop stammering. He just doesn’t know what to say.

Priyanka leans back in her chair. She puts her right hand to her face and lets out a long sigh. Then she leans over and reaches into her purse and places a very plain looking box and a bottle on the middle of the table.

It takes a moment to register what it is, but when he does it hits him like a 18 wheeler on the freeway. Connie’s face becomes radish red. He tries to say something, but words won’t come out. All that he can manage is incoherent babble.

“Now don’t misunderstand me here. I don’t condone this whatsoever. However, I know that neither myself nor your dad can keep an eye on you at absolutely all times. Or that even if we could do so, that we shouldn’t keep you stuck in the house. You’ve behaved yourself in a responsible manner in many ways. You still focus on your studies, you don’t go out and party, take drugs, or sleep around with every boy you meet. So I have to have _some_ faith in you to continue to do the right thing. At the same time, I know how difficult this sort of thing can be for someone your age, and I see how much you care about each other. But so help me god. If I find out you’re pregnant, or that your grades start slipping-” Then she stops herself from going to far on a tirade.

Connie’s face looks gobsmacked.

She gets up goes over to counter and picks something up. She comes back to the table with an unpeeled banana. “I know you’ve probably seen this before a couple of times at school and I know I taught you this once before, but I’m not leaving anything to chance. I want to make sure at least one of you know to use this properly. Pay attention to what I’m about to teach you.”


	8. Steven’s Calculus Woes

After explaining several different things that should and should not be done. Steven looks at Priyanka and sees the visible stress in her face and he feels bad for her. She finishes her plate of food and puts it in the sink. She walks over to ‘Connie’ and kisses who she believes to be her daughter on the cheek. “I love you, honey.” 

She walks out of the kitchen and Steven hears her walk back upstairs. He stares into the plate of food. Steven takes out Connie’s phone and takes a picture of the box of condoms and sends it to his phone. He sees she still hasn’t responded to his earlier text, but he knows that he doesn’t usually wake up until after 8:30 in the morning.

Me: *.jpg  
**Sent 6:47 A.M.**

Me: _Your mother gave these to me. Then she gave me lecture on how to use them_  
**Sent 6:47 A.M.**

He taps away at the phone and then pushes send. As he listens to the woosh sound it makes he contemplates how he even got to this spot in his life in the first place. Then he looks at the time on the phone. He sees he doesn’t have a lot time left until he has to get to where the bus picks the students up at. He scarfs down the rest of the food on the plate. To remind hisself he takes Connie’s phone back out and looks at the schedule Connie sent him. Advanced calculus, advanced history, advanced english… Sheesh, just looking at those titles is giving him a stress headache.

“Man. I could never do all these things. Then go on adventures on top of that? Connie, you’re freaking amazing.”

He takes the box upstairs and goes into Connie’s room. He looks at the phone again to check the time. Crap! He needs to get going 2 minutes ago. He double checks that everything is in there. He tries to hurry, but curiosity gets the best of him, so he opens up the box and takes one of the unopened condoms out. He looks at it with fascination, but then he remembers he doesn’t have a lot of time so he stuffs Connie’s notebooks and tablet in. It doesn’t quite register that he also put a condom in there and it falls to the bottom of the backpack. Then he grabs her backpack and runs out of the door. He looks around for where the bus picks the students up, but he’s able to infer that the group of high schoolers just standing in place are probably waiting for the bus so he goes there. The bus ride is uneventful, and when he enters and takes a second look at the schedule he realizes that the first class is: Calculus! Aw man, that word alone makes him feel like someone is pouring a bucket of pebbles on his head.

He reaches the room. Room 113. He finds Connie’s assigned seat and once everyone sets down the teacher gets up and starts class for today.

“Good morning everyone. I hope everyone remembered to read chapter 14 of their textbooks. We’ll be starting integrals today.” He tells the class.

Inter growls? What are those? Then he sees the teacher write on the board the word. ‘Integrals’. Steven knows he’s way out of his league here. After an hour of lecturing the teacher finally tells the class what the assignment is. Odd numbered problems only, from problems 1 to 77. Steven looks up at the clock on the wall: 8:30 A.M. Connie should be waking up at around this time.

Approximately 30 minutes later Connie wakes up. She sets up in the bed and stretches Steven’s arms up in the air. She picks up Steven’s phone to see if he sent anything to her.

Connie: _You must be Houdini or something. How do you use your arms behind your back? You’re gonna have to show me how to put a bra on_

Connie: *.jpg

Connie: _Your mother gave me these. Then she gave me lecture on how to use them_

She chuckles a little bit. She had a little bit of suspicion that her parents would start worrying like this, but she thought they would be way harsher. That lecturing part does sound pretty much like mom though she thinks. 

She has the day to do anything, and maybe even an entire full month off of school. That sounds nice. With all this free time she decides it’s probably best to go find Greg and explain this to him. He’s usually pretty accepting of weird magic gem stuff. She’s about to start to get ready to leave, but she hears Steven’s stomach growl. Time to get something to eat. She goes over to the kitchen and grabs a bag of Chaaaaps. Tasty, but so greasy. Pancakes sound nice too, but she doesn’t feel like going through the trouble.

She runs down to the beach and heads toward the car wash. When she arrives at the car wash Greg is just sitting in the back of his van strumming on his guitar. He notices ‘Steven’.

“Oh hey Schtu-ball. You’re outside earlier than usual.”

“Actually. I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Go ahead! What’s on your mind?” He puts his guitar down.

“Well, I’m not actually Steven. Mr. Universe. I’m Connie. Steven and I got switched around, somehow.”

“Wh-what? How did that happen?”

“Ronaldo got infected by some weird ancient gem tech and became ill. Steven went to fetch him and used some other piece of old gem tech and that caused him to fall asleep. While he was wherever he was he started to move around like he was trying to fight something off. That’s when I tried to wake him up, but it sucked me into wherever he was. When we left, that’s when we ended up in the wrong bodies.”

“Oh man. Every time I think I get used to gem stuff, something like this happens.”

“Please don’t tell my parents! They just would not understand no matter how long you would try to explain it. They already think me and Steven are having sex and trying to keep it a secret from them!” Then Connie thinks that this is might actually somewhat on track, if only because of what they did last night and told each other. She thinks maybe she shouldn’t have sent that picture, but she did it in the heat of the moment. They hadn’t done anything _together_ like that. They’ve been Stevonnie many times, but that’s not like- She shakes her head a little to get herself off that train of thought.

“So... Where’s my son now?”

“He’s at my school. Right about now he should be in Advanced English.”

“What else is on your schedule?”

“He’s already been in Calculus. Next is History, then Chemistry, then Latin, then a free period. And those are all advanced, except for the free period of course.”

“Huh. I wonder how he’ll react to it. He’s never really went to school and those sound like pretty tough classes too.”

“I’ll do the work for him. Those are _my_ classes after all.” Connie thinks of something else. She pulls out Steven’s phone.

Steven feels the phone alert him to a new text message. Probably from Connie. Just 7 more minutes and he’ll be able to check whatever it is. Steven kind of likes this class though and they’re talking about a really interesting book. They’re in the middle of the book, so he guesses he better play catch up. In no time, the teacher dismisses them, she says to read to read the next chapter for tomorrow. Right after Steven goes out of the door frame he checks Connie’s phone.

Steven: _I’ll need you to record the classes for me so I can listen to them. But waiting that long to hear the lectures will take a lot of time out of the day. I wish there was some way to see through my own eyes while you’re there in my body_

Me: _Actually, since you have my gem you should be able to do something like that. Most of the time when I use it, it only lets me directly empathize with them and not see a lot of specific details. Unless those details hold emotional importance to them_  
**Seen 9:30 A.M.**

Steven: _But Steven. I don’t know how to use your gem!_

Me: _Well, you just have to do it like I did! Hey! That’s something I could teach you_  
**Seen 9:30 A.M.**

Steven: _Right. So, you’ll be teaching me how to use magic powers, and I’ll be teaching you how to put on an undergarment. Sounds like a fair trade to me :P_

Me: _Alright! Then it’s settled! We’ll do that after I get out of here :D_  
**Seen 9:30 A.M.**


	9. Ronaldo’s First Entry

“Ronaldo! I heard last night you didn’t deliver an order someone made! I had to apologize to them and give a free replacement. What on Earth were you doing!” His dad asked him with great agitation.

“Oh nothing much dad. I just got bit by an alien, got transported to the dreamtime, and nearly died because I didn’t want to leave.”

“Hey, don’t you smart mouth me!”

Richard sighs.

“I’m not going to be around forever, and when I’m gone, I want to make sure my boys can run the family business.”

“Dad, I’m. I’m Sorry. I. I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that.”

His father sighs again. He turns around and walks out. “Gloria, what am I gonna do with these two?”

Ronaldo simply stands in the kitchen for a moment.

“Hey bro, can you hand me that over there.”

Ronaldo doesn’t respond.

“Geez. I gotta do everything around here.”

Ronaldo walks out of the building.

“What? Just gonna leave me here again? That’s fine. Do what you always do and just leave me do all the work.” He says while peeling the potatoes.

As Ronaldo was walking down the pier, away from Steven’s house he gets his phone out and checks his blog. When he looks at it, it doesn’t have the same glimmer as it used to. He promptly deletes his blog, taking everything he ever posted on there with it. He goes down to the beach and sits in the sand.

“What’s happening to me?” He looks up into the blue sky. “I know I should be helping at Frybo’s, but I just can’t right now, I hurt too much inside. It’s like my eyes are being opened, but I don’t want them to be. I’m changing, and I’m not sure for the better.”

He takes the phone still in his hand and starts recording.

“This is the first entry of a new video journal by the most magnificent Ronaldo.

Ahem. 

Last night while I was contemplating what had happened to Steven and his girlfriend I had considered that it may have been related to that explosion. In fact, I’m almost certain of it. 

When that happened, I felt a certain vibration go through the room. I had an idea that it was something akin to musical harmonics. It also reminded what I had read about simple crystals. Not the aliens, but the inanimate objects. One user on a forum postulated that because crystals cause light to bounce around within themselves that they could be used to retain all sorts of information. They also said that because of their ability to resonate with the rest of the universe that they could also become sentient if given the right conditions. I found this one suspect if only because these aliens have already influenced human culture to such a point where it’s nearly universal, but no one knows where it originated. Just because sentient gems exist doesn’t mean they work in that manner.

But, supposing that were the case, I wonder if one were to the materials laying around and the inherent spiritual energy around us would they be able to create gems like the alien civilization so long ago did? I will have to investigate this line of thought further after I’ve helped Steven out of his bind.

Out of curiosity I looked up the term, ‘dreamtime’, and sure enough there were a few posts talking about that on the Internet. It was related to old tribal religions, but it was curious that so many had a term for the same thing around the world. Anyway, they said that they met aliens while they were tripping, but only in highly specific areas. They all had a common thread: that they were near beautiful, yet unnatural, structures. No doubt left by the gem aliens. And, just like me, they all said they met aliens that told them they were stuck in that dimension after their Homeworld unleashed a super-weapon to end a civil war between the Earth and Homeworld. I will need to return to that place, it must hold the key to this problem, I just know it. It’s the supernatural. And. Speaking of the supernatural.

When I looked up what I knew about music and the supernatural I had a revelation. The more ‘scientific’ parts gave me an idea to investigate further into harmonic mechanics. What a strange thing to read, the way the world works at the smallest levels is fascinating. 

Of course, I didn’t have the requisite mathematical knowledge to fully comprehend what they were discussing. Though, the strangest thing that has happened to me is that the math that was close to what I already knew I picked up immediately. The more I read, the more I understood. In one setting, I went from the low amount of math knowledge I had, to multiple integrals, differential equations, and complex mathematical proofs. I’m learning this stuff way too fast. This isn’t normal, especially not for someone like me.

When I went to the bathroom after reading all of these things I noticed a very strange thing in the mirror. The lines that were on my face had gotten bolder and no matter what I did I could not get them off. When I woke up in the morning they were gone, but those lines look like trouble.

Regardless of what may happen to me I have to fix this mess I helped create. I have a strong feeling that the only solution to this problem is one that brings science and magic together.

I will add a new entry once I have progressed enough to warrant another.

End of entry.”

He has a headache, but it goes away as soon as it came. He doesn’t notice, but the lines reappear on his face and then also disappear. He puts his phone in his pocket and then lays back in the sand. “What am I even doing?”


	10. Intimacy

School is finally over. It feels like someone put him in a machine that flattens things into pancakes. “Man. I feel like such a dummy now. How can I not know this much stuff?”

Me: _Hey Connie, can you get Lion and come get me?_  
**Seen 3:30 P.M.**

Steven: _Let me find him first_

So Steven sits there for a while. He watches as the buses all drive away; taking the students back to their homes. He sits there for 20 minutes and then he hears Lion’s roar.

“Did someone call for the ‘Lion Express’?”

“Eheh heh.” Steven tries to get on, but Connie pulls back.

“Whoa whoa. I gotta see your tickets first, sir.”

“Aw man. Darn, I done forgot them.”

“Well, I’m sorry, this is for paying customers only.” Then she pretends to leave.

“Wait! Wait!” Connie turns Steven’s head in curiosity.

“I might have something better than a ticket! But first, I need to whisper something to you.” Steven feigns pleading. So Connie goes back over to Steven and leans over, but Steven takes a hold of her and kisses her straight on the mouth. She pulls away.

“Ohhh. I see how it is, you sly dog. Alright, I’ll let you on.”

Connie takes hold of her own hand. That is so weird, she wonders if Steven feels the same way about holding his own hand in someone else’s body too. Then she feels her arms going around the body she’s inhabiting right now. Yep, that’s going to take a long while to get that cognitive dissonance to go away she realizes.

“Okay Lion! Take us back to Steven’s home!” Lion roars and then they disappear in a flash of light. This time Lion decides to warp _inside_ of Steven’s home, so they end of crashing into stuff.

“LION!” They both scolded Lion at the same time. Then they look at each other and burst into laughter.

“Oh. Here’s your backpack!”

“Thank you Steven. And I take it you remembered to write down what I needed to do for the assignments?”

“Of course! Though don’t expect me to remember anything said about intergers or hyperbaric functions.”  
They giggle a little bit. She starts rummaging around in her bookbag. “Okay. Let’s see… Tablet, notebooks, ink pens...”

Steven’s heart starts to race as Connie sees it. Many thoughts start to flood her mind and quickly a fire spreads inside. Pressure mounts, physically and mentally. She has an idea. She’s not sure if she should do it, but since she doesn’t know how to deal with it the feeling turns off her reasoning. It doesn’t matter. Nothing else matters right now, except this.

“Steven.”

“Huh? Uh. Is something the matter?”

Then, with Steven’s right hand, Connie slowly raises the unopened condom from the backpack.

“HUH?! When did I-?” Then he tries to think back to this morning.

“OHHH! Oh, that’s right. I was a little behind on the schedule, so I was in a hurry.” Then Steven, quick on his toes, sees where she might be going with this line of questioning.

“Oh. Oh. No no. It’s not-. I-. I’m not trying to-. Oh god.” Then Steven starts to show visible signs of panic.

Then she steps over to her own body. “I-. I-. Heh heh.” Then bracing for a slap from his own hands, something else happens. Something he did not anticipate at all. She kisses him, and this wasn’t just a sweet kiss, but instead something much more intense. They had done this before a couple of times, but they stopped long before anything would happen. He could feel their tongues touching, it’s- pleasant. He’s too surprised to start exploring. He feels her, or rather hisself, and it’s pretty much obvious what’s going on with Connie. It’s exciting, but it’s happening too quickly. Though he does feel her body react in that it’s getting ready so that things will go smoothly, but it’s only just begun. At this moment Steven understands in his heart a fundamental difference between his and Connie’s bodies, and at the same time he understands why she is doing what she is doing. Steven is drinking from the wellspring and realizes it was always a part of him, this understanding. She pulls away from him and they’re looking straight into the other’s eyes. Steven could see something behind those eyes. He’s never seen her look at him like this before. Though they were his eyes, he seemed to forget that, in fact he seemed to forget about almost everything else except for that look. A look of desperation and of fire. Ravenous and all-consuming.

He says with Connie’s voice in a whisper. “Whoa. Are. Are you sure about this?”

She doesn’t say anything, but she does grab her own hand and lead him to Rose’s room. The door opens automatically, oh that’s right, this door usually opens when he wants something bad enough. Then the door closes behind them.

“H-hey! Connie, s-slow down a little!”

She doesn’t listen. She is used to being in her own body and all the things that would turn her on. Being in a male’s body, the rapid rush of energy and lust she feels from wanting Steven, it's overwhelming. It's intoxicating. Though it is clouding her mind, she too is close to drinking these waters. To understand.

“Wait! Stop! Let go of me! Please!”

When Connie heard those words it is like a lightning bolt of realization. She is making a very bad choice and she knows there are no excuses for it and she knows she could have still have done wrong _**even if she were still in her own body.**_

“S-Steven.” She turns around to face him and looks at him for a moment then falls down to Steven’s knees with a horrified look.

Steven kneels down and puts Connie’s hand on his shoulder. He plants a sweet kiss on the lips. “All I want, is for you to slow down a little. I’m not used to not being ‘ready to go’ like I would be if I were still in my body.” 

Steven’s eyes start to well up with Connie’s remorse. Steven tells her wiping away the tears, “I love you with all my heart no matter what.”

Connie is still feeling overwhelmed by the quickness of the power, but she collects enough of herself back to remember something about herself. She kisses her neck and Steven feels electrified and fluttery from that.


	11. Comfort

They look at each other while laying in the bed created by Rose’s room.

“Steven?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m really sorry for acting entitled earlier. I actually think a lot of it was fueled by my selfishness. Your body was only obliging my selfishness and I was blaming your body for my decisions.” She knows she was just making up excuses in the heat of the moment. This is absolutely correct even with the quickness of male arousal. At the end of the day everyone is responsible for their own choices.

Steven takes hold of his hand under the covers. “I love you, honey. Please. Let’s just forget about it.”

“But Steven! It wasn’t okay!”

“You stopped and slowed down. That’s what counts.”

“I- I.” Tears start to stream down Steven’s face. He wipes the tears away from his eyes and brushes through his hair. This helps to calm her down. After she stops crying he still continues to brush through his hair and Connie starts reciprocating; they cafune each other.

“Connie?”

“Mm?”

“Do you remember when we were right before we switched? What it felt like?”

“Yeah. It was best feeling in the world, nothing else can compare. It was different than being Stevonnie, it was like we were the same person, but it wasn’t me, it wasn’t you, and it wasn’t Stevonnie. It wasn’t anything, it just simply was. Not just an experience. There are no words to describe it. Fusion is only the mimicry of this; I know it deep in my heart. Not that fusion isn’t good in it’s own right, though.”

They hold hands. “I hope we can ‘experience’ it again.” Then they hug each other tightly. They feel warmth radiating between their bodies; it’s like being under a heating blanket when it’s cold outside. Right there, in the silence between them, they feel true serenity. Steven’s gem glows and they become Stevonnie. It takes them a moment, but then they realize that they’re back. Right now, Steven and Connie are so comfortable that they are sharing all thoughts with each other. Holding absolutely nothing back. Some thoughts are really sweet, some are really mean. They feel when it’s nice and they know the other loves them because of it. They can feel when it hurts the other and instantly regret thinking it after realizing their beloved can hear their nasty thoughts. At the same time, they forgive each other each time it happens. Then Steven thinks back to what they just did.

“Wait, Steven! Why didn’t you tell me about that!”

“I didn’t want to pressure you.”

“I guess I know exactly what mom meant by that now.”

Stevonnie lets out a snicker. “I let you guys out of my sight for just one day and then when I come back I find that you two jumped on each other.”

She pauses for a little before continuing. “Well, I mean, no judgements here. Wherever you two want to take me, I’ll happily follow. I love you guys just the way you are.”

Stevonnie just simply lays there for well over an hour. Steven and Connie accidentally share embarrassing past secrets with each other and start to feel uncomfortable. When this happens they stop sharing their thoughts completely open, but each of them promise each other to keep their secrets. Although they feel uncomfortable right now with that, they may eventually feel comfortable with sharing everything, but they won’t rush it.

“Hey. Didn’t you notice something?”

“Hm? What’s that?”

“You were able to use my gem’s powers!”

“Oh. OH! Hey. I did!”

“Good job!”

“Thank you.” Connie moves Stevonnie to grab one of their phones and check the time. “I think it’s about time we unfuse.”

“Sure.” Then they’re back apart, they’re still in the wrong bodies. They were hoping that maybe that would work, but no such luck.

“Connie. Please show me how to put this on.”

She cracks up a little and then she simply smiles at him. “Turn around, and I’ll show you.”

He turns around and then says, “Please be gentle, senpai.”

“Oh my god, Steven. Seriously?” They burst out in laughter.

“Alright, for real this time. Put it on first. Then I’ll guide your hands, which are actually mine, to show you how to hook it together.” Within not much time they get it hooked together. “There. That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

Steven turns Connie’s body around and kiss his own face on the cheek. “Thanks, honey.”

“Aww.” Then Connie grabs Steven and hugs him. They get the rest of their clothes on.

“I should work on these assignments first. It shouldn’t take me too long, and Garnet said that we should visit Ronaldo in the evening. It’s not quite evening yet.”

Steven checks Connie’s phone and sees that it is 4:48 P.M. They go back into the living room of his house, and Connie starts to work on her assignments. It gets a kick out of Steven watching his own body busy at working on difficult problems. The kind of concentration that Connie has is impressive, another thing admires about his love. Steven puts his arms around his own body.

“Steven, I need to concentrate.”

“I know. I just wanna be close to you.”

Then she feels her own head on Steven’s body. She smiles with his mouth. Then she goes back to work intently. It’s actually easier with him, she feels a lot less stressed about potentially getting behind on her school work. Three quarters of an hour later Garnet walks out into the living room and just looks at them for an entire minute. They didn’t even notice her. She smiles and then uses the warp pad to go somewhere. Steven moves Connie’s head up after hearing a sound, but he wasn’t able to tell what it was. It didn’t seem very important anyway.

“Alright. And that about wraps it up for today.”

“You finished all of that within an hour?” Steven asked with astonishment.

“Yeah. I’m ahead of the curve on all of these classes. I guess it’s coming in handy at the moment. I’m only a week ahead though, so I’ll need to figure out how get your gem’s empathic abilities working by then.”

“I know you can do it.”

“Let’s go visit Ronaldo.”

“Right!”

They walk down to Frybo’s and they see Peedee exhausting hisself. Today just so happened to have a pretty long line. They figure it would be the most polite to go to the back of the line. It takes a good 15 minutes before they get to him.

“Oh hey Steven. The usual?”

“Actually, do you know where your brother is?” ‘Steven’ asks.

“Oh. Well, he left me here to get all of the work done by myself hours ago. Well, I mean, pops is here too, but it would be a lot easier if he were here helping, even if he isn’t a lot of help. If that makes any sense.”

“So you don’t know where he went off to at all?” ‘Connie’ asks.

“No. He didn’t say much.”

“Okay, thank you for your help.” ‘Connie’ says. They start walking away.

“Wait! Can you make sure he’s alright? He usually isn’t this quiet. Something really seems to be bothering him, but he doesn’t want to talk about it. It’s really concerning me just how quiet he was.”

“We’ll make sure your brother’s okay, Peedee.” ‘Steven’ replies back.

While they were walking around looking for him, Steven decides to check on something.

“Huh? That’s weird.”

“What is it?”

“I can’t find Ronaldo’s blog. It says it’s gone. Something must really be bothering him if he decided to delete his blog.”

Then Steven stops Connie’s body and remembers something from a few years ago. It was right after the hand ship had crashed onto the beach. “I think I might know where he’s at.”

They walk up the side of an ocean bluff. Right where Steven was when he was ignoring Connie’s calls. They see him sitting, he’s not moving at all, staring into the ocean skyline. They sit down beside him, Steven on the left side and Connie on the right side. On first inspection, they notice that Ronaldo isn’t wearing his glasses. Then they look at the side of his face and can see thin lines on his face arranged in their mystical pattern. They are on his arms too, but they’re less visible than the ones on his face. Ronaldo doesn’t say a word, he just simply stares.

“Hey.” Steven asks with Connie’s voice.

He turns his head slowly to face ‘Connie’.

“Hey.”

“Ronaldo, you’re not wearing your glasses.”

“Huh? Oh, right. Don’t need em anymore.” His reply betrays his emotional drain. He seems so defeated.

“I’m actually seeing colors I shouldn’t be able to see. Whatever happened to me must have caused me to gain several new cone cell types and major alterations to my visual cortex.”

“Uhmh. Huh?” Ronaldo is talking way above his head. He feels like he’s in Connie’s school again.

“He’s saying that his physiology has been changed. Think of like a super hero. He gained a new super power.”

Steven gasps with Connie’s voice. “Oh man. That sounds so cool when you put it that way!”

“I’d say it’s more akin to a curse. My knowledge and intelligence had been increasing at an exponential rate, but thankfully it’s starting to level off into a sigmoid curve. I measured it by the time it took me to pick up new concepts. Now, what can I do with all this newfound knowledge? Nothing. I already had a pessimistic view of humanity, but this has only made it worse. It’s making me miserable. I’m seeing new things and their imperfections and it bothers me. Imperfections in myself.”

He looks at ‘Steven’ and then ‘Connie’. “I know where we can start with trying to get you two back to normal. I’ll need the help of the rest of the Crystal Gems.”

Connie and Steven look at each other and nod.

“Garnet why are we just standing here?” Amethyst asks impatiently.

“Because Steven and Connie need our help.”

Soon after Steven opens the front door and they all walk in. Pearl whispers to Garnet. “Garnet are you sure this is a good idea?” However, she simply ignores Pearl.

Garnet approaches Ronaldo and places something in his hands. It’s three little squares of paper. They look like little stamps with characters on them.

“How did you know I would need these?”

Garnet simply smiles and pushes up on her visor.

“She used future vision.” Steven says.

“Hm. Future vision. What a most fascinating thing.”

“Ronaldo. You need to be careful. The path you’re heading down right now is a very dangerous one. Be careful not to let your cynicism swallow you.” She says with her hand on his shoulder.

He looks down. “Easy for you to say.”

“I already know just the place where we need to go.” Garnet says.

“Excellent! Then lead the way.” Ronaldo replies.

“Pearl. Amethyst.”

“Right.”

“Sure.” Amethyst shrugs.

They all step onto the platform. The beam takes them away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The word cafune is a word I st- er I mean borrowed from Portuguese. It means to tenderly rub your fingers through someone's, presumably your lover's, hair.


	12. One Aspect of Unity

When they arrive they find themselves in total darkness. There is nothing lighting the sky, save for the stars.

Steven, Connie, and Ronaldo stare at the sky in amazement.

“So many stars...” Steven says.

“We will allow you three to prepare. Amethyst, Pearl, and I will go to get firewood.”

“Yo. Do we really need all three of us for this?”

“We’re going to need alotta firewood.” They all walk away following Garnet. They wait until they can no longer hear them. Ronaldo mentally prepares how exactly he’s going to explain what need to be done, or what may happen if says it one way or the other. While sitting they just watch him pace back and forth for 15 minutes. Then he starts to speak.

“Steven, Connie. I need to discuss what we’re about to do.” He sits down.

He holds out his hand with two pieces of paper. “Each of you get one.”

They reach out and take it from his hand. Connie seems to be recalling something; she can’t quite put her finger on it, but she knows this thing looks familiar.

“Put it away for now. Don’t do anything with it until I tell you to.” They listen and put it in their pockets.

“The place we need to head for is the dreamtime, but it’s inaccessible using normal methods.” Ronaldo holds up his piece of paper. “This is our ticket to that dimension, but I must warn you that it will be a very disorienting experience.”

“What is it? And how do we use it?” Steven asks.

“What I hold in my hand is known as a blotter. It contains LSD. To use it, you must ingest it, or absorb it under your tongue.”

“W-whoa what? I thought these looked familiar!” She looks at Steven and then to Ronaldo. “You can’t be serious! Do you know what my parents would do if they found out I had been taking drugs! I’m already pushing the boundaries to their breaking point!”

“You can stay stuck in Steven’s body forever then, if you wish.” He blithely responds with crossed arms.

In a flash of realization Connie remembers what Garnet had told her last night. Her words echo. _If I tell you, then you’ll never switch back._

“Thanks a lot Garnet. No wonder you didn’t tell me.” She mumbles to herself.

Steven turns the body he’s inhabiting toward his body. He grabs his own hand. “Connie. I don’t think we’re meant to stay like this forever.”

“But. But. But Steven!”

Steven kisses her on the lips. “Connie. We’ll get through this together. Jam buds?”

The tears start to well up in Steven’s eyes. Then she giggles. “Yeah. Jam buds.” She hugs him.

“HEYO! WE GOT THE WOOD! YEAH YEAH!” Amethyst exclaims with excessive volume.

Then they see Steven and Connie. 

“Oh um. Bad timing?” Amethyst says deflated.

“We can give you two a moment if you need it.” Garnet says while readjusting her visor.

“No. It’s fine.” They say in unison.

They drop the logs into a large pile and a small pile.

“Uh okay. Now what? We don’t have a match.” Amethyst points out with her hand on her hip.

Ronaldo pulls out a lighter. Steven and Connie just look at him. 

“What? How else would I smoke the good ganja?” He makes a puffing motion and smiles. It takes a little bit of coaxing, but the fire burns brightly. Garnet summons a pair of drums and starts to make a beat.

“Are you ready?” Ronaldo holds up his blotter. They get theirs out too. “Just put it under your tongue.”

Ronaldo holds out his hands. They all hold hands together. “When it starts to kick in just focus on where you want to go. The energies around this place will act as a guide to help you get there.”

Once the drug starts kicking in, Steven and Connie start to get nervous. Ronaldo reminds them that they’ll be okay. This is a normal part of the experience.

“Remember, focus on getting to where to want to go!” The lines on Ronaldo’s body start to light up brightly. The drum beats, the visions, the smells, they all start to fade away. All three of them end up in the dreamtime. They look at each other and they see that they look like themselves.

“Yay! We did it!” Steven expresses with jubilation.

“It’s too early to celebrate just yet.” Ronaldo walks away from them and looks around to make sure it’s safe.

“Where’s beach city?” He asks.

“The dreamtime is not a place that is definite. This place is a representation of the dreams in your mind. But not just the boring old mundane sleep dreams. No, it’s more fundamental than that.”

He faces them squarely. “Just to rule out the obvious. I think you two should attempt to go back into your original bodies.”

“How do we do that?”

“Just go back the way you came. And remember, focus on where you want to go.” Steven and Connie focus on where they want to go. Their first thought is not their own bodies, however. Their first thought is their desire to be together. So that’s where they start going. They start glowing and coming closer together.

“Wait no! Stop! Not that way!” He runs over and tries to separate them with his power over this dimension, but he’s repelled.

Back in the waking world Ronaldo is launched backward with a white light flashing between the three of them. Steven and Connie fuse. All three of them, Stevonnie and Ronaldo, are still as frozen as statues, though.

“Guys. That wasn’t nice. He was only trying to help.” Stevonnie scolds them. She waits for a response, but she doesn’t hear anything.

“Uh, guys?” She waits for that classic chatter, but nothing.

“Hey, this isn’t funny. Say something!” There was nothing, but silence.

“Steven?... Connie?” No response again.

“Uh oh. I think I’ve got a problem.”

She looks over at Ronaldo and walks over to him. “Hey. Are you alright?”

“Urgh.” He rubs his head and sits up.

“Well, at least they did what I told them to. Maybe a little too well.”

“No kidding. I can’t hear them. I can’t feel their individual presences. It’s like they evaporated into nothingness, but they’re still here at the same time. Like they’ve been blended together.”

“They got a taste of something good, and they couldn’t resist going back.” Ronaldo replies.

“Huh?”

“I went through that place as well. I remember what it was like to be one with the source. However, I got there by myself. When they came back they must have went in together and so they felt what it was like to be the same. They wanted it back, but they only incorporated into each other. Right now, they’re out of their ‘ego vehicles’ and so those vehicles cease to exist in any meaningful way and they become invisible. You are their ego vehicle now. That is why you cannot sense them.”

“Wha- But I don’t want them to do that! They matter as individuals as much as I matter as a whole.”

“It doesn’t matter what _you_ want. They are the ones in control of this. The only way they are going to come back is if they are convinced that they _should_ come back. If they don’t want to come back, you can’t force them back.”

“How long will it take for that to happen?”

“It’s not a matter of when. It’s a matter of _if_.”


	13. Stevonnie’s Realizations

A week later for Stevonnie, both of them have traveled far away from their starting point. They start climbing up a mountain and it doesn’t really take so much effort since this is not the same reality that they’re used to. They reach the summit and look out across the landscape. It’s so beautiful and unearthly, yet natural and calming.

Stevonnie looks out upon the seemingly infinite distance when something changes inside of her. She was thinking about Steven and Connie again and then she realizes something else has gone wrong. Who was Steven’s mother? What was her name? Was it Priyanka or Rose? To Stevonnie they’re both equally her mother, but she was usually able to remember which one’s was originally Connie’s or Steven’s. She bites her lip and puts her hand to her mouth in deep concern. She was forgetting things about them.

She feels a presence. She turns around and sees a very angry Jasper behind her.

“Time for a rematch!” She punches her open palm.

Ronaldo merely looks back over his shoulder then looks back at the scenery and simply flicks his hand in the air. This causes Jasper to launch backward into the mountain side.

“UWH! I’LL GET YOU ROSE! YOU HEAR ME! I’LL GET YOU IF IT’S THE LAST THING I DOOOO…” She shakes her fist as she moves further away.

“You didn’t even strain at all this time!”

“Didn’t need to.”

A year later Stevonnie fashioned herself a last name. She combined their two last names, Maheswaran and Universe, to get Mahesniverse. She fancied it. Her full name now, Stevonnie Mahesniverse.

Stevonnie roams around the dreamtime for millenia. They found many a strange place in this realm, and they fought Jasper countless times. Once Ronaldo had successfully trained her to utilize her power over this place she eventually outdid him, and he was proud of that. Jasper stood no chance, but she would not give up. 

The years pass by and she slowly forgets which memories are Connie’s and which are Steven’s. They become more and more distant; their memories become more jumbled up. At one point she can only remember their names and then after a while she even forgets that. She forgets she’s even a fusion in the first place, and she wonders around like that for close to a thousand years only faintly remembering she has to do something, but she can’t remember what.

“Hey!”

“Hm? What’s up?” Ronaldo asks.

“Have you ever been curious about fusion?”

“Uh. No?”

“Oh. Well I know of it, but I’ve never done it before. I’ve seen so many of the Crystal Gems fuse before, but I never done it.”

“What? But you _are_ a fusion!”

She holds back a laugh. “What are you talking about! I’m not a fusion! I’m just me!”

“Uh.”

Stevonnie holds out her hand. “So do you want to?”

“I uh. I’m not sure about it. It doesn’t feel right.”

“Oh it’s nothing like that. I promise! This time it’s purely platonic. I just want to share this with my best friend!”

“B-best friend?”

“Aw. Don’t tell me we aren’t friends...” Stevonnie is at the verge of tears. 

Ronaldo reluctantly holds out his hand. Her eyes widen with excitement, the tears go away, and she smiles.

“Okay! So you just do like this!” She takes his hand.

“Whoa!”

They dance with each other and then she has him leaning back while holding him. Christ almighty, what has he gotten hisself into? Nothing happens and they stop.

“Sorry.” He says.

“No don’t apologize. I hope you liked it.” Stevonnie gives Ronaldo a hug. He’s a little a startled, but he appreciates the affection so he hugs them back.

“So Steven and Connie were really okay with this?”

“S-Steven? C-Connie? W-Wh.”

Stevonnie lets him go and they step apart and she puts her hand to her head. That’s when it became clear what she was supposed have been doing all this time.

After that she goes around for tens of thousands of years trying to force them to come out, but no matter how far she went it always seemed like they were the same distance away. She remembers more and more about which memories belong to whom, but they remain ever elusive like the end of a rainbow.

Eventually she realizes that her quest is never going to end because by trying to make it happen, she is making sure it will _never_ happen. It was an uncomfortable feeling to accept that she had absolutely no control over the situation. Tears overflow from her eyes and she just helplessly calls out for Steven and Connie. She misses them more than anything in existence. She feels a slight nudge inside of herself.

She walks around for another few hundred years just learning to accept the way things are. It still felt painful. Then, one day, out of nowhere.

“Nnno. I don’t want to leave.”

“But we need to leave.”

“I don’t want to be separate.”

“Maybe the separation is just a useful illusion?”

“It never felt like that.”

“If it weren’t useful, then how else would we be talking to each other? There would be no one to talk _to_.”

“What if we never get to this again?”

“We got here. We can get here again. Okay, Connie?”

“If you really believe so, then I believe you, Steven.”

“Stevonnie!” They both say at the same time in Stevonnie’s mind.

“Steven! Connie! Oh god. I missed you so much.” They say.

“But we never left you.” Connie says.

“That’s not it. I couldn’t _talk_ to you guys. It was nice, to be you two, but I couldn’t talk to either of you like that.”

“I see.” Steven replies.

“Connie. I think we need to remember that.”

“Yeah. I want to be able to respond to her when she needs it.”

Stevonnie runs to find Ronaldo. “RONALDO! We did it! WE DID IT! After what seemed like eternity they finally came back!”

“Hm? We only just talked about this a few months ago. Oh right. My time is not the absolute time.”

“Huh. I wonder if Steven and Connie experience time the same way I do.” They turn inward to their original personae. “Hey. How much time passed for you two?”

“What are you talking about?” Steven replies confused.

“Yeah. Steven and I came apart as fast as we came together. As soon as we were together the next moment we were apart, but we never lost awareness.”

“You mean, you didn’t experience _any_ time? _At all_?” Stevonnie says with as much confusion as them.

“They didn’t? Hm. I will have to take a mental note of that. My best guess as to why that happened, is that they since didn’t ‘exist’ in that manner they didn’t experience any time.” Ronaldo remarks.

“R-right. So. What’s next?” Stevonnie asks.

“You two need to come apart now.”

Stevonnie tries as hard as they can. They get a little blue in the face, but stop before they pass out. “I don’t think they want to come out right now.”

“It’s worse than I thought.” Ronaldo looks down at the ground while holding his chin. “Plan B. You go back to the waking world as, uhm, whoever you are.”

“In all this time, I forgot to tell you my name. It’s Stevonnie.”

“Stevonnie. Okay. Stevonnie, go back to your body in the waking world.”

“Right away.” They think about where they want to go and then they fade away from Ronaldo’s vision.

“Hm. I wonder if I’ll ever find someone who will be that for me…?” Then he folds his arms. “What would I need to do, I wonder?”

Something he doesn’t realize yet is that the act of trying to get unconditional love doesn’t even make sense. If it’s unconditional, then there’s nothing anyone can do to cause it. In fact, all he needs to do is open up his eyes and see that unconditional love _is_ , _was_ , and always will _be_. It’s not a feeling. It’s an unstoppable force of nature.

Stevonnie finds themselves back in the waking world, but the world still looks very strange. They are still tripping after all.

“How long was I- I mean, how long were they gone for?”

“I unno. Like 5 hours?” Amethyst says with forced indifference.

Ronaldo gets up a few minutes later. “Ow. My head hurts.”

“Sorry, Ronaldo. Again. But I couldn’t control what they were doing.”

“No. It’s fine. The pain will go away eventually.”

“I wanna go home.” Stevonnie says.

Garnet makes her gauntlets huge and then puts out the fire.

When they end up in Steven’s house again, Ronaldo lets hisself out. “We’ll continue this tomorrow.” Then he closes the door behind hisself.

Stevonnie feels Connie’s phone vibrate. They get the phone from their pocket. “Uh oh. Dad. Oh no! I can’t talk to him like this! What do I do?”

“Stevonnie. Hide in the bathroom, I’ll handle this.”

“Like you did last time? No thanks.”

Garnet pushes on her visor.

“Ah. Okay. I’m still not sure about that though. You don’t exactly inspire confidence when it comes to interacting with human beings.” Stevonnie grabs a pillow from Steven’s bed and heads into the bathroom. “If you’re lying to him, though. Don’t expect me to go along with it.” They stare at something for a moment and then close the bathroom door.

Five minutes later they hear someone climbing up the steps. Doug says something muffled behind the wall. “This girl is going to run me into an early grave.”

He opens the front door. He walks in and sees part of the Crystal Gems standing in the living room.

“Ahem. Where is my daughter?”

“We don’t know where either of them are. However, we do know they went somewhere together. Don’t worry about it, we will take care of this.” Garnet says with no social grace.

Doug stares for a moment and then he goes into an almost blind rage. “Are you gem people fucking crazy? My daughter has run off with her boyfriend to god knows where and you expect me not do anything about it?! There is no way I’m going to let that happen without a fight.”

Garnet sighs. “It seems we have no choice. Doug, if you would. Follow me.”

Garnet opens the bathroom door. Doug pokes his through the doorway, and he sees a woman in her early thirties laying in an empty tub. He seems puzzled, but she looks so familiar.

He’s about to say something, but Garnet cuts him off. “This is Steven and Connie. They are fused. Right now, they are experiencing fusion sickness.”

Doug walks with a slow pace over to the bathtub. Then he kneels down. “I don’t understand. How can this person be my daughter and her boyfriend?”

“Wait. What in the hell is fusion!” He stands up and folds his arms. “You tell me what happened with Connie. Right. Now.”

“Fusion is the process of two or more gems merging into a single being. It is the highest form of trust in any relationship for us. Romantic or otherwise. Their two fleshes became one.”

Doug furrows his brow and then makes a face of disgust. “I knew there was something off about all of you from day one. I had hoped that I was proven wrong about my reservations, but I couldn’t have imagined how degenerate you were. Get them apart. I’m taking Connie home with me.”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t do that. Doing so would result in serious mental and physical injuries or worse, death. They need each other to get through this. Just give them time and they will come apart of their own volition.”

“Dad.” Stevonnie grabs onto Doug’s sleeve.

“Sweetheart?”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I never told either of you about us. About. This. I knew you’d freak out.” Connie says through Stevonnie.

“Yes, ‘freaked out’ are the right words. Just look at you and how you’re behaving.”

“Did anyone ever tell you that you have a beautiful rainbow outline?” Stevonnie remarks. Then they start giggling at what they said.

Doug looks at Garnet. “It’s a rare symptom, but hallucinations can occur.” Garnet lies.

“Garnet. I told you I’m not going to lie anymore. Right now everything’s so clear to me. The patterns are overlaying and connected. What matters right now is the truth.” Stevonnie takes a deep breath. “Dad. Me and Steven took LSD about 5 hours ago to reach a place called the ‘dreamtime’.”

“Connie that’s en-”

“Dad. I’m not finished.” She interrupts gently.

“I would’ve never agreed to this under normal circumstances. The butterflies that show in our lives have become so small, but we appreciate what they bring. Happiness or sadness, pleasure or pain, it’s all okay.” Stevonnie stares at a slight discoloration in Doug’s glasses.

“The reason I did this was because yesterday we had somehow managed to switch bodies. It wasn’t something we were anticipating at all. It all happened when the illusory barriers between us disappeared. When we were in the source, we were the same, and one with the source. It was the happiest experience I ever had. Please don’t take me away from Steven; I don’t know if I could bear to lose him.” Stevonnie stares at Doug with earnestness and turns her focus to some interesting formation in the wall.

“Was there anything thing else?”

“Oh yeah. There is. Let me think about it for a moment.” Stevonnie rubs the stubble on their chin. When it comes to them, Connie says, “You were right about me and Steven. We are going to bed together, and I’m the one who initiated it. I’m sorry for lying.”

Doug gets up. He turns around and starts walking toward the door while gripping his forehead. “Jesus. Why did I ever give up smoking?” He exits. Garnet moves toward Stevonnie and crouches down.

“I had to. I’m sorry.”

“No. You did the right thing.”

Doug is outside leaning on the railing. “Alright, Doug. Just get your nerves to calm down.” He takes a deep breath and exhales. It takes him a few moments before he pulls out his cellphone and calls his wife. He hears it connecting.

“Hello. You’ve reached the cellphone of Dr. Maheswaran. I’m not currently available. I may not be able to answer for while if extenuating circumstances occur. Please leave a message and I will try to get back with you in a timely manner. Thank you.”

After Doug hears the beep he starts his message. “Hon. We need to talk about our daughter.” He hangs up the phone and then gazes into the night sky lost in thought.


	14. Diving Into Disaster

Doug decides it’s best if he leaves for now. There isn’t much he can personally do to remedy the situation. When he’s driving down the road and feels sick in his stomach he notices the way the lights of the cars, the street-lamps, and the stoplights, are all coming into view and then leaving. Damn it. She’s too young to have already found someone. When he pulls up to their apartment he sees that his wife’s car is there as well.

He opens the front door to their apartment and sees his wife sitting on the couch with her legs crosses and her arms folded. "Where is our daughter?" 

"Actually, that's what I want to talk about."

Doug walks past her and into the kitchen. “Come in here. I’ll make you some tea. You’ll need it.”

“Doug. Just tell me what’s going on.”

“Hon. I know how I reacted when I heard it and I know how you’ll react when you hear it. Come into the kitchen.” Then he says soft and quiet. “Please.”

Priyanka gets up off the couch and walks into the kitchen.

After he makes tea for the both of them they settle in across from each other. Then they start drinking. “So, what happened?”

“Have you calmed down yet?”

“Doug. I don’t have time for-”

“Honey.”

Priyanka puts her cup of tea down. Then she cools down a little bit. “Just tell me what happened already.”

Doug leans back in his chair. “I’ll start with the least shocking news.”

Doug takes a sip of his tea. “Our daughter admitted to me that she is sleeping with her boyfriend. But there’s more.”

He takes another sip. “Right now they are ‘fused’ together. This one I don’t really comprehend, but right now, instead of being two people, they are one person. You’d have to see it to understand what I mean. They also said they ‘switched’ bodies. I don’t know what that means either, maybe that’s some new thing the kids are into these days.”

He braces hisself for the bombshell he’s going to drop. He takes a huge gulp of his tea and sits it back down. “And. She admitted to me that she just took LSD with her boyfriend this evening.”

Doug waits for his wife to yell or to say anything, but she simply lays her cup of tea down as gently as she can and is silent when she walks away. Concerned about his wife’s reaction he gets up and follows her. He sees her walking toward the door. “Where are you going?”

She stops and then lets out a small breath. “WHAT DO YOU THINK? I’M GOING TO GET OUR DAUGHTER!” Then she tries to continue to the door, but Doug grabs her.

“LET GO OF ME!”

“I can’t do that.”

“I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU WERE THINKING WHEN YOU LEFT CONNIE WITH THAT BOY, BUT I’M GOING TO SEPARATE THEM.”

“Hon. I know exactly how you’re feeling, but there’s nothing we can do for now.”

She looks back at Doug with a viciousness in her eyes. She is ready to tear someone or something apart. He doesn’t let go. The more she struggles to get away the more he doesn’t let go. Something changes within her, a crack within her rage. Then everything changes all at once. Doug lets go and she falls to her knees. He can hear a restrained sob as she’s trying to hold everything together, but it’s falling apart despite her best efforts.

He sits down beside his wife on the living room floor. He puts his arm around her and tries to comfort her, but she pushes his arm away. There’s a look of absolute desolation in her face. This is crushing her. “If there’s nothing we can do to change this. Then what do we do?”

Doug pulls away and looks his wife straight in the eyes. “We move forward.”

"Doug. I want to see my baby."

"I know. But that isn't really the wisest idea right now."

"Why not?"

"Because Connie isn't 'there' right now."

"You're not making any goddamned sense. What do you mean she isn't there?"

"Like I said. They're 1 person right now. You wouldn't be seeing her, but them together. It's better if we just leave it alone."

"But my baby. I want to at least know she's safe."

"She is. Please trust me on this."

She sighs. "Alright. Against my better judgement I'll believe you."

Doug gets an idea. “Hey. We need to get this off our minds . Lets go out somewhere; like we used to.”

“I’m not in the mood right now.”

“It does us no good to wallow in self-pity.”

Priyanka can’t argue against that point. So she relents and they choose a place they haven’t been to in many years. They get out of the car. She’s in an elegant dress and he’s in a pretty nice outfit as well. He offers his arm to her. Her mouth twitches into a small smile for a second. There’s an inkling of nostalgia within her. They walk into the restaurant to be seated.

“Hi, my name’s Jessica and I’ll be your server this evening. Our fresh fish menu is right here and the today’s specials are right here. What type of drink do you want to get started for this evening?”

“I’ll have tea.” Doug says.

“And for you ma’am?”

“Rum. The strongest you have.” Priyanka says flatly.

Doug looks at his wife with concern.

“Ah... Do you want that in a mixed drink-”

“Just bring me a bottle.”

“I’ll see what I can do...” The waitress finishes writing down what they ordered and goes off to somewhere else.

“Hey. Do you want to talk about it?”

“What. Is. There. To talk. About?”

“Is this situation reminding you of your mother?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You told me a long time ago you did not want to repeat what she did.”

“I don’t want to talk about that.”

“But.”

“Drop the subject.”

Doug doesn’t pry any further. Fifteen minutes later the waitress returns.

“Here’s your tea, sir.” She sits the glass in front of him. “And here’s your rum.” She sets a small, 4.5 oz, bottle of 150 proof rum and a shot glass in front of her. Then she sits a basket of biscuits in the middle of the table.

“Are you ready to order, or would you like me to give you some more time to look over the menu?”

“Ah. I know what I want. I’ll have the cod.”

“Okay. That comes with roasted potatoes and steamed broccoli. Would you like to change any of the sides.”

“No it’s fine the way it is.”

“Okay. And for you ma’am?”

She’s pouring out some of the rum into a shot glass. “Huh? Oh. Yeah. I’ll… have the flounder.”

“That comes with scalloped potatoes and rice pilaf. Is that alright?”

“Yeah. Sure.” She downs the shot of rum.

The waitress looks at Doug with a furrowed brow. He only shakes his head and shrugs.

“It’ll be ready in half an hour.” She goes to wait on another table.

“You know you shouldn’t be drinking like that.”

“Doug, I am not in the mood for your shit right now.” She goes to pour another shot, but just downs the rest of the bottle instead.

“I didn’t turn to cigarettes when I was going through what you’re going through. Why are you doing this?”

“Just. Shut the hell up.” Those words cut deep. He knows she’s in pain, but that was unnecessary. Where did the love go all those years ago? Was it even really there to begin with?

Doug says something, anyway. “You never talk about it when it bothers you. I don’t see you letting it go either. You just keep obsessing over it and letting it fester until it eats away at you. Then you get pissed off because I’m trying to help you through it.”

“Keep this up and you’ll see how pissed off I can _really_ get.”

Now Doug is starting to see something he has been trying to get off his mind since the day Connie was born.


	15. Devastation

The next day, on Saturday, Priyanka wakes up with a bad hangover. She turns over, but Doug isn’t in bed. She drags herself to the bathroom and pukes into the toilet. When she thinks she’s gotten it out of her system she stands back up and tries to regain balance. She holds her hand to her head, she does not feel pleasant at all.

She walks downstairs while clinging to the railing to keep herself from falling down the stairs. The apartment is completely silent. She saunters into the kitchen and sees a letter sitting on the table. She opens it up and when she sees what’s written, she wishes she hadn’t.

 

_I just can’t do this anymore. I wanted to be in your heart and you in mine, but you kept pushing me away. I tried. I tried so hard to keep a family for my only daughter. I tried to get back to what we used to have. Staying for maybe a return to our loving relationship. I numbed myself to your vindictiveness and your coldness for the longest time so we could be a family. But we weren’t really much of a family, were we? When we spent time together with out daughter we looked like a happy family, but the hidden truth was there was always a tension between us. We were able to put masks on for her sake. But, I’m exhausted; there’s no energy left in me. I’m tired of being stuck in a loveless marriage and I want out._

 

The paper gains tear stains. She walks into the living room while looking at this letter. Her hands shake. Then she crumples it into a ball and throws it. Thoughts start bouncing off the walls within her head, she holds a picture of them when they got married. She launches it across the room as hard as she can. It runs into the wall and the glass holding picture in shatters into pieces. Despite this, the light that reflects off of the broken glass is stunning. Like light coming through a stained glass window it glimmers with warmth.

It creeps up on her and she realizes that she is alone. A miasm clouds her inner landscape. When she has come to a complete recognition of what has happened a trapdoor opens under her and she is dropped into the abyss. Lightning struck the tower and it made it collapse in on itself. A painful, yet deeply purifying experience. From where she is now, though, it seems anything but that.

She backs up to a wall and then slides down to the floor. The light that filters through the windows seems cold and harsh to her. She sits in a fetal position all alone in the quiet of her empty apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.jamendo.com/track/904823/rachel-s-death
> 
> Beginning to 2:46 and 3:35 to 5:06.


	16. Reaching Out

After two hours of just sitting by herself in the living room with no light, save for the sunlight coming through windows she decides to try to contact Connie. She gets up, goes to the phone in the kitchen, and dials her number.

At Steven’s house Stevonnie is sprawled out on Steven’s bed. Connie’s phone starts to buzz, but they are too tired to even hear anything. They are still fast asleep.

“Hi! You’ve reached the phone of Connie Maheswaran. I’m not able to answer right now, but if you leave a message I’ll be sure to call back!” The message ends and it makes a blip.

“Connie. It’s your mother. I need to talk to you in person. Please call back as soon as you can… I love you.” She hangs up the phone.

She takes a seat at the table and cries.

Stevonnie sleeps well into the afternoon. When they do wake up they stretch out and yawn big. They jump down to the living room. There’s a piece of paper with something written on it.

 

_Just in case you forgot what Ronaldo said last night. You need to go visit him this evening once you’ve unfused._

-Garnet

 

She goes to pick up both Steven’s and Connie’s phones. What’s this? Connie has a new voicemail? Stevonnie checks.

_Connie. It’s your mother. I need to talk to you in person. Please call back as soon as you can… I love you._

“Connie. Mother sounds upset.”

Stevonnie calls her back. Priyanka picks up.

_Hello?_

“Mother?”

_Connie? You don’t sound like yourself._

“Oh, I wore my voice out.”

She’s not entirely buying it, but she’s too distracted to question it. She shakes her head. _Where are you? ___

____

____

“I’m at Steven’s home.”

_I’ll be over there soon._ She hangs the phone up.

“Ready or not. Here she comes.”

They wait down at the foot of the stairs outside. Connie’s mother walks toward the house. She’s lost a certain vital force and her movement is slow. 

“Mom!” Stevonnie springs to their feet.

She jumps back a little bit. “Wh-”

Then she remembers how ‘Connie’ sounded on the phone. She shakes her head again.

“Who are you?”

“Oh. That’s right. Steven and Connie never introduced me. I’m Stevonnie. They make up who I am. I am them and they are me.”

“Of course. Why not! Nothing else makes sense right now, so why not add more nonsense while we’re at it!” Her mother tries to shrug, but her arms just flop back down.

“Uh. Mom. Are you feeling alright?”

“So, you’re saying Connie is in there?”

“Uh yeah. But, I thought you’d be. I dunno, more like, you two split apart this instant!” They say imitating what they think she would sound like.

“Can I talk to her alone?”

“Well, you could, if she would split apart from Steven, but I can’t get them to come apart no matter what I say or do.”

“Guess I don’t have a choice then.” She takes a deep breath and then exhales.

“Connie. Your father and I- We’re getting- divorced.”

“H-huh?” Stevonnie’s eyes widen as they dissipate into an ephemeral light.

“Did this just happen last night? Why are you and dad getting a divorce?” ‘Steven’ asks.

Connie’s mother looks confused at ‘Steven’. He’s talking to her like he’s Connie.

“Connie, no one told her yet.”

“Oh. Mom, Steven and I are not in our own bodies. We switched.”

Priyanka only blinks. She feels the only option at this point is to just accept it and go on like normal. Steven walks away from them to give them privacy. “He left me a note saying he doesn’t want to be together anymore. He decided it wasn’t worth it.”

She can’t hold up her facade any longer. She is not strong right now, it breaks down and she starts crying. The tears won’t stop coming. She didn’t want her daughter to see this. She didn’t want her daughter to see her own mother break down.

Connie starts to have tears in Steven’s eyes. “Momma.” 

She walks over and throws Steven’s arms around her mother.

It takes a while, but Priyanka finally gets herself back together somewhat. She asks, “If you two are switched, does that mean Steven has been going to school in your place?”

“Oh. Yeah. But this only just happened on Thursday evening, so he’s only been in my shoes at school for a day.” 

Then she looks over to ‘Connie’. “I know Steven has to stay with you so that ‘I’ don’t miss any days in school, but I want to stay at home too. Can I?”

“Connie. You’re my daughter, what kind of question is that? Of course you can.”

“I love you, mom.”

“I love you too, sweetheart.” Under normal circumstances this would warm Priyanka’s heart, but nothing can make her feel better. She only sinks further into darkness. Everything tastes bitter in heart right now.

“Um. There’s a chance that we’ll have to take LSD again.”

“Connie. No. Absolutely not. I’m not going to tear you away from Steven, but I will not allow you to take recreational drugs under any circumstances.” She wags her finger at ‘Steven’.

“But, mom.”

“No buts. I should already ground you for taking it.”

“We need to in order to switch back!”

Priyanka makes an empty chuckle. “You’re going to have to do a little better than that to pull the wool over my eyes. Honey, please, listen to me. I just don’t want you to destroy your own life.”

She has another realization. With them being switched, she essentially has no power over her own daughter right now. Even if she grounded her, Connie could just leave and Priyanka couldn’t force her to come back. She couldn’t report a missing child because her child’s body is there, but not her essence. They would think she had gone off the deep end and would take ‘Connie’ into a foster home. Her life has changed overnight, literally, and she doesn’t like it. In a matter of hours she lost what belief of control over her life she thought she ever had. Her head and shoulders slouch.

Steven remembers they need to see Ronaldo in a few hours. He approaches them. “Hey, Connie. There is something I need to do in a few hours.”

“Hm?” Then she reads between the lines. “Oh. Right. I remember. I’ll meet up with you afterward.”

Connie winks at Steven in understanding. Steven nods. “Alright! See you!”

After Steven walks off Connie asks, “Guess I won’t be seeing much of you during the day.”

“Actually, you will for this week. I told them one of my loved ones died and now I have an entire week off.”

Connie makes a half smile with Steven’s mouth.


	17. Peridot’s Empathy

“Entry number 2.

Last night’s attempt at gathering information proved to be only minimally useful with regards to switching them. Though I have gained a few more insights about the dreamtime.

The most fruitful part was information I wasn’t even looking for in the first place. I’ve noticed that when observing the differences between things in the dreamtime if I go far enough I reach a place within the dreamtime where the differences between things start to disappear. However, the closer I try to get to the undifferentiated, the further it becomes. It’s like chasing a rainbow. Unlike a rainbow, though, its ‘end’ does exist. If you think about it, you can’t get to nowhere by starting somewhere. You’ll never reach it because there’s no place to be reached.

I hadn’t even considered that there might would be deeper desires than for them to simply be back in their original bodies. It was fascinating how not only their bodies fused together, but their 'souls' fused together and not fused by they _merged_ together. From Stevonnie’s perspective it took thousands of years just to get them to even make the beginning of a response. Even when she was able to become them, they still didn’t want to separate. Given the amount of time it took Stevonnie to coax her original personalities out of being merged I wouldn’t be surprised if it took years for them to separate in the waking world. Though, as I told Stevonnie back in the dreamtime, if they have a good reason to separate, they will. This lack of control they have when wanting to be together is troubling to say the least. It will not be an easy lesson for them to learn, and I’d rather not be the one to have to teach it.

After I told Stevonnie to go back to the waking world we headed off. The LSD was not working on me as I have been used to, when I came back to. That serum has fundamentally altered me in ways that I can’t even begin to expect.

When we were teleporting back to Steven’s house I asked Garnet what exactly fusion was and what it entailed. She told me that fusion was an experience. The result was not two people and not one person. I asked her if it were possible for a fusion under normal circumstances to completely ‘lose’ their separate identities. She told me that as a fusion she had seen glimpses of something like that. Moments where her component parts, Ruby and Sapphire, and herself, completely disappear, but they’re still there. The overwhelming majority of the time she described it as them dissolved into each other, but that Garnet was still ‘distinct’. They thought they were one with each other, but distinct from other things. Then another state was usually when she would fall apart and her component parts would be ‘sleeping’ which doesn’t last long as they soon wake up and then split apart. She said neither one of them wanted to stay in that prolonged state of ‘egolessness’ because they were afraid of losing ‘themselves’, but mostly they didn’t want to let go of each other, and Garnet didn’t want to lose ‘herself’ either.

What an interesting choice of words. What did she mean they didn’t want to ‘let go of each other’? During ego death you’re closer to each other than otherwise could be. Out of those possible states she described I would say that Steven and Connie were in the state of being dissolved into each other, but thinking they were distinct through Stevonnie. In other words, they were in a state like Garnet’s default state. However, it's like a ten times stronger version of that, close to and yet a million miles away from complete ego death.

Even so, I don’t believe this actually encapsulates what is happening. These words must only be like pointers, but cannot fully convey what is happening. Like drawing a 2d representation of a 3d object, or more aptly a 4d object.

Now, as I was saying earlier about trying to switch them back, it didn’t work. I believe I should try to get them to do it again, only this time I’ll tell them to go back one at a time. If that doesn’t work then we’ll have to move on to find another possible solution.

OH! I nearly forgot. I had the most delightful strawberry milkshake the other day! I am going to attempt to recreate it tomorrow.

End of entry.”

Ronaldo sighs. He lays on his back and closes his eyes. The grass feels scratchy, but makes a serviceable resting spot.

“I know you’ve been watching this whole time. Come out already.”

Peridot peaks her head out from the rock she’s been hiding behind. She walks up to his side and then sits down.

“Is something bothering you?”

Ronaldo doesn’t reply.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“What’s there to talk about?”

“Oh my god! Will you please not be as stubborn as Lapis Lazuli?!”

He opens his eyes and looks over at Peridot.

“You’re acting like I used to. But I only did that because I was a strange being on a strange planet. I didn’t understand things like the beauty of nature. You know, I used to observe you as well as other humans around Beach City. This definitely isn’t how you normally act!”

“Gee. You think captain obvious? I’ll give you a gold star to replace that diamond on your uniform.”

“URGGH!! WHY IS IT THAT WHEN I STICK MY NECK OUT TO HELP PEOPLE I ALWAYS GET THE ONES WITH BAD ATTITUDES!”

“Okay. So you say you want to help me. But how could you know what it’s like? How could you know what it’s like to be thrown into a situation you cannot escape? Having your mind and body altered without you even asking for it?”

Peridot stands up. She pulls him up by the collar of his shirt and slaps him across the face as hard she can manage which leaves a very red spot on his face. “Out of all the beings on this planet, I’m going to understand exactly what you’re going through, you clod! Lapis would too if she were still here.”

Ronaldo puts his right hand to his face. He feels its warmth as it starts to swell.

“I got stuck on this planet! I couldn’t escape no matter what I tried! And! I used to have limb enhancers, but those were taken away from me. When I didn’t have them it felt like I had lost parts of my body! So don’t you tell me I don’t have any idea what you’re going through, because I’ve been there!”

“Do you know how it feels to have your mind changed from the inside out?”

“No. But there are many corrupted gems out there that would if only they could talk! But oh, that’s right! They had their minds forcibly changed just like what's happening to you and now they don’t know anything except for animalistic nature!” Peridot pauses. “Or the forced fusion experiments? They didn’t have a choice in their current state of existence either! You think you have to go through this all alone. But I’M here! So you don’t have to carry this all by yourself! I can help you! Just let me do so.”

He understood at least what corruption was, but forced fusion was a new one. He wasn't sure if really wanted to talk though. “I dunno. These things I’m going through. I don’t know how to put them into words.”

“There. At least that’s a start.” Peridot puts her hand on his shoulder.

“In my mind I can feel something eating away at me. There’s a certain dissatisfaction I have about the things I see now. The things that used to give me joy just seem so pointless now. I may have been a doofus before, but I was happy for the most part. Now I feel like my vitality is being drained away and I can only find satisfaction in highly ordered structures. But those structures still have tiny faults in them, things spoiling something that is otherwise perfect.”

“You know-” Peridot was about to start talking, but she hears two people in the distance.

“I love you.”

“I love you _more_.”

“Not as much as I love _you_.”

“No. No. I love you the most.”

Peridot and Ronaldo turn around to see Steven and Connie walking toward them. They’re giggling and holding hands while walking together. Steven had decided to wait for Connie before going to see him.

“Hey Peridot! What’re you doing with Ronaldo?”

“Just trying to get him to open up to me.”

“Oh really? What are you talking about?”

“Yeah, actually! I was about to tell him about-”

“Excellent! You two have unfused. What a miracle, something important must have happened for you two to come apart like that." Steven and Connie look at each other with sadness and then they nod. "Well, if both of you want to tell us what happened, you can, but I'm not going to pry on personal matters. Now that you two are here we need to go back to the dreamtime. Although we know where the location of the best place to be now, I still think it prudent to bring the rest of the Crystal Gems along as well.”

“Sure, we’ll just have to find them first.” Steven replies.

“I’m coming along too. I am a crystal gem, after all.” Peridot says.

“Sure thing, Peridot! It’s always funner when you’re around. Your hijinks make us laugh.”

“Is that a compliment or an insult?”

“Just follow us. We like your company.” ‘Connie’ smiles while Steven holds out her hand.


	18. ‘Separation’

The three already know what to do when they are there. They take the LSD and then they’re off. They appear in the dreamtime, but this time it’s Beach City.

“Steven. Come with me. Trying to do this with you two together didn’t work last time, so we’re going to try it with you two separate.”

“But I don’t want to be separate from her.”

“Yeah! Me either!”

“You do realize that by having that outlook you won’t be able to go back to the way you desire to be with each other?”

“But! I couldn’t bear to be apart from her.”

“And I feel the same.”

“Please don’t make this more difficult than it needs to be.” He massages his forehead.

“No!” They say together.

“Fine. Then I will have to separate you two by force!”

They start to fuse together in defiance. Then the lines on Ronaldo’s face start to glow. He sticks his right arm up and opens his palm to the sky.

“THE SOURCE AND ONENESS! HERE MY PLEA! GET THESE TWO TO UNDERSTAND ME!” His voice echoes. It reverberates in the sky with a thunderous volume. Lighting swiftly comes down and goes into Ronaldo’s open palm. With speed he takes his hands and makes a separating gesture. They stop glowing and are thrown apart.

Ronaldo stomps the ground and causes it to fracture. Then he separates it by an immense distance. As they are moving apart they yell for each other.

“STEEVEN!”

“CONNIEE!”

“You two need to learn self-control and relearn how to be happy by yourselves.” He backflips up to a place that allows him to see the entirety of dreamtime. It’s very close to the undifferentiated. This is the in-between. Where the distinctions are faint, but are still there. Once again, he knows there is no way he can get to the source without a direct route, bypassing the infinite stretch.

He observes the entirety of dreamtime. He notices that because of this he can also see the entire waking universe as well. Something starts to bother him a little bit. A nagging feeling that nips at him. He tries not to think about it, but it only becomes stronger. His eyes flash white for a second.

“So much imperfection in the world. In dreamtime.” Then he notices something. Highly ordered beings in a particular galaxy. He looks closer. It’s a hollowed out world. This is the gem Homeworld. Then he finds her. White Diamond. The most ordered being among their ranks. However, he is dissatisfied by what he sees.

“Even with highly ordered beings such as these, there still exists imperfections. Sure they’re tiny, but the closer they get to perfection without attaining it the more of an abomination they are.” He says with great anger.

He shakes his head and calms down. “Okay, let’s observe the structure of her vessel of consciousness.”

He zooms closer to White Diamond’s gem until he sees the underlying structure of it. What he sees intrigues him. He compares it to the other gem structures. “That’s funny. It almost looks as though they all have a signature. Hm. Probably due to how they create their ranks.”

Ronaldo zooms back out and looks at the galaxy closest to the Milky Way galaxy. He waves his hand and doesn’t sense any planets controlled by them, but he does sense a lot of devastated planets and not a single piece of life. So he looks at another galaxy close to this one and he senses the same thing, devoid of any life and many devastated planets. He looks at another and it’s the same thing. He keeps looking and he notices a path if he connects those galaxies together. “That’s. Not a good sign.”

He completely forgets about Steven and Connie as he continues looking around at the various galaxies.

Steven finds hisself on the jungle moon. How did he get here?

“Connie? Connie!” He yells. He hears nothing and asks in a quiet voice, “Where are you?”

For some reason he can feel a vague presence of her, but he can’t see her anywhere around. He looks down at the ground and gets angry. “Ronaldo. This is his fault.”

“Hey! I know! I can just wake back up and wait for Connie there.” Steven struggles. He has teeth clenched and his fists balled. It doesn’t work. “What? Why isn’t it working now?”

Steven looks up at the ruined planet in the sky. “I guess I’ll just have to stay here by myself for a while.” He slumps his shoulders and walks off to somewhere.

Connie also finds herself on the jungle moon.

“Oh. This place. Stevonnie stayed here for a while.” She looks up at the sky and remembers something. There was a diamond base on this moon in the awake world. “I might be able to find Steven that way.”

She heads toward the diamond base. Thankfully it was here, but there was something strange about. It looked the same as before, but it also looked like it hadn’t been touched by nature at all at the same time. It’s as if it can’t make up its mind on what time it is to it so its both at once instead. Connie walks up the stairs, but she doesn’t know if they’re going to stay that way so she runs up them as fast as she can. The control panel is also there. Hopping up onto the throne she pulls the screen down closer.

“Oh god. What was the passcode again?”

“Um. White? Yellow? Blue? Pink?” She says each name each time she presses the next button. It’s the right passcode.

“That’s the ticket. Now I just need to find something here to help me find him.”

When she tries to do so she loses her balance and causes the screen to output a bunch of entries. It says they’re classified. Some names that don’t mean anything to Connie. The penultimate one is labeled ‘Gem Nanites’. She opens that entry.

 

_As it has been known to the rest of the us, Pink Diamond does not act in the expected manner as required of her. Her height and powers are very much below what any of ours. If she were not a diamond she would have surely been shattered._

_However, to shatter a diamond by the hands of another diamond would be to cause disunity and chaos among our subjects. Yellow and Blue Diamond, you have expressed sympathies toward her and have said even if I ordered you to destroy her you would not do it. If you two weren't diamonds yourselves I would have had you shattered for treason, but no matter. For these reasons I am giving the order to begin research on direct gem augmentation technology._

_Included in this are the designs of a serum. This is part of the knowledge I was born with as the first gem and gemkind’s progenitor. It will only work on organic lifeforms as it is, so it needs to be modified to be able to work with gems._

 

She closes that entry and opens the final entry, which is labeled ‘Discontinuation of Gem Nanite research’.

 

_A large quantity of research has been conducted on Pink Diamond’s colony. At the moment, there’s a small rebellion that has been on its surface for cycles. It should be quashed within a small frame of time._

_With the rebellion we have been able to test the technology on traitorous, yet otherwise acceptable gems. The results have been damning. When the nanites were injected into off colors and otherwise defective gems it was thought that perhaps because of their inferior nature they were unable to handle modification. When the rebels were experimented on it was found that they shattered at around the same rate as the defectives within the margin of error expected for defective gems. To make absolutely sure this wasn’t due to the defects in the rebel’s minds we took a crop of rubies still loyal to the order and injected them with nanites as well. They too shattered at the same rate. Of all the gems who did not shatter their minds were eventually torn apart. All gems who who witnessed this, corruption, were shattered. We cannot let it become common knowledge that it is possible for a gem’s mind to become destroyed in this manner._

_I am hereby canceling the research on this technology and order the remaining nanites to be brought here to Homeworld for permanent storage._

 

“So they were developing this technology to fix Pink Diamond? It didn’t work as intended. Why keep technology that doesn’t work as it’s supposed to work?” She folds her arms. “Or maybe it’s exactly what she wanted all along.”


	19. Healing and ‘Reunification’

There is no actual danger within the dreamtime for Steven or Connie. There are no physical needs to take care of. They still retain the abilities honed by Stevonnie. There is no challenge here.

For Steven there is nothing to do except to sit with his own thoughts. To simply sit was not an easy thing for him to do, he’s always trying to distract hisself doing fun stuff to get hisself to stop thinking about uncomfortable thoughts. There are many times he feels he’s going to drown within the ocean of butterflies his mind conjures up. For a few months he stayed resentful toward Ronaldo. That was uncharacteristic of him, and he knew it. It made him feel very uncomfortable because he didn’t want to hold on grudges like that. That’s when he decided that he should start investigating his deepest thoughts closer while he’s all alone. His guilt over things he did, or didn’t do, were eating away at him. His guilt over potentially not living up to his mother’s legacy. His inability to see his true self because he was in a shadow shaped as his mother. He had always thought that he needed to be like his mother and so he distanced hisself from his true self. The one saving grace was his father. He accepted Steven as he was no matter what. 

Many times Steven thought he was fighting Jasper, but it turned out it was just an illusion. His thoughts were taking shape in this world and coming after him. Sometimes Bismuth or Eyeball would come to try and smite him, but again they were just illusions. They wouldn’t let up in his visions so he was forced to experience destroying them over and over, or at least that's what he thought. Eventually, he became so sick of trying to keep them away that he simply stopped fighting them. Once he did that, they never came back. Something else replaced them. Instead of being directly faced, now his thoughts taunt him in the shadows. Dark figures whispering about how worthless he is in his ear and when turns to face them, they’re gone. Steven got lost in this journey several times, but was he really? If there’s no where for him to arrive at, then how could he ever get lost?

As for Connie, she resisted this more than Steven. In the beginning she kept trying to use the base to try to find Steven, but he was nowhere to be found. After she realized it was futile to keep looking she tried to occupy herself by learning more things about gems and their empire by staying in the abandoned diamond base. Although it was fruitful in gaining knowledge, she was only avoiding her own painful inner wounds. Once she exhausted all the things she could want to know about, she kept learning things that she didn’t really care about. The wounds she faced inside were especially painful. She had a very hard time just being herself even when all alone. Lies, lies, and more lies. All to just protect herself.

Her parents helped her to get very far in the material world and she is heading toward a place where she is sure to survive in the economy, but their restrictive nature was very damaging to her. This is _absolutely not_ to say that one should ignore the material world, it’s an enormous part, but there is so much more to life than that. This is why they must be commended for keeping their daughter safe and in a stable home. Still, they inadvertently taught her that it’s best to deny her true self and lie. By holding on so hard, by trying so hard to prevent every little thing from hurting her, they only managed to hurt her more than ‘life’ ever could hope to. Life has a tendency to take things completely out of anyone’s control at least from time to time, so things still hurt their daughter, things still set her and them back. They loved her, sure, but this controlling aspect was not an expression of love. It did not come out of a place of pure unconditional love. It was an expression of their inability to accept things as they are. It was an expression of their dissatisfaction of how things are and always wanting more. However, what else could one expect from them when they themselves were damaged? On the other hand, this is not to demonize them for wanting to keep their daughter safe. This is commendable. It's necessary for one's psychological stability to have a stable home. So, the answer to this problem is actually surprisingly simple. They should have cleared their minds, became calm, and listened to their intuition. The answer requires oneself to look deep within themselves and ask the question, 'am I doing this for the right reasons?'

She continues to struggle against her own thoughts and they become her own personal demon. Her thoughts manifested a little differently than Steven’s did. Her thoughts took on the form of an omnipresent threat. It was hard to explain, but it’s like instead of discrete ideas, these ones were more abstract and general. It was like this, because she was more prone to lie about things within herself she abstracted the thoughts to ‘protect’ herself. It was such a painful thing to face these things. She knows what Garnet told her all those years ago that she needs to accept thoughts as they arise, but there’s only so much she could just accept. It hurt to open up that much, so she needed to close down at least for a little while. It takes time to grow, a lot of times years, sometimes decades. A lot of ‘backsliding’ occurred.

Both of them take years for them to realize that the other was never going to fix these problems within themselves, and that only they could do that. When that happened they realized that they had been together all along, but they just couldn’t see the other.

“STEVEN!” Connie has tears in her eyes.

“CONNIE! I MISSED YOU!” They hug and never want to let go.

“I never want to be separate again.”

“Me neither. But.” Steven pulls back a little bit.

“I understand what Ronaldo meant now. If I cling to your identity, never wanting to let you go, then I’ll never be able to actually see you for who you really are or be as one with you.”

“I know. I know. It’s just hard to do that.”

Then a light comes on in Steven’s head. “Connie. No matter where we are, we are already one. Whether we’ve ‘dissolved’ within Stevonnie or are ‘separate’ and the other is in another galaxy, we’re never actually apart. It just seems that way. So you don’t have to worry. Everything is exactly the way it should be.”

Connie fights that for a little bit, but once she sees the truth in the words she stops struggling. When she finally surrenders she has a momentary ego death. That’s when she remembers that the distinction of being Stevonnie and not being Stevonnie are not real in the way she thought. She holds Steven’s hands. It’s all okay in the end.

“Thank you so much. Now I know everything is going to be okay.” She smiles.

Ronaldo phases in front of them. Once his appearance solidifies he congratulates them.

“You’ve done well.” He puts his hands on their shoulders. “Are you ready to try again?”

“Yeah!”

“Absolutely!”


	20. True Love

They go back to the waking world, but Steven and Connie are still not switched back.

“Aw man. It still didn’t work.”

“It’s okay Steven. Actually, I’m starting to get somewhat comfortable with your body. I do want to switch back, but it’s not so bad.”

“Really? I mean I feel less uncomfortable than before, but I don’t feel comfortable. I guess somewhere in the back of mind I worry I might do something you won’t like and-”

Connie uses Steven’s hand to stop her mouth from talking. “Shh. You don’t have to worry about that. I trust you completely and without any reservations. See, I’m even being redundant to emphasize the point. Besides, at this point, how could you think I would think you’d ever hurt me? You have my permission to have total free reign over my body. Does that make you feel better, love?”

She moves his hand away.

“Yes it does.” He steps in and gives her a passionate kiss. When they pull away from each other they just stare into each other’s eyes. They don’t even need to say it. Their hearts beat as one. 

Then Steven says. “And. I give you the same permission over my body as well, my sweetest.”

Connie smiles.

They turn to face Garnet. In unison they say, “Garnet you have to-”

“NO!”

“YOU HAVE TO!”

“I SAID NO!” Then after seeing a lot of different possible futures she simply runs away to the warp pad and goes somewhere.

“Uh. What the heck was that all about?” Amethyst asks while scratching the back of her head.

“Garnet did seem visibly distressed. That is never a good sign.” Pearl remarks.

Steven speaks in Connie’s voice. “This is a private matter between Ruby and Sapphire. They’re going to have to work this one out by themselves.”

In the warp stream Sapphire says, “Ruby, they have a point. We saw the possible futures and in all of them they turned out to be right.”

“Errgh! Sapphire! How can you talk like that?! You’re acting like being separate is going to be such a blast!”

“Ruby...”

“NO! Don’t you ‘Ruby’ me! Why do you always do this to me when I get upset? Why do you try to invalidate how I’m feeling about any particular thing I’m upset about?”

“Ruby, it’s not-”

“No. I get it. I can take a hint.” The fusion known as Garnet destabilizes until they unfuse. Ruby walks off.

“Ruby! Wait!” Ruby just continues to walk off until Sapphire can’t see her anymore.

“I’m sorry. Please come back. Please. Please. I’m so lost without you.” She whispers to herself. She holds her face in her hands.

“RAAH! I’M NEVER FUSING WITH HER EVER AGAIN! Serves me right though, huh?” Ruby kicks a stone as hard as she can.

“YOU WANT TO BE APART FROM ME SO BAD? I CAN OBLIGE!” She says while flailing her arms in the air.

Sapphire stays sitting in the same spot. These emotions hurt with intensity, so she does the only thing she knows to do. She freezes her heart over to numb the pain. With her old stoicism she heads toward the warp pad and heads home.

She whispers to herself, “They will be coming back shortly after attempting to find-”

She sighs. “Garnet.”

It’s bothering her more than anything else ever could, so she makes herself much colder than normal. She floats over to Steven’s couch and sits down. The team warps back into Steven’s home.

“Where on Earth could they have gone off to?” Steven asks with concern.

“Steven.” Sapphire replies to his question.

They all hear her and go into the living room. Steven says, “You look really miserable.”

“I’m not miserable.” She says with an even tone. Ice starts to grow from where she sits.

“Right. That’s why you’re freezing my couch then, because you’re okay?”

She doesn’t respond.

Connie holds her body’s hand. “Steven. They need time like we did.”

He nods at her and then holds his hand out. “If you want to talk to me or any of us for that matter, we’re always here for you.”

She continues to stonewall them.

“Connie. I think we should get back to your home. It’s already 10 in the morning.”

“Yeah. Hey. Since mom already knows about all the things we were hiding about ourselves we can use our own cellphones now.”

“Good idea.” They exchange back for their old phones. Connie checks her phone to see if her mother called or sent a message, but nothing.

“Steven. That’s not good. We need to head home now!”

“Okay!” He yawns. “Where’s Lion?”

Lion gets up from Steven’s bed and stretches. He jumps down from the loft.

“Lion. Take us to Connie’s house.”

He lays down to let them climb on. Then he stands back and roars and they disappear in the portal.

Ronaldo walks toward the front door, he stops across from the coffee table Sapphire is sitting near and looks at her. Then he continues and walks out the door. He whispers to hisself. “This will actually help you two grow closer. I promise.”

The couple arrive at Connie’s home. They thank Lion for taking them home and walk in together holding hands. They knock on the door, but no one answers. When they try to open the door it’s unlocked.

“That’s really weird, my mom never leaves the door unlocked like this.”

When they go inside the lights are turned off. “Mom? MOOM?”

Steven goes into the kitchen and Connie stays in the living room. She sees a lot of the pictures have been taken down. No pictures of dad unless Connie’s also in them. There’s several boxes filled with stuff sitting on the living room floor.

“Connie, love. Can you come here into the kitchen?”

She walks into the kitchen. Steven is holding an opened bottle of rum. He puts it back down on the kitchen table where he found it.

“Unless she’s been hiding that, we’ve never had any alcohol in this place.”

“Then that means she brought this home with her recently?”

Her eyes widen. She shakes Steven's head a little and then says, “Let’s check upstairs. I want to make sure she’s okay.”

The door to her mother’s bedroom is wide open. They can hear her snoring. She’s sleeping on her side on top of messy covers. Everything in her mother’s room is an absolute mess. 

They stand in the doorway of her mother’s bedroom. Connie holds Steven’s head down and she starts to cry a little bit. Steven puts Connie’s arm around his own shoulder. They walk away to Connie’s bedroom and open the door. When they’re inside they walk over to the bed and lay down, it’s a bit cramped, but they want to be close to each other right now. They face each other and Steven uses Connie’s hand to rub through his hair. She continues crying.

They are so tired from lack of sleep that they fall asleep holding each other.


	21. Sunday Evening

Connie wakes up and sees and that her body is still asleep. She gets out of her bed without trying to disturb his rest. She tries not to walk too loud and opens up the door to her room carefully. She goes to see if her mom is still in her bedroom. She’s not in there, so she goes downstairs. First she looks in the living room, and then she finds her sitting in the kitchen.

She’s eating a bag of Chaaaaps.

“Mom.”

“Connie, where were you the entire night yesterday?”

“I was with Steven.”

Priyanka takes a handful of Chaaaaps and stuffs them in her mouth. Then she chases it with a shot of rum.

“Are you at least trying to make ssure you’re doing all of your schoolwork for the weekend?”

Connie looks at her mom for a minute. She’s holding her head down staring at her delicious heart attack in a bag.

“Mom. I’m so sorry. This is all my fault. If I hadn’t-”

“Honey. Please stop. What I’m going through is not your ffault.”

Connie sits down at the table next to her mother for while.

At Steven’s house Amethyst and Pearl teleport in on the warp pad after going on a mission in the morning. “Man, that took way longer than it would have if Garnet was with us!”

Amethyst doesn’t notice that the entire house is frozen and goes to step off the platform. She slips and lands on her butt. “Ow. What the heck is this all about?”

Amethyst touches the floor. It’s frozen over. There’s a layer of ice over everything.

“Ow, yo. Sapphire, could you like cool it on the freezing of everything. I can’t walk on this stuff at all!”

“I foresaw you would slip on the ice.” Sapphire has not moved any since she sat down on Steven’s couch.

“And. You did this anyway knowing I would slip?”

Sapphire doesn’t say anything in response to that. Ruby comes in on the warp pad. She’s really mad and storms off into her room. Her feet are hot enough to melt through the ice on the floor in an instant.

“Greg is going to slip on the ice under the front door.”

Greg is already walking up the stairs. “It’s a Sunday so my son should be somewhere around here with Connie.”

He steps on the ice and slips backward. “AAHH!” 

He lays on his back and then gets hisself up and rubs his lower back. “Ow. That’s going to hurt the next few days.”

When he touches the handle of the door it’s cold. “Whoa Nelly! That thing’s cold!”

He opens the door. It’s like the inside of a freezer. “What the heck! This place is completely frozen!”

“Yeah, sorry Greg dude. Sapphire’s being kinda moody right now.”

“Huh? Did something happen between Ruby and Sapphire again?”

“They split apart after Steven and Connie said something to her. It was after they were taking something. L S something or other.”

“LSD, Amethyst.” Pearl corrects.

“WHAT? MY SON AND CONNIE ARE TAKING LSD?!” He says distraught with his hands to his head. He settles down. “Okay. Well, are they here?”

“Sorry Greg. They’re not here right now. I think they went to Connie’s home this morning.” Pearl answers him.

“Ah. Well. Thanks anyway.” Greg leaves.

At Richard Fryman’s basement Ronaldo is busy at work creating makeshift lab equipment. He also has various household chemicals organized into a cabinet. He takes out the needle with an open end to attach a vial he bought from his dealer. It wasn’t easy to get apparently, especially a sealed one. He told Ronaldo he doesn’t understand why he would want this particular needle, it wasn’t the right kind for injectable drugs. Ronaldo told him he just wanted to draw out his own blood. He looked at him like he had finally gone completely insane, but didn’t question it any further.

He wipes a spot with isopropyl alcohol on the elbow pit of his left arm. He draws out three vials of blood and centrifuges them. He sets a timer on his phone and leaves the machine running for a while. When he returns his blood samples have separated. He carefully separates each part and combines them together. He has plenty of plasma to check, but his blood cells and other things within the blood not so much.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to view the machines themselves. I don’t have a microscope powerful enough to see them and I don’t have the resources to build or purchase one. But.” He picks up the centrifuged vial.

“I may be able to glean _some_ knowledge.”

He writes down a lot of things that he observed about his blood. He even has the idea that he may be able to recreate the technology that changed him to be used on organic lifeforms. He walks out of his home and into the backyard and starts recording.

“Entry number 3.

I have successfully created the beginnings of a lab to work with. All the things I used to think were completely useless down there turned out to be very useful.

After I drew my blood, I had performed a multitude of tests on its separated form. Most of them turned out no useful results, but one or two did and they were worth the hassle. It seems as though the machines are at home in an organic body. I was told that this technology was made by the gem race, but it almost seems as though it was not.

Now, as for the last attempt we made on them switching back, it turned out to be a failure. Bummer. But, I didn’t think it would be that easy, still I need to eliminate the obvious options before I try and find more elaborate ones. At first they were resistant to the idea of being separate. I, unfortunately, had to separate them. It was the only way; they wouldn’t have listened otherwise. So, I observed them while they were apart. Connie was a real go-getter when it came to gathering intel. I must have missed her reading a lot of the information she read, though. I saw her go by very interesting entries without so much as looking at them. She must had already looked at them. I suppose that’s what I get for being distracted by searching for perfection and knowledge about gems. I’ll need to ask her what she found out about the Gem Empire and Homeworld. 

One thing I found out about the gems is that they are most likely nomads. They probably pillage and colonize a galaxy then they move on to the next. If they aren’t, then what can explain the path of devastation behind them?

As for Steven, he wasn’t nearly as informative, but still fascinating to watch. I know he was pissed at me for separating them. He came around eventually, and so did Connie.

The next step in this process is to possibly try to get to the source. That will not be an easy task. A piece of tech will be needed to cross that distance, but it will need to incorporate magic. Related to this, I remember when I was observing Connie and her gathering of information. One of the entries talked about how when gems were in the process of shattering they lost their sense of selves. They had created a piece of technology which would track their identity and to see where it went, but the results baffled them and they refused to accept them. Everytime a gem was shattered their identities just simply went away, but something about those gems was still detectable. When they tried to get the machine to display where they were it would give an undefined error message. One user of the technology reported that she had actually seen absolutely nothing, the seeming absence of anything. She started to talk about strange ideas and taboo actions. Many in Homeworld found her behavior offensive. That gem was soon shattered because of sedition.

Hm. A piece of technology that was meant for tracking and displaying the location of a gem’s identity has on at least three occasions gave the users a direct experience of the source. I hope I can at least see one of these devices in the flesh, if I can’t it then it will easily take me a year to develop. If I had someone to help me, I might would be able to have it ready sooner.

This will challenge me a lot more than I’m used to. But, I have to help. All that time alone in the dreamtime showed me the importance of that.

Ah. And. I tried to make the strawberry milkshake this evening. Cough syrup is definitely not a good source of strawberry flavoring.

End of entry.”


	22. Greg’s Concern

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cc_KSe6FUoU  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWmFI4S-sQw

Steven and Connie are laying in her bed, skin touching skin, holding each other. She is still pretty upset, but feeling close to Steven is helping her a lot. Steven’s gem starts to glow, and they fuse.

“Connie. I don’t think we should use this to try to escape from feeling bad.”

“I know. I know. I just want some rest.”

They lose themselves. They let go of themselves, but hold on to each other. Their separate identities fade away into the aether. Stevonnie takes their place like two drops of water becoming one.

She gets up and puts on a combination of Steven and Connie’s clothes on. “Thank goodness you guys have clothes that fit me better now. Man, they grew up a lot, I hadn’t really noticed until now, though.”

She plops back onto Connie’s bed. “What do I do now?”

She rubs the stubble on her chin for a moment. “Ah. I should probably do some studying. Don’t want Connie to get behind, but wait will they remember?”

She shrugs and gets Connie’s tablet out of her backpack. “Hopefully they do.”

It’s been two hours since nightfall and Stevonnie is still studying. They hear the doorbell ring, someone is at the front door downstairs. She turns off the tablet and walks down to the living room. When she opens the door she finds Greg standing the doorway. She feels Steven’s emotions at that moment. “Dad!” Stevonnie gives Greg a bear hug, but it feels normal to her. “Hey! Ease up a little, you’re gonna smoosh the life outta me!”

She lets loose. With Steven already being so strong and fusions being even stronger than the sum of their parts she doesn’t realize just how much physical strength she possesses. “Hehe. Sorry.”

Greg takes a moment to breathe again. After he recovers he starts to talk again. “So, you two are fused right now?”

She nods. Then she motions him to come in.

“Oh. Well, can I talk to Steven? I want to see if there’s anything going on in his life he should talk about.” He says while walking in.

They step inside and she closes the door.

“Uhm. Alone or through me?” She has her arms crossed with a little concern on her face.

“Well I would prefer to talk to my son alone for a little bit.”

“Give me a moment.” She goes into her own mind. “Hey! Steven. Connie. Please come out.”

She feels their presences starting to reform. Both of them come back.

“What’s going on?”

“Do you need something from us?”

“Yes. Dad wants to talk to Steven alone, please.” Stevonnie says.

“Alright.”

Stevonnie’s body starts to destabilize and they unfuse.

Connie moves away from them by using Steven’s body.

“Hey. Where are you going?”

“I already told him that we’re switched right now.”

“Oh.”

When they hear the door to Connie’s room close, Steven says, “So, dad, did you want to tell me something?”

Greg sighs a little bit. “Is everything going alright in your life, little man? Is there anything you want to talk about?”

“Huh? Yeah, w-why?”

“Well, I heard from the Crystal Gems today that you and Connie took LSD together. Is that true?”

“Oh. Yeah. But, we weren’t doing it for fun. See, Garnet told Connie that Ronaldo could help us change back and so we’ve been doing what he tells us to do. We’ve been going back to a place called the ‘dreamtime’ and apparently you need to take that stuff in order to reach it. The wand that helped take me there broke after we all came back. Strangest thing about when I used the wand is, right before I entered the dreamtime it took me to a weird place where… I can’t even describe it. It’s like it’s nothing, but it’s also something and everything.”

“Boy. That’s. That’s a lot to take in, but I trust you when you say these things. I think you trust your old man enough to tell me the truth.” He pauses thoughfully.

“You know, back before I met your mother I took mushrooms on a weekly basis. At some point I just stopped using them. It wasn’t for any particular reason. I just stopped. When I found out you took LSD I just wanted to make sure you weren’t using it for the wrong reasons, that stuff can be dangerous if it’s misused.”

Then Steven has an idea and says, “Hey dad, can you wait here for a moment?”

“Sure Schtu-ball.”

Steven runs upstairs. He opens the door to Connie’s room and sees her reading on the tablet. There’s that weird feeling of looking at a mirror, but it isn’t him, again.

“Hey, Connie?”

“Yeah?”

“You know, I think if we talked to my dad about what your mother’s going through it might give us a better perspective.”

“I dunno Steven. I’m not sure I’m comfortable talking about that in front of him.”

“We can do it together!” He holds out her hand.

“Hm. Well…” She turns off her tablet and puts on the bed. She climbs off her bed and holds the hand being offered to her.

“I trust you more than anyone in the world. So, if you think we should… then lets do it.” They fuse once more, but this time they merely go to sleep. They choose to stay in their ego vehicles. Stevonnie walks back downstairs and sees Greg sitting on the couch.

“You guys moving or something? I’ve been looking at these boxes in the living room, and I think a few pictures are missing since the last time I was here.”

“Yeah, dad, I actually want to talk to you about that.”


	23. Trust in Life

Stevonnie sits down next to Greg and takes a breath.

“Okay. So, my parents, Connie’s parents, are getting divorced.”

“What? Huh? Since when?”

“Since Doug-dad left Saturday morning.” They pull out from their pocket a paper that was smooshed into a ball and then opened back up.

“I actually found this note crumpled up in the garbage.” They lay it down on the couch next to them.

“She is having a really tough time of it. Because of that she’s been drinking heavily for the past two days.” They bring one foot up on the couch and hug their knee.

“Aw. I’m awfully sorry to hear about that, Connie.”

“I’m worried about her, dad. I’m worried this is going to become a common occurrence from now on. What if she keeps doing this until it ruins more of her life?” They put their head to their knee and they quietly cry.

Greg puts his hand on their left shoulder. “I know how that feels. I had a first cousin, he was my best friend. Something happened to him and he turned to alcohol. He stayed drunk all the time. It was painful to see him spiral down, but there was nothing I could do. Back then I didn’t appreciate that as much and I tried to get him out of it, but nothing I said could convince him. He kept saying he knew. He said he would stop eventually, but he never did, he just kept putting it off. I found out one day that he had killed himself in a car crash while driving drunk. It was the worst feeling I ever had at that point. Now I’m not saying this to make you think that any of that will happen with your mother, but to say that I learned an important lesson from what I went through. I learned that sometimes some things are out of your control and that other people are definitely not in your control.

But. I know you’re going to be alright, because you have a choice. Your life is how you choose to live it, and if you choose to live well then you will. Whatever happens to you, you have the choice to respond in whatever way you want. This realization was what made me leave my old life behind, change my last name, and try to become a rock star. Everything turned out alright in the end even if things seemed bad back then. So keep moving forward; things will turn out fine.”

They turn their head to face Greg. Their face is stained with tears, eyes are red, and their skin around the eyes is red. They smile a little bit through their tears. “Thanks, dad.”

Stevonnie gets up. Then Greg does. “I think it’s time for me to be heading back to my car wash.”

“Yeah.” Stevonnie hugs him. “I love you dad.”

They go back upstairs. The whole time that Steven and Connie were sleeping they were still communicating with each other. There is no filter between them, they hold no secrets from each other. Anything one knows they tell the other with complete trust. It just comes naturally and effortlessly now. They could hold things back, but they simply choose not to.

“I’m lucky to have all three of you in my life, you know?” Stevonnie says while opening the door to Priyanka’s room. She’s laying there again unconscious, her hair spread all across her pillow. The room has gotten messier, but only in a marginal amount. Stevonnie closes the door back shut.

“I should be getting to bed.” They mutter.

When they get to Connie’s bed they flop on the bed. It doesn’t take long for sleep to take hold. Half way into Stevonnie’s sleep they unfuse, but Steven and Connie couldn’t tell that anything had happened while they were asleep. To them at that point they were still there in Stevonnie, and they hadn’t noticed they unfused physically. When 5:00 A.M. rolls around Connie’s body wakes up. When Steven’s mind was awoken by this, he was a little more than startled by this. From his perspective one moment he was still in a fusion and the next he’s unfused from Connie and waking up 5 in the morning! This sudden change also woke Connie up. It was like she woke up from a really bad nightmare. She looked side to side, then she sees Steven sitting up in her bed.

“How are we unfused? We didn’t come apart before Stevonnie fell asleep.” Connie asked confused and anxious.

“I-I don’t know! I could still hear all your thoughts! I remember one thought you had during the night where you were wondering whether you should call or text your dad soon! Then what you were going to have for breakfast.”

“Yeah I remember thinking that! Then in the next moment you were wondering when we were going to switch back. And then you thought about Cookie Cats next.”

“Yeah and in that order too. I do miss Cookie Cats. They were so tasty.” Steven shakes Connie’s head to get hisself back on track. “Uhm. Anyways. This is really weird. I would say that we should ask Garnet, but she’s still probably split apart and wouldn’t know anything about this anyway because she doesn’t really sleep.”

“Hm. I guess we’re on our own this time.” Connie says with Steven’s arms folded.

Steven looks down at the covers. “Oh hey. I just had an idea!”

“What is it?”

“Let’s make pancakes together!”

“Hehehehe. Okay, Steven, but they’re not going to like the ones you’re used to.”

Steven jumps out of bed. He points in a dramatic fashion. “LET’S GO MAKE SOME PANCAKES!!”

Connie giggles and gets out of bed. When they reach the kitchen Steven has no idea where anything is.

“Uh. So where’s the mix?”

Connie goes straight to the place where it’s stored and takes it out and shows it to Steven.

“Buck. Wheat?” He looks at the box with confusion.

“I actually enjoy them quite a bit, but if you’re not used to them it can be quite surprising.” She says with a toothy smile.

Steven starts to pour the dry mixture into a bowl. Connie gets some eggs from the refrigerator and some water from the sink. Steven cracks the eggs and puts the water into the bowl and mixes them together with a whisk, but not too much.

Steven grabs a skillet hanging over the stove. He puts a little bit of oil in the skillet and pours out some of the batter. Connie stands right next to him and kisses him on the cheek. He makes a stack of pancakes.

“Voila! Breakfast is served.” Steven snaps Connie’s fingers.

Steven gets hisself 3 pancakes and Connie starts to snicker uncontrollably. They sit down next to each other. Steven pours maple syrup all over his stack of pancakes. She tries to control her laughter and puts Steven’s hand to his mouth. When Steven finally takes a bite of the pancakes the surprise definitely hit him.

“HU! Uh.” He makes some muffled sounds with him eating the pancakes. Then he tries to swallow it and is able to with great effort. She can’t hold it any longer she bursts out laughing with Steven’s hand to his forehead. Tears are rolling down Steven’s eyes with her laughing.

“Uh. Wow. That, really was. Something else.”

Connie smooches him on the cheek. Then she hugs him. “I love you, honey.”

She brushes her hair with Steven’s hand. “You don’t have to eat the rest of that if you don’t want to.”

“N-no! I’m gonna get through this!”

Connie holds her own hand. She gives him a wide smile. “And I’ll be there with you.”

She lays Steven’s head on her shoulder.

To Connie’s surprise Steven manages to eat all of the pancakes on his plate. She eats the pancakes on her plate next. They’re cold, but watching Steven eat those pancakes was worth it. She checks the time on her phone 5:52 A.M.

“Lets take a shower.”

“Together?”

“Yeah.”

“Sure. Why not. No distractions though, you don’t have a lot of time before you have to leave.”

“I promise I won’t be a distraction.” Steven flirts.

“Pffft. Come on Steven, give me a chance to breathe already.” She barely says through laughter.

They hear Priyanka coming down the stairs. When she reaches the bottom of the stairs she says, “Connie, I’ll be right back.”

“Uh. Where are you going?”

She gives a curt response. “The liquor store.”

They hear Priyanka’s car drive away. Connie feels disheartened and sighs a little bit. Steven puts her arm around his body. She hugs him and buries Steven’s face in her neck.


	24. Stonewall Sapphire and Ruby’s Rant

The essence of what fusion is requires a metaphor. Think of a large tablecloth and then wrinkle and fold it in various spots and tie them off with rubber bands. Each one of those folded areas now represent not only gems, but of all distinct things. When fusion occurs it’s simply taking multiple folds and making an even bigger fold. Yet this action is an attempt to go back to their original state of oneness, to never be alone, but they were all one to begin with, so fusion doesn’t do what it’s intended to do. It simply creates a new ‘separation’. They so badly want to live, to drink, to understand, but that isn’t what happens at least in an absolute sense. Ruby and Sapphire believe they feel like they were never alone in Garnet, but do they feel that way ‘separate’ from each other? The obvious answer is no, and that’s exactly what they need to learn, otherwise their dysfunction will continue.

At Steven’s house huge icicles have grown from the ceiling and nearly strike Ruby on the head. Ruby walks by Sapphire. 

“Sapphire, how long are you just going to sit there like that?”

Sapphire doesn’t answer.

“Oh I see how it is. Too high and mighty to talk to me. Think you’re above everything just cause you can see the future.” She opens the door and slams it behind her.

“Nice. I try to talk to you and what happens? I get stonewalled! Why won’t she answer one simple fucking question! I swear to god! You know this isn’t the first time she’s...” Sapphire turns her head toward the window as she hears Ruby’s complaining getting quieter as Ruby walks down the stairs. She frowns and a tear comes down from behind her hair.

As Ruby is walking down through the beach Ronaldo notices her loud ranting. He’s sitting near where the waves are coming in, but just far enough away not to get wet. He turns around.

“Hey! Hey you! You over there!” Ruby doesn’t notice him.

“RUBY!” She still doesn't notice him.

Ronaldo walks up to Ruby and shakes her. “RUBY!”

“AHHH!” She punches him with a gauntlet and it knocks him back 2 feet.

“OOF.”

“What are you doing! You don’t just come up someone and shake them!”

“You were ignoring me.” He holds hisself in pain.

“Yeah? Well, maybe I don’t want to talk.”

“I know you’re coming from. I didn’t want to talk to anyone either, and I don’t expect you to say anything.”

She softens her eyes a little and then looks away and crosses her arms. “Look, Ronaldo. There’s nothing you can do about any of what I’m going through.”

“I understand that too.”

She turns back to face him and then lets out a quick breath. “What do you want from me?”

“Absolutely nothing.”

Back in Steven’s house Peridot warps in on the warp pad. The warp pad has actually frozen over a little bit, too, making it slippery. Peridot sees a lot of sharp icicles on the ceiling. “What in star’s name is happening in here? Is Steven’s freezer malfunctioning or something?”

She tries to step forward, but she slips and slides a long ways. Thankfully, Ruby’s path hasn’t quite frozen over so she can walk on that.

She stops at where Sapphire is. “Um. Who are you? I think I’d remember a gem like you being a part of the Crystal Gems.”

“My name is Sapphire. We’ve only met once before and you were mostly trying to hide so you probably weren’t paying attention.”

Peridot ponders who this might would be, but then the conclusion is almost unbelievable to Peridot. “Wait! I remember you now! You must be one of the gems that fuse to make Garnet, correct?”

“Yes. That is correct.”

“What are you two split apart for? I haven’t seen you two split apart since that time with the baseball game.”

“Every so often something happens that we just cannot agree upon. Eventually it blows over, but each time it happens, it happens for longer and less time passes between each successive splitting.”

Peridot crosses her arms. “Okay. And why do you think that is?”

Sapphire stays quiet for a minute, but then says, “It’s because we refuse to communicate.”

“Uh? So. Why not just talk to her?”

“I don’t feel comfortable doing so when Ruby gets like this. And. Ruby doesn’t really talk very well when she’s angry so it’s pointless for me to even try.”

“Sapphire never understands when I get like this. The way she sees the world is so different from mine, and that’s not a bad thing in of itself, but I get hurt by her callousness.”

Ronaldo nods.

“I wish Ruby wouldn’t get so mad.”

“I wish Sapphire would actually listen to me and try to understand where I’m coming from.”

“Sapphire, I think you need to get out of here. It’s not good for you keep yourself pinned in like this brooding.” Peridot says in response.

Sapphire doesn’t say anything, but she does hold her head down. Peridot has an idea. She attempts to use her newfound power of moving non-metallic objects on Sapphire. It works, but it takes a lot of effort on Peridot’s part.

“URRRGGHH! Geez! Come on lazy bones, you and me are going on an adventure!”

Sapphire doesn’t resist Peridot moving her, she stays passive. Peridot is careful when she tries to step on the platform and she successfully gets on without falling again.

“Where are we going, Peridot?”

“Hm. Actually, I don’t know any locations are, except the barn, where the sea spire used to be, and the abandoned kindergartens.” Then something calls out to her. She now knows the location of a certain place that she’s never seen before. “I know!”

They disappear in a pillar of light.


	25. Ruby and Sapphire’s Delusion

Steven opens the front door of Connie’s home to leave. Connie is right behind Steven. He turns around they kiss each other on the mouth.

“I’ll see you later, boo.” Steven said.

“Mhm. Have fun at my school today, hon.” Connie winks.

“Eh heh heh. Yeeah.”

Steven walks toward the bus stop. Connie closes the door after he turns the corner.

“Well. Here I am. Alone, with my mother. I hate to see her so depressed.” She sits down and lays Steven’s head on his hand. She stares across the living room for a little while.

“I wonder how Steven will feel today at school? This’ll be his second day there. I wish I could see how he reacts in real time.”

Something strange starts happening to Connie’s vision. She starts seeing two images superimposed on top of each other. One of her living room and one of her in a bus.

“Whoa! I think I’m seeing double. Or… no. This must be. I did it. I did it! I can see through his eyes, or rather my own. I wonder if I can switch between the two.”

She moves her focus to Steven’s vision and the living room fades away. Then she focuses on her vision and her living room comes back.

At the beach Ruby is uncharacteristically calm. It really helps when someone just listens and doesn’t really say anything except ask for clarification. Ronaldo kept his thoughts about what she was saying to hisself and was a just listening ear.

“I’ve got an idea for you. Why don’t you go to Funland with Amethyst?”

“I dunno.”

“You’ve got to learn to be happy without her, Ruby.”

“I don’t want to be happy without her!”

“Come again?”

“I said I don’t want to be-”

“Happy.” He interrupts.

“WITHOUT her!”

“And if anything happened to her? Would she want you to stay unhappy forever without her?”

“Huh?! I’M NEVER GOING TO LET THAT HAPPEN!”

“What if something happened to you? Would you want her to stay unhappy forever without you?”

“!” Then she slouches her head a little. “N-no.”

Ronaldo crosses his arms.

“B-but! T-that’s not!”

“Yes, it is the same.”

“...”

“Come with me and we’ll go find Amethyst. Do you know where she usually is?”

“Uh well. Her favorite activity is anything that involves garbage or eating, or eating garbage. So… probably in her room.”

After finding Amethyst they all go around Funland. They ride the various rides, but Ruby can't get on some of the more exciting rides because she is too short and Harold will not make any exceptions. Ruby never learned to shape shift on her own so trying to do so is impossible at the moment. Ronaldo keeps observing Ruby and finds that she is sulking the whole time. She is not good at keeping her emotions in check at all, so they still bubble up and eventually after enough ‘pressure’ builds, it ‘blows’. She stops and since Ronaldo and Amethyst have been following behind her they stop as well.

“I don’t feel comfortable by myself or just being myself! I need Sapphire to complete me!” Ruby shouted while acting like someone who’s withdrawing off of opiates.

“NO! See, that’s where you’re wrong! You’re whole just as you are!” Ronaldo proclaims while pointing at Ruby.

Ruby gets frustrated and runs off. Amethyst tries to run after her, but Ronaldo holds his arm in front of her and shakes his head. Ronaldo ponders this situation for a moment before he realizes that Ruby is getting desperate to be with Sapphire, and if Sapphire's desperate too then Garnet will reform, but he’s not going to interfere because they didn’t ask for his help on anything. In fact, he’s starting to think that maybe it wasn’t really in his place to separate Steven and Connie back in the dreamtime, but at least they asked for help on getting back to their original bodies. He had already said he didn’t want to be the one to teach that lesson in the first place, but them behaving that way was going to make it impossible for them to switch back. There was no other solution; it had to be done and quickly.

Peridot and Sapphire arrive at Rose’s fountain.

“Why did you choose this place?”

“I- I don’t know. It just called out to me.”

They both walk up to where the healing waters are.

“This is a nice place, though, isn’t it?” Peridot says.

“Yes.”

They sit on the fountain’s plinth.

“Amethyst once cracked her gem and it got progressively worse. We brought her here because Steven hadn’t realized his healing powers yet. When we first arrived here the place had been overrun with thorns.”

Peridot turns around and scoops up a handful of water. Sapphire watches with interest as Peridot stares into the water held in her hands. She drinks the water and starts to glow. She grows as tall as she would be if she still had her limb enhancers and then shrinks back down to her original size. Sapphire could not see this in her future vision. This was the second time her future vision had been defied and one could tell by the amazement on her face, or at least her mouth.

“How do you feel?”

Peridot puts her hand to her gem. “Funny. I feel better, strangely. I never knew that I felt any pain at all. But apparently it’s been here all along.”

She pulls a crossbow from her gem. “Whoa! Since when can I?”

“That water just healed you.”

“Healed me? But I wasn’t hurt by anything.”

She aims her crossbow and then fires. It shoots out a glowing green projectile, but the recoil is too much for her to handle and it knocks her back into the water. She swims back up to the surface and spits the water out.

“Thank you, Peridot.”

“Uh? For what?”

“Taking me here. Witnessing this was just what I needed to get me out of my stupor.” Sapphire looks away, however. “But I still miss Ruby. I feel like I’m lacking something.”


	26. The Uncertainty of New Territory

Connie takes out her phone and wonders why her dad hasn’t contacted her at all. What could be the reason? In any case she types out a message.

Me: _Hey. Are you alright? Mom’s been taking this really hard, but I wanted to make sure you were okay too. Maybe you’re going through a hard time too, but in a different way? I know you didn’t mean for me to, but I read the note you left for mom. Anyway, I love you, dad_  
**Sent 8:12 A.M.**

A few hours later Doug sees the text his daughter sent him. The stress within him bubbles up again; he’s been trying to avoid these uncomfortable feelings for a while. Sleep has not been coming so easily for him and almost everything wakes him up, this change is not an easy one. Given how he saw how she was acting the night before he left her he can imagine how she’s reacting to this now. He doesn’t want to put another burden on his daughter, but at the same time he knows he cannot prevent his daughter from feeling this or that ‘negative’ feeling. That realization, the one that he was never really in control of situations when he thought he was, is not an easy thing to deal with. There’s a subtle acknowledgement that the only thing he is truly in control of is what he chooses to do.

Me: _I’m sorry I haven’t gotten in touch earlier. I knew your mother was going to be likely to seek you out and I didn’t want to cause any more trouble than necessary. On top of that, I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to face you or if you’d even want to talk to your old man._  
**Seen 10:23 A.M.**

Me: _Don’t worry about me, I’ll be alright. I promise._  
**Seen 10:23 A.M.**

Some time, Ruby comes into Steven’s house to find Sapphire sitting, but this time it’s over close to the kitchen. The house had time to melt away a good amount of the ice that Sapphire had created, but there was a small amount of new ice around Sapphire. It wasn’t as large an area, but it was still there.

“Hey. Sapphy?”

She turns her head up and brushes her hair out of the way of her eye. “Yeah?”

“I miss you. I feel so miserable without you, without being us.”

“I do too.”

Ruby starts to walk up to Sapphire, but she puts her hand up to stop her. “But. Right now, we need to be apart.”

“Wh-what?! Why! Why don’t? Don’t you? Don’t you- love me, anymore?”

Sapphire sees the horrified look on her face and she tries to be gentle, as gentle as gem like herself can be. She knows she needs to drink deeply from the source. “Ruby… It’s not like that. I still love you. But there’s something that’s troubling me right now and I know the only way I can get the answer, is to be alone.”

“But. But.”

Sapphire floats up and goes in front of Ruby. She takes Ruby’s right hand and gives her a hand hug. “We’re still together. We’re still us, even when we’re apart.”

“It doesn’t feel like it.”

Sapphire kisses Ruby, then she pulls away. She looks into Ruby’s eyes. “I won’t ever forsake you. I promise.”

Ruby takes a step back and then runs back out of the house without saying anything. Sapphire puts her hair back in front of her eye and simply stands there not sure what to do next.

Connie checks the time on her phone. 12:07 A.M. Sustaining her focus on what Steven is experiencing is very tiring, but she knows she needs to do this in order to keep up with her studies. One thing that is frustrating her is, that because Steven hardly understands the material being presented, the information that gets taken into his mind is slim and doesn’t have much context around it. What she is experiencing is not the raw sensory data of what is going on at the physical location of where he’s at, but his subjective experience of it. So that means she’s only able to hear what Steven ‘hears’ or see what he ‘sees’. She does feel his pain of being completely lost, even if that’s not how she would react to the situation at all. It’s nice, in a way, to be able to empathize with someone, especially Steven.

Every time Steven leaves her class and goes to the next one she goes to check on her mother. This time when she looks in the door she sees her mother sitting up in the bed with her hand to her head and bent over. The light is off and she’s crying. Connie walks over and sits next to her and doesn’t say anything. She would give her a hug, but since she’s in Steven’s body right now she feels like that would be weird.

The emotions that run through Priyanka’s heart are intense and chaotic. Though there are sometimes where it just feels like everything goes numb, like burning your hand so much until the pain stops. It overwhelms the mind and floods it with suffering until suffering has lost its meaning. This is the very first stage of her transformation and though the pain is great she will be reborn. The lightning struck the artifice which she held unto and torn it asunder.

“Mom.”

She doesn’t answer for a little bit, but she breaks her own silence. “Yes?”

“I love you.”

Priyanka would usually react positively to this, but there is nothing, just the feeling of emptiness. Just a deep, dark, endless abyss where no light or joy can be found. Though, buried somewhere deep inside, there is a small spark of happiness, but it’s drowned out by the resistance to change. “I love you too. You’re my baby girl.”

“Mo-om!” Priyanka hugs her daughter. Even though Connie is in Steven’s body Priyanka can see through it for just a moment. There is no change in her emotional state however, her resistance to change makes that impossible and it makes it harder on herself. The darkness continued to hold her down and that darkness was her own actions and refusal to accept reality as it is. The only thing that even slightly helps, the love for her daughter, is drowned out by this. Her sadness now begins to transmute into anger, but that’s only an internal change at the moment.


	27. A New Power

When Steven comes through the front door Connie is sitting on the couch in the living room.

“Oh hey, honey. I would ask how you’re day was, but I already know.” Connie winks.

Steven looks at her confused for a moment, but then it clicks and he gasps. “You figured it out?”

Connie gives him a great big smile and nods. Steven is happy and then he realizes that she’s been feeling everything he’s been feeling.

“Yes. I noticed that too.” Connie tilts Steven’s head smiling with one eyebrow raised. Thank goodness that he doesn’t have to try to hide anything like he normally does. 

She gets up off the couch and they hold hold each other’s hands. She tugs at him a little bit and leads him upstairs.

When all is said and done they lay under the covers looking each other in the eyes. Although there is so much peace and love going on between them there is still unhappiness lingering over their heads, but mostly over Connie’s metaphorical head.

“I felt it again.” Steven says.

“Hm?”

“If only for a moment, I lost ‘myself’ completely to existence. It’s like experiencing infinity.”

“That happened to me too. Same as what happened right before our bodies got switched.”

“I wonder if Stevonnie can also do the same?”

“Hm. Well, if we stayed fused together long enough we might be able to see.”

“What? Thousands of years wasn’t enough time?” They both laugh. Then Steven continues. “But if we’re fused, we won’t be able to see it directly. It’ll only be like a memory to us.”

“It wouldn’t be any different than how we live now. It would just be that we would experience it as someone else, together.”

“That reminds me. We unfused during the night. I wonder if it’d be possible to get to that state we were at during the night?”

“You mean like being in a state of fusion without being... fused?”

“Yeah. Let’s try it!”

“Okay.”

They focus on the state that they were in during sleep. After a while their sense of self seems to fade away. Stevonnie awakens from their sleep.

“Did it work?” Both of their voices say at once.

It worked. Stevonnie is now in control of both of their bodies at the same time. They can see their self in Steven and Connie’s bodies.

“Whoa. This is.” Connie’s voice says.

“Incredibly weird.” Steven’s voice continues.

“I’m in two places at once!” Both of their voices say at the same time. “Hm. Time to let these guys take back over.”

Steven and Connie come back to.

“That was amazing.”

“I know right!”

“But we didn’t change back.”

“No, I guess not.”

“Hm. So now Stevonnie can be self-aware in two physical locations at once?”

“Seems like it, Connie.”

“That could be useful. Hey! We could do that when you go to school as me.”

“You’re right! And. That would certainly help me feel a lot less lost when I’m there.”

Connie giggles a little at that. “So it’s decided then? Tomorrow, before you go to my school we do that?”

“Sounds like a plan!”

“Hey.”

“Yeah?”

“Let’s fuse, Steven.”

Steven nods and they’re engulfed in pink light. Stevonnie looks at her hands. “You guys are amazing. Have I told you that before?”

She looks up at the ceiling and starts wondering about what Steven had wondered about her earlier. Could she do the same thing as they did earlier? Would it be possible to become one? She’s not even sure what that means, let alone being able to do it. At the same time she knows exactly what it means, because her component parts did so. When Stevonnie is in this state where her ego is the only one present it’s only a strange inkling of what she already knows, it’s just there’s a lot of cobwebs in the way. Many delusions cloud the truth about reality.

Stevonnie lifts herself out of bed and gets dressed. “Oh my goodness, I just realized something! We’re going to have to get more of Steven’s clothes if he’s- er I mean if Connie’s uh- oh god I’m so confused. Well whatever, the point is we need more of Steven’s clothes!”

She goes out of Connie’s room. “Hm. I think I’m going to try to find dad. But where could he be? He didn’t tell me where he’s staying at. Oh wait a moment.”

Stevonnie puts her fingers on the temples of her forehead and tries to divine what Doug is feeling and experiencing at the moment. She sees a vision of a shelf. There’s many different snacks: Chaaaaps, candy, cookies, little snack cakes, etc. The vision moves around to reveal more of the location, by the looks of it, it must be a convenience store or a gas station. When they see the vision look up at the cigarettes behind the counter they feel a sense of longing, like they need it just to get through the day. Doug still makes the choice not to smoke. Good on him! Still, he decides to get junk food anyways. Not so great, still just as harmful.

“That really doesn’t tell me much about where he’s at. This could be anywhere.”

He pays for the snacks and then leaves the store and heads for his car.

“Wait! I know where that is! But! Shoot! How am I supposed to reach him? Lion didn’t stay. Guess I could call Greg-dad and have him take me to Doug-dad.”

She whips out Steven’s phone and dials her dad’s number. After a few times of ringing Greg picks up.

“Oh hey there. What’s going on- Uh er. Uh. Connie?”

“Actually, this is Stevonnie. Listen, dad, can you pick me up from Connie’s house?”

“Uh sure. But isn’t Lion there?”

“I haven’t seen him anywhere around here and I have no way of calling for him, unlike you.”

“Okay. Where do you want to go?”

“Actually, it’s on the corner of Willow Drive and John Avenue.”

“What on Earth do you want to go all the way over there for?”

“I think that’s where Doug-dad is, Greg-dad.”

“You aren’t sure?”

“No, not 100%. Do you mind?”

“No no! Of course not.”

“Great! Love you, dad.”

“Heh. Yeah, you too, kiddo.”


	28. Visiting Doug-dad

“In 300 feet take a right turn onto Cottage Path Lane. In 2 miles the destination will be on your right.”

Stevonnie looks out through the window. She’s deep in contemplation, trying to figure out what would be best next move. When they had arrived at the gas station he was already long gone, but they were lucky enough to see which street his apartment was on.

“Hey. I’ve never gotten to really talk to you before. I mean you specifically, Stevonnie.” Greg says.

“Huh? Oh. Yeah I guess not. What do you want to talk about?”

“Well. I mean. How are you doing?”

“Not the greatest, but at the same time I’m having the time of my life. Mom’s been really sad ever since Doug-dad left. At the same time, I’m so happy that Steven and Connie have each other. It’s such a beautiful thing to behold.” Stevonnie wipes away the tears forming in her eyes. Then she continues. “Did I tell you how long it seems like I’ve existed?”

“No?”

“When Steven and Connie were in the dreamtime they fused into me. It was very different from any other of their experiences as me, this time they lost themselves completely, and they did so for a very, very, long time. I lost track of how long it was after... about 300 years? Or was it 550? It's fuzzy because I had forgotten I was fusion in the first place so of course I wasn't going to continue counting. Even after I regained my memory it had been too long since I had last counted so I didn't even try. I can say it was for thousands of years, I think.”

“Holy cow! You were fused for that long?”

“I can’t tell you how exactly how long, but I can tell you with certainty it was an enormous timespan.”

“Wow. So does that mean you’ve existed longer than Garnet has now?”

“Only from my perspective. From her perspective she’s existed longer than I have. After all, time here progresses completely separate from the dreamtime. Only a few hours had passed even though it seemed like eternity to me.”

“Wow.”

“In 500 feet your destination will be on your right.”

Stevonnie starts to feel her component parts separating.

“Steven and Connie are going to unfuse. See you later, dad.” They say before they disappear.

“Your destination is on your right.”

They look to their right and see a four story apartment building. Its stairway is open in the middle and a parking lot is in front and behind it. 

“He’s at this apartment?” He turns into the parking lot and backs into a parking spot that’s right in front.

“Yep.” Connie says in Steven’s voice. Then she looks to Steven. “I think we should walk up there together, Steven. That might make it a little easier on him, though probably not by much if it does at all.”

“Sure.”

They open the door and start heading toward the apartment. “I’ll stay here and wait for you guys.”

“He’s in apartment #210.”

“Right.”

They knock on his door, but no one answers. Connie sends her dad a text.

Inside of the apartment Doug is staring out of his window while sitting on his bed, it’s facing the opposite direction of where they came in at. Very dark thoughts cloud his mind, it’s hard for him to move forward. He never wanted his relationship to end in this way, but no matter how many times he tried she would always push him away or be very spiteful to him if he tried. He still can’t figure out that it wasn’t his place to try to change his wife. Just like Priyanka, he had a hard time accepting that there were things that were completely out of his control. His intentions weren’t necessarily selfless either, but he was able to convince hisself they were. He feels like a complete failure. He thinks to hisself he failed in keeping the family together; he failed his daughter. Everything is tearing him up inside. 

Then to make it everything worse, he feels all alone. He knows he could go see his daughter, but he doesn’t want to burden her with all these terrible feelings. He could call one of his sisters or brother who lives far away and sure he calls them and they do the same, but the last thing he wants to do is to call and talk about the problems he’s having. What if they think less of him? What if they stop talking to him as much to avoid hearing about anything unhappy again? Is life-? Before he can complete his thought he hears his cellphone ring. It’s Connie. He doesn’t answer, but then he notices she sent him a text.

Connie: _Hey! I’m at the front door, let me in!_

He gets up and goes to the front door of the apartment. When he opens the door he sees ‘Steven’ with ‘Connie’.

“I’m not even going to ask how you managed to find me.” Then he thinks for a bit and continues. “Well, come on in. Make yourselves at home.”

They both walk over to the couch and sit very close to each other. Doug looks at that with disapproval so they sit a little further apart. He walks over to the kitchen which is attached to the living room. “I’m going to make some tea. Do you two want any?”

“Yeah! I’ll have white tea if you have it.”

“I want some too! Anything with cherry flavor in it!”

Doug looks around to find any cherry flavored tea, but fails to find any. “Sorry. I don’t have any like that. Do you want Jasmine tea instead?”

“Which one is that again, Connie?”

“Oh, that’s green tea with jasmine blossoms.”

“Huh, flowers. That’s sorta like fruit, I guess.” Then he speaks to Doug. “Sure! Sounds good.”

He comes in after a few minutes with three steaming cups which he sits down on the coffee table in front of the couch. They all sit there for a moment without saying a word. Connie breaks the silence.

“Good job on not turning to cigarettes at the gas station!”

Doug is a little startled when he hears ‘Steven’ say this. After a little bit of processing he has a slight recollection of what happened to them. “So what that woman said was true? You two are switched? I find that hard to believe, but at the moment I’m finding a lot of things hard to believe. And I don’t even know how you managed to find me or know where I’ve been today.”

“Dad. As soon as we could feel what you were feeling that strengthened our resolve to reach you. When you walked into this apartment we could feel your despair, we cried your tears.”

Doug leans forward and grabs his cup of tea. While still leaning forward he looks into his cup and starts to shake a bit. He takes a sip and puts the cup back down. “I’m sorry you had to experience that.”

“DAD! Don’t apologize!”

Doug flinches. Connie continues. “Everyone needs help at least some of the time, even the strongest of us.”

She clings onto Doug tightly. He freezes. With all of this sadness and disappointment cutting through him, it also cuts through all of his preconceived notions. He just knows that the person hugging him is not Steven, but his beloved daughter, Connie. He hangs his head and speaks softly. “I’m so sorry I failed you.”

“Daddy, you didn’t fail me. You’ve never failed me! You’re the greatest dad in the entire world!”

“...!”

He goes silent and doesn't make a sound, but tears do roll down his face.


	29. Self Reflection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0viEVUMU0L4

Ronaldo decides the best place for him to clear his mind is a place that is very far away from anything. Sapphire decided to help take him to an isolated place using the warp pad. She wants to be by herself as well and with her future vision she can see when Ronaldo will come back, or at least that’s what she thinks. It’s not definitely true, but it’s probably true. When they had gotten to the location they went in opposite directions deep within the untouched nature. He tied pieces of fabric to limbs of trees so that he can find his way back.

When Ronaldo looks at this nature and all of these natural things two distinct conflicting emotions arise. One is of tranquility, of seeing how beautiful nature is in its untouched state. The other is of disgust and discomfort of seeing the flaws and how unordered and imperfect everything is. Part of him wants to leave things as they are and part of him wants to decimate it all and impose his own order. He leans on a tree with his left hand and has his right hand to his forehead. He is having a splitting headache and once again his markings light up. After he gets a hold of hisself the markings disappear and his headache goes away.

“I’m changing so much so quickly. A large portion of what made me, me, is gone. But if it went away so easily then was that, in fact, me? Who. Am I?”

A far distance away from Ronaldo, Sapphire is sitting. She’s been there asking herself what does her higher self need to tell her? For the past few hours she’s been meditating. She did it before as Garnet, but not on her own. It’s painful to meditate on her own, just sitting with emotions is the hardest thing in the world. She would rather just numb them away, press them down until they disappear, and just hope the problems in her life just go away. For Sapphire, she has known what will happen in the future ever since she emerged and to her it always seemed things happened the way she predicted no matter what she did. It drained whatever innate happiness she was created with in a short amount of time. She decided that if she couldn’t change the future then she could control how she would react to it. Though something went terribly wrong in her thought process, she erroneously believed that to be able to function you must deny your own emotions. Homeworld culture only encouraged this type of thinking. To be fair, within this corrupted teaching there is a kernel of wisdom within. In fact, that kernel is very wise, but it’s been twisted into something poisonous.

Yes, she does remember what she told Steven and Connie, Stevonnie, about letting thoughts just be, but that was when she was fused with Ruby. Sapphire is starting to realize that knowing what to do and then telling another person what to do is easy. Doing what you actually say you should do is completely different and much harder. Not only that, but one cannot expect to get better all at once, it takes time to get better.

This segues into her questioning one core tenet of her life she has clung onto for a few thousand years.

“Should I really be basing all of my intentions solely on a relationship?” Then she asks more questions connected to that question. “Is there a way to be with my beloved without this kind of attachment? I know I never want to leave her side, but am I doing this for all the right intentions? Am I-?”

She puts her right hand over her mouth and her lips quiver. Then she says, “Am I just using her to fill a void in my heart?”

After Sapphire feels that she had meditated long enough she walks to the warp pad. Ronaldo is waiting for her there.

“Ronaldo. I didn’t know you would be here yet.”

“Hm.”

“Let’s go.” She steps onto the warp pad and warps them to Steven’s house.

While in the warp stream he asks, “Do you gems ever die?”

“Gems never die of old age. We can only be killed through violent means, by shattering the gem.” She turns her right hand up to show her gem.

“Is that right? For humans, since death is guaranteed to us all and we are so vulnerable, some of us have decided to use that to our advantage.”

Sapphire tilts her head slightly.

“I have read about death meditation. It’s not meant to drag you down, but to connect you with your inner wisdom. It’s a really simple question you ask yourself every moment daily, ‘Am I ready to die?’. When I was out there I asked these two questions first, ‘Will this be my last day?’ and ‘Am I living the life I want to live?’. After those two I then ask, ‘Am I ready to die?’”

“And did you learn anything?”

“Hm. It was really hard to focus on anything. Mostly I kept thinking back to when Stevonnie raced Kevin in a Dondai Supremo and how awesome that car was. That car was, as they say, lit. Even though I couldn’t focus I do feel better.”

Sapphire a chuckles a little bit at that. Ronaldo remembers something. “By the way, why did you agree to help me use this teleport? I’m not important, this wasn’t to help Steven or Connie, and I’m not a member of your group, so then why?”

They finally get to the warp pad in Steven’s house. “You know. If you want to become a part of the Crystal Gems, all you have to do is ask.”

That takes him a little off guard, but soon after he chuckles. “That didn’t go down so well 3 years ago. Besides, I’m a human, it wouldn’t make sense for me to be a part of it.”

“Connie is a human.”

“I know. I made that observation back then too. But. The bond between her and Steven is something special.”

“And you helped them get there, at least in part.”

Ronaldo just blinks at her.

“That counts for something.”

“Hah. Well, if you want to vouch for me, then, go ahead. I’m not going to attempt to force it to happen, besides I’m starting to regret a little bit how I acted back then, at least while I had my- gemsona.” He shudders. He knows he acted in a poor manner with regards to the stuff he said.

“So I’d rather not repeat that.” He concludes. Then he walks off of the platform toward the front door. When the front door closes shut Sapphire mutters, “Don’t worry. You’ll fit in here, eventually.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, real talk. It didn't seem appropriate to explicitly talk about this within the confines of this story, but I still feel compelled to speak about it.
> 
> The thing that bothers me whenever I'm watching Steven Universe is that I often get the feeling that the show always paints masculinity in a negative light and femininity in a positive light. I'm not going to say anything about their intentions on this, it could be malicious or it could be unintentional. Only they know for sure which one it is. Every villain in the series always has some masculine traits along with feminine traits and that it's the masculine traits that makes them awful. Every hero always has feminine traits with either no masculine traits at all, or if they do they're shown as being character flaws. Make no mistake, those masculine traits depicted are the negative side of masculinity, but it's an incomplete picture. A similar thing can be said about how they portray femininity.
> 
> Here’s the thing though, I don’t want the Crewniverse to do anything different just for that. It’s their show and they can make whatever they like in whatever way they want. Hey, would I even be here writing fanfiction if I didn't like the show? As for some of the fans, not any of you mind you, but some really do have that mindset that was described. Despite that, I wouldn’t change any of them for the world, because I wouldn’t change anyone for the world. I like everyone just the way they are. C: Yes, even you, dear reader. Every time you read this, whatever you are in the present moment, I feel the same as the last present moment. I like you just the way you are. :)


	30. Insecurity

After Steven and Connie stayed with her dad for about 2 hours, they left. Doug seemed to be in much better spirits as he was genuinely smiling while waving goodbye to his daughter and her boyfriend. Though he still felt a lot of pain under the surface. Just because he was happy about this, doesn’t mean his pain just went away. He still wonders about the worth of living, but he sees that maybe there is some after all if only to be able to see what happens next.

From Thursday to Friday, every time before Steven left for Connie’s school they kissed each other before becoming Stevonnie, but still separate. Navigating around with two bodies is a lot harder than it would seem. It doesn’t help that they experience both of their bodies’ senses at the same time, it’s incredibly confusing. Even after hours of being basically the same being, they still wanted to be intimate every day after Stevonnie brought their self from Connie’s high school. On Thursday, Steven and Connie were much more animalistic. Priyanka heard a few sounds emanating from her daughter’s bedroom door. In response, she walked down to the kitchen and drank a couple of shots until she passed out at the table. Both of them found her there sitting with her head on the table.

“How long has she been down here?” Steven asks.

“Do you think she. Heard us?” Connie asks with guilt in Steven’s voice.

On Tuesday, they actually wanted to show Ruby and Sapphire what they learned to do, but when they thought about it for a while they decided against it on the grounds that it probably wouldn’t be the nicest thing to do at the moment, especially to Ruby.

During the weekdays Ronaldo was able to get Peridot and Pearl to help him to start constructing the device that they need. His first request was for Peridot to obtain another wand for him to study, but unfortunately the one that broke was the only one left. She looked everywhere she could think of and there were none left. He started by brainstorming with them. So far they’ve only been discussing how they should start. Given that this is completely new territory for all of them it’s not going quickly. Pearl suggested that all of them start to try and perhaps draw up diagrams of potential prototypes. They looked at each other’s designs and the various equations they wrote in the margins. After the first three days they all developed their own hypotheses, each as incomprehensible as the other. They debated the merits and weaknesses of each one. They’ve learned a lot, but they still have quite a bit left to go.

On Saturday, Sapphire was able to gather all of the Crystal Gems together. They were waiting in the living room of Steven’s home.

“So, why exactly have we just been sitting here?” Peridot asks with impatience.

“We’re waiting for Ronaldo, remember?” Connie replies.

When he opens the door he seems a little surprised. “Oh hey. Is this some sort of occasion?”

Sapphire stands up and walks over to him and then looks at everyone else. “Everyone. I wanted to bring all of you together here today because I have something to say to all of you.”

“So what is it?” Steven asks.

“If you brought us all here together it must be important.” Pearl remarks.

“Yes. I wanted to tell you that I think Ronaldo should join us. I say this with full support.”

At first everyone was a little shocked. The first ones to be accepting of the idea were, of course, Steven and Connie. Ruby and Amethyst were neutral to the idea. Peridot was a little uncomfortable about this. Pearl was against the idea.

“I think he should too. You have my support too.” Connie affirms.

“Yeah. I agree with her.” Steven adds.

Ruby just shrugs. Amethyst responds with, “I ‘unno. Whatever’s good. I don’t really care.”

“Hm. I’m not entirely sure about this. But! If Steven thinks he should, then so do I. And, I can see potential in him.” Peridot adds.

Everyone turns to Pearl to hear her response. She starts to sweat a lot. This is not a very good place to be in for Pearl, she is way outnumbered here.

“I uh. Uh. I don’t know about this. That is to say. I mean-” She just cuts off what she was about to say and stays silent because she doesn’t have the words to navigate out of this kind of situation.

“Pearl. Just say what you want to say about me.”

“…!” Pearl looks around at everyone.

“I- don’t think I should.” She sighs. “I have nothing to say about him joining.”

After a few moments have passed Ronaldo says something. “Are you sure you all want someone like me to be a part of your group?”

“Ronaldo you’ve changed. You’re not the same person you used to be.” Steven said.

“From what I’ve seen you have a very sharp mind, not as sharp as mine, of course. Probably as sharp as Pearl’s though. Which is an impressive feat for a human.” Peridot says.

“And you’ve been a guide of sorts to Steven and Connie.” Sapphire says.

“Yeah. And all it took was being infected by alien technology, otherwise you guys wouldn’t even look twice at me.”

The Crystal Gems look at each other and don’t know what to say at that.

“It’s not like that-” Steven is struggling to find the right words.

Ronaldo puts his hand up. “No. You wouldn’t have wanted someone like me. I had a lot of faults. Still have plenty of faults. And I had nothing to offer. I just would have been deadweight or worse. I would have been useless. I would have served absolutely no purpose.”

Each one of the gems open their eyes wide. It seems like there is nothing for any of them to say. Ruby looks over at Sapphire, then she looks at Ronaldo and tilts her head toward him. Sapphire nods her head. They walk over to each other and fuse.

Within Garnet they talk to each other. “Sapphire. I don’t know if I can handle not being like this with you. It’s going to hurt so much.”

“I know. Just enjoy this moment for what it is.” Sapphire replies.

Garnet smiles briefly. She turns to face him and places a hand on his shoulder.

“I think all of us know something about that.”

Pearl crosses her arms and looks away at the floor. Amethyst scratches her head while looking at the ceiling. Peridot sits on the floor and ponders for a bit. Steven and Connie look at each other.

“These new abilities I have. I didn’t earn them. They were given to me. Any other human would have the same abilities if they had been bitten instead of me. I’m not special.”

“Well how is that any different from myself or the gems?” Steven asks. Then, with Connie’s arm, he lifts up his shirt and points to his gem. “I didn’t earn this gem, I was born with it! I could’ve just as easily been born normal and someone else had inherited my mom’s gem! They didn’t earn their gems either, they were created like that!”

Ronaldo doesn’t seem convinced, but then he says, “If you believe in me that much, then I guess I won’t say no to your invitation.”

“Then. Ronaldo, welcome- to the Crystal Gems.” Garnet smiles before unfusing.


	31. Weeks 2 and 3

For the next week Steven and Connie did much of the same as they did last week. Connie’s mother went back to work as normal, but she mixed vodka and orange juice together to bring with her. Good thing she still had enough sense to not drive while drunk, but only somewhat. An interesting thing is, after another week of Stevonnie pretending to be Connie at her school people could tell something was definitely different. Indeed, they were a lot more talkative and outgoing than Connie alone. 

When Stevonnie gets back to Connie’s home and unfused in their minds they attract to each like magnets. When connected together like that, but not physically connected, there’s a yearning to be together. By the time they become close in physical proximity, only moments after Steven closes the door behind hisself they’re already in each other’s embrace. Although a good amount of the mystery, discovery, and the excitement that goes along with it, has simply vanished because of already knowing how their bodies behave there are still some things that haven’t been discovered yet because it requires a second person in order to find out. However, because of their intuitive understanding of their own bodies they have strong confidence the other feels good from what they’re doing. That feeling of knowing their partner is having a good time, to try push each other over the edge, is exciting in its own right. Their desire just for the other to be happy and to feel good, not out of a sense of having mastery or for their own egos, but for its own sake, that’s true love. At the same time the ‘feeling of love’ isn’t the love. The reason for this is that unconditional love does not need positive emotions, nor anything else for that matter, to exist; it just simply _is_.

As for what Ronaldo and his team did this week, they have finally started to build very small prototypes. Each one of them does a very specific task, and this is to make sure that every part they propose is even feasible. They’ve gone through many of them and plenty of them exploded or nearly exploded when they tried to use them. All three of them realized that they are not sure where they can get some of the parts they need as they are very specific and can’t really be reproduced at Steven’s home. All three of them ask Greg for assistance on this manner, in specific they ask him if he can help fund them. When they told him it was to help Steven and Connie get back to normal they didn’t need to say anything else. On Wednesday all three of them had been discussing various technical aspects of their early prototypes. Something about that discussion made Peridot remember about Robonoids.

“Hm. Something about this reminds of the Robonoids. I could have sworn there was something similar within them that we are currently working on right now.”

“Robonoids?”

“Oh. They’re current gem technology. There’s a myriad of different ones, each one with a specific purpose.”

“Hm.”

“Yeah. I remember when you first came here and fixed the galaxy warp with those things.” Pearl remarks.

“Eh heheh. Uh y-yeah.” Peridot blushes and looks down at her feet.

“Which type of Robonoids did you use to fix it?”

“The Flask Robonoids. Ahh. They’re certainly a marvel of technology. They eject what appears to be a simple liquid substance, but in fact it’s actually nano-robots and raw materials!”

“Hm. Are they related to Gem Nanites?”

Peridot crosses her arms and says, “You know, that’s a good question. I doubt that it’s all too similar, other than them both being very small machines and perhaps sharing a certain amount of technology, the way they work would be completely different. They have to work on inorganic and non-sentient material as well as carry and meld together materials. Once they bond to whatever they are fixing they become a part of the thing they fixed.”

“Whatever became of the Robonoids?” Ronaldo asks.

“After Peridot deactivated them we brought them back to study them. I, unfortunately, couldn’t find out a lot about them and decided that I would keep them in storage until a better time. Though, Homeworld has come here on at least four different occasions now, so there’s not much use in keeping them.”

“If that’s the case, why don’t you give them to me? I would like to examine them myself.”

“Ahh. Well. I’m- not so sure about giving them…”

“Come on Pearl, you said it yourself, you don’t want them anymore. And I’m a part of the Crystal Gems now. So, why not?” He says while shrugging.

“Ah!” Pearl tries to think of something. “Why don’t we ask Garnet about this first. She’ll know if-”

“Giving them to me is a bad idea?” He says with one eyebrow raised.

Pearl blushes. Ronaldo looks a little annoyed, but then he says, “Alright. Fair enough. I wonder if she even 'exists' right now?”

Right after Ronaldo says that, Garnet walks through the front door. “He can have them.”

“I- I can?! Really?!”

She nods her head.

“HAHA! YES!” He pumps his fist in the air with a big smile across his face. Pearl gets up and walks to her room to get the Robonoids while muttering obscenities under her breath. Garnet follows behind her.

“Hey, Garnet. Ruby and Sapphire. Thanks.” She stops, turns around, and nods her head again. Then she continues to follow Pearl.

In the next week during the weekdays Stevonnie is looking up stuff you would call naughty. The reason is that they want to try to new things and they find things that looks appealing to them. A lot of times afterwards they notice they gave each other bruises on the neck. Connie told him that they could accidentally kill the other if they’re not careful doing that, so they do their best not to hit any major arteries. There are certain things that still cause them to blush a little, but if their beloved wants it, and assuming they are comfortable with it themselves, then they’ll do it. Comfort in this case is not ‘the comfort zone’, but something else. When they're laying next each other naked, Connie realizes that the longer she’s around Steven, the more his schmaltz rubs off on her. Because of this she decides to aim to be as affectionate as a pet. She wants Steven to be with her for the rest of her days and he feels the same too.

On a Thursday Steven experiences what Connie experiences on a monthly basis. At first he didn’t understand what was happening. He thought he might have gotten her body sick or something because of the mild cramps he felt in her stomach. There is something else, something he can’t quite describe. When Connie sees him in pain, she’s been thinking it’s been getting close to that time again.

“Don’t worry. It’ll pass. Did you remember to put a pad in?”

“Yeah. I did exactly what you told me to do. So this is what you go through on a regular basis? I’m so sorry about that.”

“It’s alright. I don’t feel pain very often from it anyway. But I’m glad you care about me sweetheart. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Also during this week the dream team, Ronaldo, Peridot, and Pearl, have all made strides in their progress toward the machine. Their collective intelligence is massive and it has helped them progress very far toward the completion of what they need. On Tuesday, Ronaldo told them that he wouldn’t be with them for 3 days as he needed to examine the contents of the Flask Robonoids. It’s hard to tell what exactly they look like without any microscope of any kind. He needs a very powerful microscope, but he isn’t sure how he would even get to one, let alone owning one. Even though he isn’t able to do that yet, he is able to separate a portion of the liquid into three different layers using his centrifuge. Using the various chemicals he’s accumulated he does various chemical reactions. From this he is able gain a lot of information about what exactly the liquid is made of.

Every so often, ever since Ronaldo starting acting differently, when Peedee or Richard hears loud sounds from the basement they go down to check on him and it unnerves them how he acts. When he thinks he’s by hisself he starts to talk about perfection to hisself, but then it quickly turns to self-hatred over his self perceived flaws. Sometimes when he looks over his shoulder at them his eyes are glowing and when that happens they run back upstairs. Somewhere within hisself he knows that he’s heading down the wrong path, but his inner wounds make it hard for him to listen to his true self. He doesn’t quite realize that he has more control than he realizes and that’s going to cause a lot of trouble down the road, but one day he will find out whether through the easy way or the hard way.

Steven and Connie have visited Greg and the other Crystal Gems over the past two weeks. Over time it seems that Steven’s house has become filled with various prototypes and whiteboards and chalkboards with equations and notes scribbled furiously over them. Even though the house is getting filled it’s staying very organized due to Pearl’s obsessive nature. On Saturday they visit and see that there is a large machine in the middle of the living room.

“Just one more week, and this machine will be completed.”

“Alright!” Connie cheers.

“Way to go!” Steven joins in.

“Heh. Couldn’t have done it so quickly without the rest of the squad doe.” He pauses for brief moment. “Anyways. You two will be switched back in no time! I promise.”


	32. Core Wounds

The machine is nearly complete and the pieces are falling into place. 

Some time during the week, Sapphire and Ruby find each other at the beach and walk toward each other and then down toward the water. They sit down next to each other. It’s night time.

“Hey.” Sapphire says.

“Hey.”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m doing better. I still miss being fused with you, but I’m starting to feel comfortable being alone.”

Sapphire nods.

“You know, when we first fused it was the most wonderful experience in the world. I never wanted to let go. It was so much better being us than me just being me. I didn’t feel good before. Before I met you, I never really got to live my life how I wanted to and I thought being with you would be what I would do. However, I never lived my life for _me_ alone, or even being happy on my own under my own control. Now I know I don’t wanna fuse with you because I can’t stand to be alone, I want to fuse with you _for you_! That’s why I need to stay apart from you for a little longer, until I’m happy just being me. Even if it’s uncomfortable for me, I can’t continue down the path I was on knowing what I know now.”

Ruby holds Sapphire’s left hand.

“Me too. And. I’m trying to make sure I don’t lie to myself anymore about how I’m really feeling. If I feel despair over not being able to change things I see in my future vision, then that’s what I feel, and I won’t try to numb it. Neither will I obsess over it.”

Ruby lets go and stands up. “Dance with me, Sapphy.”

They get up and dance like they first did. They fuse into a bright light. Garnet looks as she normally would, except her hair is more a mixture of Ruby and Sapphire’s. It’s like when they first became Garnet, but organized instead of chaotic. They just lay down and look at the stars for a while before they unfuse. They kiss each other and then walk away from each other.

By the end of the week the dream team have finished the creation of the machine. Now all they need to do is test it. Peridot volunteers to be the first test subject. They start up the machine and Peridot gets very tired and lays down after she presses the finish button. Ronaldo and Pearl know better than to touch Peridot when she is in that state. It takes a little while, but Peridot finally wakes up.

“What did you experience?” Ronaldo asks.

“Yes. What did it feel like?”

“It was- good. It felt nice and I didn’t have a care in the world. It taught me so much. Now that I know what I know, how could Homeworld ever be like the way they are? How could they be so blind? How could _I_ have been so blind?” Peridot answers.

“So. You ‘experienced’ the source?” He asks.

“Hm… I’d say that sounds about right!”

“Excellent! Fantastic news! Now all we need to do is get Steven and Connie here!”

“You sure the machine is ready to go?” Pearl asks.

“I think it’ll work. I’ll call them.”

He takes out his phone and calls Steven’s number from his contacts.

_Hello?_

“Steven! We have finished the machine! We’re ready whenever you are!”

_Really?! That’s great news! Connie, did you hear that? The machine’s finished!_

_Alright!_ Connie says in the background.

 _Okay, we’ll be right over!_ He hangs up the phone.

Once Steven and Connie arrive there, all of the other Crystal Gems have all gathered around the large machine. It's finally time for them to switch. It’s not that Steven dislikes inhabiting Connie’s body, but he wants to be back in the one he grew up in. Connie feels the same way.

“Alright. One of you press this button on the machine and then the other will touch the person who pressed the button. Once you’re ‘in’ the source, do the opposite of what you did before you switched.”

Steven goes up and presses the button and gets a familiar feeling again and lays down to rest. Connie goes over and does what she did before and once again she becomes like a statue, except with Steven’s body instead of her own.

When the illusory boundaries disappear again they feel content. It’s nice, like resting. They enjoy it, not being ‘themselves’, but just being. They decide to stay like this for a while. Everything is okay ‘here’. After a while they want to go back to the ‘mundane’ world. Steven thinks about how the corrupted gem’s minds are stuck in the dreamtime, and then he wonders how Centipeetle is doing. At that instant he’s right next to her in the dreamtime. She’s standing next to her crew members inside her ship and it’s the way it looked when it was new.

“Whoa! Is that- you? Centi?”

“Steven? How did you get here?”

Steven looks at her crew and then looks back at her. “I came from the source!”

“What?”

Connie wonders where Steven is at and then she’s right next to him.

“Who is that?”

“Oh! She’s my sweetest. My best friend in the whole world. My partner. I love her so much. Her name is Connie.”

“Why do both of you have the same hair as I do?” Then she hears Steven’s thoughts. “You’re telling me that you’re a part of my thoughts right now?”

Then she hears a thought that shocks her, but gives her a lot of hope. “You could do that? Really? Me and my crew could be free again?”

“Yeah! We just need to find a portal back to the source.”

“Where is that going to be?”

“Hm. Last time I found it in my home, or at least it looked like my home. I don’t know if it’ll be ‘there’ now though.

Connie, Centi, your crew, please hold on to me. I will teleport us there.”

They all obey and they appear at the front door of ‘Steven’s home’. When they look behind themselves there is something off about ‘Beach City’, the landscape has changed a lot since Steven was last here. Off in the distance where they can barely see, there is a fissure. They go inside and look all over his home for the dark space, but doesn’t seem to be anywhere in there. They turn over all the furniture and tear the place up until it looks like a tornado came through his house.

“Uh oh. How do we even get _ourselves_ back to the waking world?” Connie asks in distress.

“Why isn’t it here this time? What did we do different?” Steven asks back.

“Maybe this isn’t the right Beach City?”

He crosses his arms and looks down at his feet. “But if this isn’t the place we need to be, then what place is this?”

They hear rumbling and the house starts to shake. They all run out the front door and see that a lot of landscape is starting to collapse. The ocean isn’t there, in fact there’s nothing there, not even what was below the water. The beach starts to crumble away, it goes up to a point and then stops leaving pieces of beach floating next to the main mass.

“What the hell is going here?”

Connie shakes her head. “I don’t know, Steven. This was nothing like when we first came here.”

They look over at the lost gems, their facial expressions show a look of terror. Not just any look of terror, but one of deep existential terror. Steven remembers something Garnet said. _It's sort of like if MC Bear-Bear didn't tear the fabric of his arm, but the fabric of his mind._

“I think I might know what’s going on here now.” He holds his arms out wide addressing the lost gems. “This must be happening because you’re facing your corruption. It’s a painful experience I’m sure of it.”

“But I want to be free again!” One crew member says.

“Yeah! I do too!” Another one says.

“But it’s so scary facing those ancient wounds.” Centi says holding herself.

“I think the only way you guys are going to be free is if you search this fear you’re having.” Connie says in a flash of insight.

Centi looks over to a fissure that is far off and starts walking toward it.

“Where are you going, captain?”

She stops. “To face it head on.”

She continues walking down the stairs and everyone follows her. Every so often they step on a patch of ground that collapses beneath them and they jump out of the way. This place is treacherous. The buildings of Beach City are decrepit. Many of them have collapsed in on themselves and have large holes in their walls as if a war took place here. After they’ve walked past many ruined buildings they finally reach an enormous ravine which seemingly has no bottom. She peers straight down into it and it intimidates her. Is this what she must face? She takes a breath and then launches herself into the darkness to face her core wounds.

“CAPTAIN!”

“DON’T LEAVE US AGAIN!” Right after she says that they’re all blown away when a flash of light that erupts from the ravine. Steven and Connie reach out to each other and grabs the other’s hand as they are flung away from this Beach City into the sky. They embrace each other to help the other.


	33. Everything is Okay

Far off from where the explosion occurred Steven and Connie have landed on ‘Mask Island’. They’re holding each other in their arms and have been unconscious for a few hours. The sounds of the ocean surrounding the island are soothing. The warmth of the sun is on their skins. Steven is the first to wake up and when he opens his eyes he sees his lovely partner with her long black hair and smiles. Then he remembers what just happened.

“Oh no! What happened to Centi? What happened to her crew?” He taps Connie on the face. “Hey. Hey! Wake up honey. We need to find Centi and her buddies!”

“Nrrgh. Five more minutes...” Steven makes a water gun appear that’s full of ice cold water and uses it on Connie and it wakes her up. “Okay okay. Stop! Hehe. I’m up! I’m up!”

She picks herself up and looks around at this island that's full of tropical life. The leaves and shrubs blow in the wind.

“Where are we?”

“This is where the watermelon Stevens decided to live. But hold on a second, this place looks completely undisturbed. How can that be? The Cluster caused this island to have many cracks on the surface and destroyed the entire island, but it looks like nothing even happened here.”

Indeed, the island looks as pristine as when Steven, Sadie, and Lars were all ‘stuck’ on this island.

“We should try to get back our bodies now, but how do we get there?” Connie says.

"But Connie! What about Centipeetle! What about her crew! We can't just leave them!"

"Steven they're not gonna go anywhere. If we leave them, they'll still be here in this place. Besides, we've never figured out how to find someone here. And... I really want to be back in my body again. I know that sounds selfish, but I feel mentally exhausted and I just want to be in my body again. Can't we look for them a little later?"

"I guess if it's really bothering you, then I don't mind doing that first."

She lets out a sigh of relief. A large weight has been lifted off of her. "Okay! So, how do we get out of here?"

“Hm. Maybe we need to stop trying to go anywhere.”

“Huh?”

“The ‘place’ we need to go isn’t really a place, is it? So if it isn’t anywhere, how will we reach it? The answer is we don’t.” Steven sits down with his legs crossed. “We just stay right where we are.”

“That’s crazy!”

“You know what it was like. _Just being_ , don’t you? Does any of it really ‘make sense’ from our angle?”

“W-well.” Connie thinks about what he said and then just gives in for now. She sits down across from Steven. “Alright. I can’t really argue with you on that point. So what do we do?”

“Do? We don’t do anything.”

“Nothing at all?”

“Nothing.”

They do what Steven suggests, nothing. They do nothing for half an hour, just sitting across from each other. Connie starts wondering about the future and that’s when she breaks the silence. “Steven.”

“Hm? Yeah, Connie?”

“Um.” She looks down to her side. Then she looks back up at him. “I love you so much. And that’s why… I want to live with you for all my days. I want to make love with you all the time. To have your children. To be a family. To grow old together. I want to share my happiness with you. And I want to stay by your side no matter what happens.”

Steven nods. He would have been concerned, but the fact they’ve been together for so long as Stevonnie it would seem silly to do otherwise.

They hug each other, melting in each other’s embrace. In this moment, they don’t feel like they need to be anywhere. Everything is fine exactly the way it is. Once they realize that, that’s when what they were looking for appears with a bolt of lightning. The shock wave knocks them over into the sand and that’s when they see it, the portal to the source. They get up.

“You first my love.” He bows slightly while pointing his arm to the black spot floating in the air.

“Aw. Such a gentleman.” She giggles. “But actually, I think you might need to go first.”

“Alright.” Steven touches the spot and disappears. He thinks about hisself and he’s back in his body in the waking world. Connie wakes up not long after.

“Oh my goodness. I’m back in my own body! Finally.” Connie says. 

Steven and Connie walk up to each other and hold each other’s faces. They slowly close in on each other and their lips connect.

Peridot coughs.

They disconnect and look around at everyone with a slight blush on them.

“Aw why’d you stop them, it was getting good!” Amethyst says.

“Geez, get a room you two, seriously.” Ronaldo says.

“Hey! That’s a great idea!” Connie says with eagerness.

Ronaldo makes a noise of shock and flinches a little bit. Now he’s the one blushing.

“Wait, we ran out of, well you know.” Steven reminds her.

“Aww.” Connie deflates while making pouting face.

Steven takes Connie’s phone out of his pocket. “Here’s your phone back.”

“Oh right. Here you go too.” She takes his phone out too and they exchange their phones once again.

It’s evening time and Connie figures she better head home. She finds lion and he takes her home. Although Steven loved all those little moments with his beloved he is happy he gets to be in his house again.

Connie arrives at her home and thanks lion. She goes inside her home and finds her mother sitting at the kitchen table with a bottle of vodka. Priyanka isn’t drinking anything at the moment, she’s just staring at the bottle.

“Mom.”

Priyanka moves her sight toward her daughter.

“Oh. Did you two finally switch?”

“Yeah! I’m happy that I’m in my body again. And I’m happy he took good care of it too. My boyfriend's such a gentleman.”

“Mhm. Glad one thing returned back to normal.” She goes back to staring at her bottle of vodka.

Connie feels a little awkward, but she manages to gather enough courage to say, “Um, mom. We um, ran out of. Um. Condoms.”

Priyanka puts her forehead in her right hand. Right now is not a good time for her to be making decisions or making plans. She’s been acting responsibly enough so that she can go in at work when she needs to. Though she wonders what the point of that is anymore, everything tastes like ashes in her mouth, nothing brings her joy right now. She’s only going through the motions like a soulless husk. “Honey. I need time to get sober before we start discussing anything.”

So they head off to bed. When Priyanka wakes up she walks down the stairs and enters the kitchen. Connie has been waiting for a while since very early in the morning. Priyanka sits down across from her. “Ughh. Sobriety sucks a dick.”

“Mother!”

Priyanka shakes her head. “So you two have run out already?”

She sighs. “I guess that was to be expected. I was hoping, perhaps foolishly, that it wasn’t going to be a routine occurrence, let alone daily. Let me think.”

She puts her hand to her lips and continues. “I think insurance will probably cover this sort of thing. If not, there are plenty of other options.”

Connie looks down at the table. 

“You really love him, don’t you?” Priyanka says with a drained look holding her head in her right hand.

Connie lifts her head up and her eyes are slightly widened. “I- There are no words to describe how much I love him.”

Priyanka closes her eyes and then she starts to cry. “My baby. She’s- growing up too fast. And I can’t keep up.”

Connie gets up out her chair and walks over to her crying mother and gives her a hug. Priyanka returns the hug and she just can’t stop crying no matter how hard she tries not to.


	34. Playful Desire

On Monday morning Steven feels like waking up early. His mind had become accustomed to waking up early and he is able to wake hisself up even though he feels really groggy. That’s when Steven has an idea, a most brilliant plan. He focuses on becoming Stevonnie with Connie. She immediately feels that he wants to fuse in their minds and she accepts. Once Stevonnie gains control over both of the bodies they do what their component parts want.

“I want to drive myself crazy for you. To build up energy.” Steven says.

“Mmm. I like this idea. I want to feel that way too.”

“They have to make sure it’s incomplete for both of us though.”

“Do you think Stevonnie can handle that? Actually, now that I think about it… This will be their first time exploring our bodies as their self. Even though, they’re still us?”

“Guys don’t worry about it. I won’t fail, I know it!”

As soon as Stevonnie really wanted to keep going they unfused leaving both of them wanting more which then goes to the back of their minds stewing in the background as they get ready for their day. Steven goes on a mission with the Crystal Gems and he is made leader for now since Ruby and Sapphire are unfused at the moment. He decided it was necessary to visit Centipeetle and when they enter the old crashed spaceship they see Centipeetle moping in a corner to herself away from the rest of her crew. Whatever she is going through is really bothering her and she wants to be alone, because at this point she’s like a wounded animal. Steven approaches her with caution and when she notices him approaching she looks up at him with such a pitiful look in her gem eye.

Steven walks up to her and puts his hand on her head. “Hey. It’ll be alright. Just hang in there.”

Although she is in great emotional distress she appreciates his kind words. Like salve on a open wound they are truly helpful. She nudges his face like a cat because she can’t really give hugs just yet.

“Hey! Your arm! It’s back to normal!” She holds up her arm and moves her fingers.

“When did that happen?” Ruby asks when she sees Centipeetle’s right arm is back to normal.

“I think it happened yesterday.”

“Huh? But how do you know that?”

“I met her in the dreamtime. Right now she’s facing her deepest darkness, but one day she will be back to normal. I just know it.”

Centipeetle makes what looks like is supposed to be a smile. Her left hand reappears, but the rest of her left arm is still messed up.

Later on in the day, when Connie returns from school she texts Steven.

Me: _Hey. Today is our lucky today, they were giving out, well you know, at my school. I still don’t know how mom knew exactly what size you were. That still kind of freaks me out. Anyway, what I got should be able to last until I’m able to get the insurance sorted. Mom’s making me do it, but she’s still in the background because she is the one that has to do certain parts of the process. So otherwise… I’m ready whenever you are <3_  
**Seen 2:53 P.M.**

Steven: _What kind of statement is that? Course I’m ready. I’ve been thinking about you all day ;P_

Me: _< 3_  
**Seen 2:53 P.M.**

She sends a picture of herself revealing part of her left nipple.

Me: *.jpg  
**Seen 2:54 P.M.**

Me: _Enjoy, but not too much, I want some too. ;) I’m heading over there now. See you soon babe. Love you_  
**Seen 2:54 P.M.**

For the rest of the week they continue to do the same thing. There are certain cravings he is starting to have because of being with Connie and it’s starting to concern him, but he tries to ignore it. One day they were like animals again and afterwards she put Steven’s saliva on where she left some blood and bruises when she involuntarily clawed into his back.

“Sorry hon.”

“No it’s okay. You liked it, didn’t you?”

“Sweetheart I think your priorities are little mixed up, but.” She nibbles on his neck and then whispers sensually into his ear. “Yes.”

Also going on during the week Steven lead the Crystal Gems on various missions. A lot of them involved finding more corrupted gems to bubble. At Connie’s home Priyanka is still drinking in excess and because of the nature of being near an addict it drains Connie of her spirit as Steven is no longer staying right next to her. One might would think that since Connie has returned to her own body that her mother would go back to normal, but unfortunately it’s rarely ever that simple. Priyanka’s body is becoming physically dependent upon alcohol and so she continues to drink. Not everything has returned to normal either. Doug is gone from her life and though they weren’t a great fit for each other she was still attached to him and it hurts to see him go. At the same time she is somewhat relieved that he is gone, but that’s only in the background.

Now as for what Doug is doing, he’s actually doing slightly better than he was. After Connie and her boyfriend, Steven, visited him, he started calling his daughter every day afterward. For an entire month he had to listen to someone else’s voice than his daughter’s. He knew Connie was stuck in her boyfriend’s body, but he never became quite used to hearing Steven’s voice saying things Connie was telling him. When Connie was back to normal and he heard his daughter’s voice and knew it was his daughter it was no longer unsettling. She asks her dad to pick her up whenever he calls on the weekends.

“Dad, can I stay at your place for a few days?”

_Well sure, but you should tell your mother first._

“Will she understand?”

_Sweetheart, I know she must be very angry at me and would want to do almost anything to hurt me, but she loves you more than anything. She would never hurt you just to hurt me. Trust me._

“Okay I believe you. Love you daddy.”

_I love you too._

“Bye!”

_Bye._


	35. Magic Machine

A few weeks later Ronaldo has managed to modify the nanorobots into something similar to the serum he was injected with about two months ago.

“Entry number 11, part 1.

After weeks of experimentation I have finally recreated the serum that gave me this incredible intelligence, however, I have changed it so that it will work similarly to how the original worked. In other words, this serum is specifically designed to work on organic beings. I had bought some cute little rodents to use as test subjects, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t bring myself to experiment on them. Human experimentation is out of the question.

There is only one option left. Self experimentation. Of course, I have been extremely careful in the recreation of this so that it hopefully won’t harm me. Something lies beyond further than I can reach at the moment. It’s just out of my grasp, but if I inject myself with more of this I have a strong hunch that this will help me get there. I swear I won’t be useless ever again.”

He stops the recording. He takes some rubbing alcohol and cleans off the pit of his elbow. He gets an unused needle and fills it with the modified nanorobots. When he finishes filling it to the specified dose in his notes he then goes and get a piece of rubber and wraps his left arm and injects hisself with the serum in his vain in the pit of his elbow. He unwraps the piece of rubber. The lines start to light up where he injected hisself.

“Entry number 11, part 2.

As you can see I have just injected myself with my experimental serum. I will be documenting its effects upon my body and my psyche.

The lines are lighting up where I believe some sort of inherent pathways exist within myself.”

He takes his shirt off.

“The light is quickly approaching my carotid arteries. Once they reach my brain that’s where the real fun will begin.

Uff-!”

His vision goes double and he holds his head because of vertigo. He goes through extremely intense 1 second long trips. He goes back and forth from the waking world to the dreamtime. His mind feels like it’s being torn apart and put back together again. His eyes glow white and the patterns on his body gain another line within them. Now blue lines run through the middle of the black lines that form the patterns.

“I must stay awake. I am determined to stay awake."

Then he has a vision. It's not of the dreamtime, but of the waking world? Is it something that hasn't happened yet or is it something that already happened? "How fascinating, what do I see? Some strange being, but who could she be, I wonder? She looks so sad.”

Ronaldo hears whispers in his head. "The one who failed to meet expectations?"

Certain knowledge starts to flood his mind. Secrets of the universe which are unwise for any person to know.

“I’m starting to understand certain things a lot better. The creation of new life is just within my grasp.

For now, however, there is something I must create. Something that has come to me in a revelation. A new machine!”

He starts to scribble down incessantly various plans he’s having. This is a dangerous path he treads. After he comes down from his drug-like trance he realizes he has made a complex machine, but even he isn’t quite sure what it does. When he was in the trance he knew exactly what it was for, but now it’s like a faint haze. Though he does remember one thing. This machine is definitely about magic, but for what exactly he doesn’t know. He has a thought and goes over and picks up his katana and its sheath.

“If this machine is magic. I wonder…” He takes it out of its sheath and holds it up in the air. He coughs up some blood. Then he looks at his fingernails and he sees them turning into crystal and starts to freak out little. He puts his sword down and runs to the bathroom and taps his fingernails on the sink and they make a distinct sound. Then he feels something in his mouth and opens his mouth to see what might be happening and it freaks him out even more. His teeth are turning into crystal as well. He coughs up more blood into the sink. 

He stays at the sink until he calms down and makes sure that he won’t cough up anything else. Like maybe his entire lung he thinks to hisself.

“I think I might have fucked up somewhere. This wasn’t supposed to happen, was it?” He looks at his hands. Then he shakes his head and washes the blood out of the sink. “Guess I’ll need to get a pair of gloves to hide this. They shine just a little too well, but they are nice looking though. Very geometric and highly ordered.”

He looks down at his feet.

“Right, guess I won’t be wearing sandals from now on either. Unless I wear socks?” Then he cracks up a little. "Yeah right. Even back before all of this happened I still had enough sense not to wear socks with sandals."

Then something happens that hasn't happened to him for a while. He genuinely starts laughing.

Another week later Ronaldo asks the other Crystal Gems where Steven and Connie are. They notice he has gloves on for some reason, but they don’t ask as they just see this as just one of those things he does. They tell him they are training as Stevonnie below the Ancient Sky Arena.

Earlier that day, Steven and Connie decided to go out where there are no man-made or gem-made structures. It takes them a while, but after they go to the Ancient Sky Arena they get away from any traces of gem buildings. They hold hands with each other as they go deeper into the forest. Unlike so many times before they decide to be completely silent and just let things be. They find a good sitting spot and sit close to each other and do so in complete silence with only the birds singing, the chattering of little critters, and the wind blowing through the leaves to fill the ‘void’. It brings them peace; everything is okay the way it is. They’re so happy they get to know and share peace with each other in silence. They face each other and stare deeply into each other’s eyes while sitting in the meditative pose Garnet taught them without saying a single word. They focus on each other. In the silence they drink from the nature itself and their beloved. Eventually they fuse without even noticing just because they became so comfortable in the silence of each other. Instead of trying to unconditionally love the other they simply get out of the way and let it do its thing. For unconditional love has always existed and a person does not have to do anything to love unconditionally; it is the natural state of being. Unconditional love never goes away because there is no way to stop it. It is invincible. No, what happens is that one becomes blinded and is no longer able to see what is there. Still, it's very useful if one explores their ideas about love.

They tell him they are training as Stevonnie below the Ancient Sky Arena. They say that since it’s high up in the sky they have no idea how he would get to the ground.

“Wait. You guys can transform, right? Why don’t one of you transform to help me reach the ground?”

Amethyst shrugs. “Sure dude. I’m always down for a good shape shifting. Got any requests?”

“Hm. Just something that will get me to the ground without killing me will do. Perhaps a vehicle?”

“Heheheh. I promise I won’t let anything happen to you.” Amethyst rubs her hands in glee.

“Uhhh.” 

“Comon! Let’s go!” She grabs his hand and drags him to the warp pad.

When Ronaldo and Amethyst arrive at the Ancient Sky Arena she transforms into a helicopter and he takes a seat inside. She dives down into the air and Ronaldo holds onto her for dear life and screams. Amethyst laughs almost all the way down and then slows down before she is about to crash. She lands gently on the ground and Ronaldo is still shaking.

“Alright! This is your stop dude!”

Ronaldo takes a moment to catch his breath and then gets out of Amethyst.

“Alright man. I’ll catch you on the flip side! HA HA HA HA HA!” She flies back up to the sky arena.

He starts walking around and then he hears them grunting while swinging their sword.

“Stevonnie! Hey! I want to show you something!” Ronaldo yells while running up to them.

“Huh? How did you get here?”

“Amethyst brought me, I have something to show you!”

“What is it?”

He holds up his katana.

“Uh? Your katana? What about it?”

He is still breathing heavily. “I made modifications to it!”

He pulls out the katana from its sheath in an overdramatic fashion. “I upgraded it.”

When Stevonnie sees the crystal on its hilt their eyes widen. “Ronaldo, you didn’t-”

“Huh?” He sees her staring at the crystal. “Oh oh! No. Th-this was never a gem. It was lifeless when I got it. I promise.”

She looks at him with skepticism. He tries to reassure her. “Look. I bought a nice sized clear quartz crystal and I used a machine I developed to imbue it with magic while it was attached to the sword. The bond the crystal made to the katana looks extraordinarily strong.”

“So you used magic? But how?”

“I didn’t use magic personally. I only made a machine which taps into the latent spiritual energies surrounding us.”

Ronaldo turns to face a tree. “Watch this.”

He flicks his wrist a little bit and the sword starts to glow. He takes the katana and slices in a horizontal direction. This makes a wave of energy. Just like Peridot, Ronaldo falls back because of the recoil of his weapon.

“Ow! Guess I made it too powerful.”

Stevonnie puts her hands on her hips and just looks at what happened. She sees the energy vaporize the tree, even its roots from the looks of the hole in the ground, after it hits it. She helps him up.

“Hey! Why don’t you spar with me? I want to see how your katana holds up in close range!”

“Huh? Are you kidding? I’m no fighter. Hell, I only have this thing ‘cause I thought it looked cool.”

“Look, I’ll go easy on ya? Whaddaya say?”

“Well. As long as you don’t kick my ass too hard, then okay.”

Stevonnie gets into their standard position. Ronaldo gets into a dramatic pose, he really likes hamming it up. She can’t help but to snicker a little bit. He’s not a fighter for sure.

“Alright. Enough foolin’ around. Come on!”

Stevonnie pretends she is going to strike him with the sword. He, in turn, goes to block the blow. When he does, that’s when something happened. A blinding light throws both of them backward. It takes them about 20 seconds to regain their sights. They both get up and go to retrieve their swords, only…

“What the heck!” Ronaldo puts his hands to his head.

“They- fused?” Stevonnie says in bewilderment.

Ronaldo picks up the sword. The gem is on the hilt like the katana, this sword, like Rose’s sword, is pink as well, but it is embellished with ivy patterns in the exact opposite color. “This is impossible! I swear on my life that crystal was completely inanimate when I got it! And all I did was put energy into it. It couldn’t have a consciousness!”

“Let me see that.” Stevonnie holds out her hand. He gives it to her. “Whoa. I thought I felt a presence, but holy macaroni this sword- it’s almost like it’s breathing!”

Ronaldo raises his eyebrows.

“Huh. Who would’ve thought.” Ronaldo puts his gloved hand to his chin and ponders something for a moment. “Hey. You know what? You can keep it, my katana. I know it’s silly, but over the years I became attached to the thing. Still, I want you to have it.”

“Wha? You sure about that?”

“Heh. Well, I’m never gonna be using it in combat myself. It’s much better off staying with you. Think of it as a gift. That’s what friends do, right? Give gifts?”

“AWW! Ronaldo.” Stevonnie gives him a great big hug.

“Whoa whoa! You’re crushing me! AAGGH!” She lets go and have an apologetic look on her face.

“I promise I’ll take good care of it.”

Ronaldo hands them the katana sheath. “Here. In case they somehow unfuse.”

Stevonnie doesn’t say anything about it, but she feels like, somehow, the sword has the feeling of sentimentality emanating from it. It must have inherited it from him. This is no longer merely Rose’s sword, it’s something new. Steven and Connie reassert themselves. They decide to name this one, Guardian of the Earth. Along with the new sword they name the original katana, and call it Ronaldo’s Sentiments.


	36. Just Another Day

Ruby and Sapphire have gotten to a point where they feel totally comfortable by themselves, at least for now. They meet again on the beach and it’s in the middle of a nice spring day.

“Hey Sapphire.”

“Hey.”

“I think I’m ready. What about you?”

Sapphire nods. Ruby holds out her hand. “Care to dance then?”

When they feel each other in their embraces. It feels like home to them. This time they aren’t doing it out of place of neediness, but out of a place of fullness. They want to share their newfound happiness with each other. Two whole beings coming together into one whole being. The number changes, but the wholeness doesn’t change.

Ruby and Sapphire dance sweetly under the afternoon sun. The warmth envelopes both of them and they feel at peace. Ruby kisses Sapphire’s neck and Sapphire sighs a little. That’s when their gems glow and now after all this time Garnet is back, for now.

“Look at that sun. It’s beautiful. This whole beach is beautiful!” She falls back into the sand laughing. After her laughter dies down she just lays there for a few hours. Steven and Connie see her laying in the sand when they come out of Steven’s house.

“Hey!” Steven says.

Garnet sits up and greets them. “Nice day we’re having, isn’t it?”

“Sure is! How long you been laying there?” Connie asks.

“Hm. Oh, I’d say for around 2 hours or so.”

Connie nudges Steven in the arm. “Steven, we can show her now.”

“What? Oh right! Garnet! We wanted to show you something.”

She stands up and waits for them to continue.

“So you know we can fuse like this.” Connie says. They fuse into Stevonnie and then unfuse immediately afterward.

“That’s how we normally do it.” Steven says. Connie walks behind Garnet.

“But did you know, that we can fuse like this as well?” Connie continues. 

“Fused while not being fused?” Stevonnie says with both of their voices. Garnet looks behind their self with their mouth slightly open. Stevonnie moves Connie’s body back beside Steven’s. “It was difficult at first to control two bodies at the same time, but I got the hang of it eventually.”

Stevonnie unfuses.

“So what do you think, Garnet?” Steven says while shrugging. Connie gives a great big smile with her hands on her hips.

Garnet makes their visor disappear and hugs both of them. Then she lets go. “I’m so proud of you two.”

“We would’ve showed you two months ago, but you were separate and-”

Garnet interrupts Steven by shaking her head and then smiling. “So how did you two figure out how to do this?”

“Well, actually, it happened by accident the first time when we fell asleep as Stevonnie at my home.”

“We were able to do it on purpose so that I wouldn’t have to be at Connie’s school all alone and feel like dummy.”

“Steven, you’re not a dummy.”

“Compared to you, yes I am.”

Connie gives him a kiss on the cheek. “If you’re a dummy, then you’re _my_ dummy.”

“You never told me it was possible to do what we did.”

“I never knew it was possible. I hadn’t even considered it because there was no reason for any of us to do that.”

“You know what? If you’re ever interested, we would be happy to show you.”

Garnet gives them a small smile. “I’ll remember your offer.”

She walks off. “Have fun you two.”

“Huh?” Steven looks at Garnet confused as she walks away. Then he starts to wonder, did she mean?

Connie is blushing a lot. It’s crazy how Garnet’s future vision is like mind reading. “Steven, lets go over there, behind the cliff.”

“Ah?” Steven looks at her seeing her blushing away. “Oh.”

She grabs onto his shirt with her hands and puts her head on his chest while standing close to him. “I really liked yesterday, but I want to be outside this time.”

He remembers yesterday. Although he likes it too whenever they do that, he wishes he could see the reaction on her face without a mirror. “What if someone sees us?”

“That’s the whole point! That’s what makes it more exciting!”

He couldn’t argue that point so he picks her up and carries her in his arms.

“Wait a minute, I don’t have any-”

She pulls an unopened condom from her pocket and holds it up.

“Ohhh. You’ve been planning this all day, haven’t you? Someone’s being a bad girl.”

“Why don’t you teach me a lesson then baby.” She says huskily.

“Oh don’t worry, I will.” He jokes. Although he tries to hold back certain feelings that concern him the arousal is clearly in his voice.

Connie knows what kind of guy Steven is. That sweet, loving, and gentle soul. She loves him to death, but sometimes she wants something different. Not the opposite necessarily, but a way that Steven doesn’t behave in most of the time. She is able to coax it out of him pretty easily. She can see the hesitation in him, but she is able to push him until something else takes over. Not only that, but because she inhabited his body she knows he want it, even though he won’t admit it.

There were times where Steven, if he had not have been in her body for as long as he was, would not have been able to understand why Connie wanted the things she wanted. She would say things that almost seemed incomprehensible if he hadn’t had the experience of being her, like how she said she wanted him to use her. Steven knows that ‘use’ isn’t really the right word. It’s more like dominance, but not really. It’s more like letting yourself go, but also not really either. It’s not about being evil; it’s not about taking advantage of another person. It’s something different. The best way it can be described is masculine energy, the compliment to feminine energy. However, these two things are in fact the same thing, like two sides of the same coin. To look within is to look without and to look without is to look within. Steven was more than happy to oblige if she really wanted it. His stated reasons for doing what she wanted him to do was because she wanted it and he knew she would like it, but somewhere in the back of his mind he, his primeval side, liked it too. He knew it was there, but he just didn’t want to think about it. Even though he knew exactly where she was coming from and why she wanted it from an intuitive level, it still felt wrong for him to do it, let alone have the desire to do so or god forbid he actually act upon them alone. Unfortunately, the true answer to this is not simple as it depends on the situation as to whether acting in that way is wrong or not. Exercising caution with strong feelings such as these is a wise thing, however.

Later on in the evening they decide to go to Fish Stew Pizza. They order a large pizza to split between each other. While they were eating Connie says something.

“Steven. I’ve been thinking about something.”

“Hm? Oh yeah? What’s that?”

She gets another slice of pizza and says without chalance, “When I go to college… Come with me.”

“Why?”

“Steven, I need you to-!” She sees Kiki behind the counter looking over at them. Connie looks back at Steven. She squeezes his hand tight and quietly says, “I _need_ you.”

Steven looks over at Kiki who has her arms crossed assessing what’s going on. He blushes and then tells Connie, “Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E95WWN7U79I
> 
>  
> 
> "Hey wait a second! Chalance isn't a word!"
> 
> It is now. c:


	37. Curiosity

Steven goes to visit Centipeetle hisself. Connie decided she would spend some time with her dad and then see how her other friends are doing. 

“Okay, have fun!”

_Yeah! Although… Nothing could be as fun as what we can do together. See you this evening, babe. I love you._

“I love you too dearest.”

_Byee~_

“Bye!”

He opens the spaceship again and finds that Centipeetle is next to her crew, trying to comfort them. She’s still corrupted herself, but she’s gotten a little bit better shown by the fact that her entire left arm has now recovered.

“Hey Centi!”

Centipeetle makes a screeching sound like a bird and goes up to Steven. She is happy to see him.

“Hehehe. I know. I know. I missed you too. Are your crew members doing better?”

She gives him a sad look. Steven looks at her comrades and sees that they haven’t gotten any better.

“Oh. I’m sorry, Centi.” He looks at her and then snaps his fingers as he recalls he has healing spit. He licks his hand and tries to approach them, but Centipeetle stops him.

“Wh-? Huh? Why not?”

She wishes she could tell him, but the words just come out as screeches. She doesn’t know why, but she feels it would be unwise to try to do that when they’re in the state they’re in.

“Okay.” Steven wipes his hand dry of his spit.

While this is going on, Ronaldo is at the door to gem’s rooms. He has his laptop computer with him and taking notes on what he’s observing. A week ago he was curious about the wall that looked like it could be a door. Because of what he knew about how gems and frequencies are related he took a tuning fork with him, and when he put it to the ‘wall’ the spots that represented each gem’s rooms started glowing the same color. When he measured the frequency of both the sound and of the light their frequencies were apart from each other by multiples of 5.

He takes out a machine shaped like a suction cup he created which he plugs into his laptop and starts his custom made program. It’s a really simple one which controls the frequency of the machine. This causes the 5 spots to glow various colors as the frequency outputted by the machine changes. When it reaches a specific frequency, 6955 kHz, the door opens slightly. When Ronaldo peeks inside he has no idea what he sees. All he knows is that he sees one giant heart-like structure wherever it is. He squeezes through the small space he managed to open.

“A heart...”

He walks up to the Crystal Heart. It’s most certainly alive, but what is its purpose he wonders. He takes the glove off his left hand. Something compels him to touch it, but he jerks his left hand back in pain. “OW! FUCK! That thing felt like it burnt me!”

He shakes his hand and the pain lets up after a minute and puts the glove back on.

“I have a feeling I shouldn’t be here. But. I’m so curious, what on Earth are they hiding in this place?”

He looks around the room and thinks out loud, “In common parlance a heart refers to something that is central. This room must be in the center of this place. What is this all connected to?”

He rubs his chin while walking into what appears to an be archway. When walks in the room he is in has many floating round things and a cauldron in the floor filled with what appears to be either liquid metal or lava.

“This place feels as bizarre as the dreamtime. I’m not tripping right now, am I?”

On his left hand he rubs his finger tips with his thumb and stares up at the countless bubbles that float above him. “What in the hell is all of that? There’s so many of them!”

Steven teleported back from visiting Centipeetle. When he arrives he finds a device attached to the gem door and that is connected to a laptop. What’s crazy is that the door is open, but only so much. He goes in there and finds that it has opened the room to the Crystal Heart. From the distance he hears someone.

“What could the purpose of this room be?”

It sounds like Ronaldo, but how was he able to open the door without a gem? He follows the sound of his voice and ends up in the Burning Room.

“Ronaldo, how did you even get in here?”

“AH?” He turns around and flinches. “Oh uh. Steven. I- uh. I can explain!”

“It’s not safe for you in here.”

“Yeah no kidding. I think I’ve lost the feeling in my fingertips from when I touched that heart.” He shows his left hand.

“You touched the Crystal Heart?! What did you do that for?”

“I just felt like I should, but what a mistake that was.”

Steven sighs and shakes his head. He licks his hand. “Here, let me fix that for you.”

Ronaldo pulls his hand back and raises one of his eyebrows.

“I have healing spit. I can help you if want it.”

He feels a little hesitant having someone else’s spit on his hand, but he takes the glove off and holds it back out to Steven. "Wait! What happened to your fingernails?"

"Uh. An accident?"

"What accident?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Alright, if you really don't want to talk about it, then don't. Though, don't ever feel like you have to go through things alone, yeah? We're always here for you." 

Ronaldo nods.

Steven smears his sparkling spit all over Ronaldo’s left hand. “Do you have any feeling in your fingers again?”

They wait for five minutes, but it still feels as numb as before. “No.”

“No?” Steven frowns. Are his healing powers not working again he asks hisself. “Well, let’s get you out of here. It’s dangerous for you to stay.”

“Right right. But first.” He points up to the bubbled gems. “Could you please tell me what all of those things are?”


	38. Bubbles

“Do you remember meeting the corrupted gems in the dreamtime?”

“Yeah. But what does that-” Ronaldo makes a shocked sound. “…!”

He shakes his head. “Don’t tell me! These are the corrupted gems?!”

Steven nods.

“Wow. I’ve seen a lot of them, but I never knew there were this many!” He looks up again. “So this is what 3 diamonds can do. Hard to wrap my mind around that kind of power. Their structures were nearly without fault, imagine all the damage a diamond could do if they truly were perfect.”

“Ah. H-huh?”

Ronaldo looks at Steven with a very puzzled look on his face. “N-nevermind. So you’ve told me one of the corrupted gems has actually returned to its body and is starting their recovery? Please refresh my memory, what happened in the dreamtime before she returned to her body.”

“Well. We all approached a large crack in the ground and Centipeetle jumped into it. This caused all of us to be blown backwards.”

“And this crack in the ground, what did it look like? What color was it?”

“It was a very large crack like someone had dropped something really heavy on Beach City. It seemed like it was endless so it eventually become completely dark at the bottom.”

“Dark, you say? Hm.” He rubs his fingertips trying to feel something in them again. “Wait! Dark! That’s it!”

“Uh. What’s it?”

“Don’t you see, Steven! That darkness was the ‘way’ back to the absolute. It was just like that small dark spot that you used to get back yourself!”

“Huh. I never really thought about it like that before.”

“You can use my machine to help save of them!”

“I- I don’t know, Ronaldo. It doesn’t seem to be as simple as that. If they aren’t ready to leave they just simply won’t go. You, me, Connie, and I think Centipeetle’s crew are all examples of that. ”

“You’re absolutely correct on that count. Ah! But you can still use my machine to help those who will accept your offer.”

“I suppose you’re right about that.”

“How is. Um. What did you call her?”

“Centi?”

“Yeah, Centi. How is she?”

“I’ll tell you after we get out of here.”

“Alright.” Ronaldo follows Steven. When they enter back into the normal part of Steven’s house Ronaldo takes the machine off the door and this causes it to close back again. Not long after the door closes it opens back up and Amethyst walks out.

“Yo, dude. I couldn’t get out of my room!” She looks over at Ronaldo who has a laptop and his strange machine. “Like, what’re you just standing there for?”

“The purpose of myself standing here is to test this machine which helps tap into-”

“Yeah yeah. A buncha boring nerd stuff, right? I’m gonna go eat everything in Steven’s refrigerator.”

While Amethyst stuffs her face Steven sits on the couch and Ronaldo stands across from the coffee table. “Okay, so Centi is doing better than she had been for quite a while. She’s got both of her arms back! She still looks pretty corrupted though. And. She didn’t want me to attempt to use my healing spit on them. I guess she thinks that would only make things worse at this point, I dunno.”

“Well if it’s as you said about how they don’t want to return yet then I think using your healing spit would, indeed, harm them instead of help them.”

“Yeah. Guess you’re right.”

“So those corrupted gems in that one room. What are they all in?”

“Let me see your machine.”

Ronaldo raises his eyebrows, but hands him the machine. Steven bubbles it for him. “These are bubbles. Their purpose is to hold gems and prevent them from reforming, but we can bubble anything including this.”

Amethyst walks back to her room with a bunch of food in her hands.

“How interesting! Can I keep the bubble?”

“Uhhh. Sure, just make sure not to tap the top of the bubble otherwise… Hm. No, wait. Maybe it would go to your house instead? I dunno. Just try not to tap the top of the bubble.” He holds out the bubble in his hands. Ronaldo takes it from him.

“Wow. This is fascinating. This bubble feels completely solid in my hands and yet it’s hollow on the inside. These can be broken, right?”

“Yeah. If you drop it on the floor it will break, so be careful of that.”

“Okay.” Ronaldo checks his phone. “Goodness. I guess I better get going. I left something going in my home and I need to go check on it.”

“Alright. I’ll see you later, bud.”

“Yeah. You too.”

He walks out of the house. Steven lays back and thinks about what Connie might be doing at the moment.

Connie is with her dad when their relatives decide to give Doug a video call. He opens the app.

“Doug!”

“Sammy! Teresa! Frank! How are all of you?”

“We’re doing good.”

They see Connie come into view.

“Connie! It’s good to see you!”

“Oh hey.” She smiles.

They talked to each other for a little bit, and then Teresa brings up something she saw yesterday.

“So, you know how I was at that restaurant yesterday?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, when I came back from the bathroom I saw a man sitting by himself at a table and he was crying! I mean can you imagine? A grown ass man crying out in public. Naturally I tried to get away from him as fast as possible. Who knows what he’d do next. Might would assault someone if you didn’t watch your back. Probably needs to lay off the souse a little.”

Sammy giggles a little bit at what her relative said and Frank chuckles. Doug tries to chuckle too, but it comes out really forced.

“Hey. Something a matter Doug?” Teresa asks.

“O-oh, it’s nothing.”

Frank mocks what he thinks the man at the restaurant was doing by chugging an invisible bottle of an alcoholic beverage. They laugh, even Doug does a little.

An hour later and they have had their fill of conversation.

“Well we better get off of here. I have a lot of things I need to get done.” Frank says.

“Yeah. We’ll talk to you later. We love you!” Teresa says.

“I love you guys too.”

“Take care of yourself!” Sammy says smiling before they end the call.

Connie looks at her dad. “Is that why you didn’t want to talk to them about you and mom?”

“Hm?”

“Earlier, what aunt Teresa said? When she showed no compassion for that man who was crying. Looking at him like he’s a possible threat because something is hurting him on the inside. That’s why didn’t want to talk to them.”

He turns his head and looks toward the floor. It’s not that he wants to cry out in public or even to cry at all, though he has anyway, but it’s the flagrant devaluing of man’s emotions that encourages him not want to talk about them. Not every emotional expression of hurt will include crying and that’s okay, but if it does then that’s okay too. No person should be made fun of for crying because it’s very therapeutic, but no person should be shamed or demonized for not wanting, whether that’s through shame or something else, to cry either because there’s more than one way to deal with something in a healthy manner. They should be free to choose whichever they want. He closes his eyes and nods slowly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel the need to add this note because it has been bothering me.
> 
> How many times has it happened that man's very worth is attacked if he doesn't do some specific thing a person wants? 'Real men do this, real men do that.' 'You're a man, aren't you?' If they don't live up to the expectation they're effeminate, which isn't even really an insult at all, or they say they're a joke which is an insult. Now even still, that would only be a blow to a man's ego if that was the only thing that happened, but it isn't. No, it's cruel what happens. If they're not a 'real man' then they are perceived as being deserving of nothing or not very much, but always deserving of contempt. Even those who _should_ know better are guilty of this. I'm speaking of the 'masculinity so fragile' trope. Do you know what that phrase implies? The subtext is, ‘Oh how could you get hurt over this? I thought you were a _real man_.’ Which always goes hand in hand with that phrase even though it’s never stated. Every person has vulnerabilities. Every person wants to belong. They wouldn't say 'body image so fragile' to an anorexic even if that anorexic were making fun of fat people, would they? I mean if they did at least they'd be consistent. Now this isn't to say women don't face problems; it's that men face problems _too_. Savvy?
> 
> I just want everyone to hurt less, to be happy, to be free, to love, and to be loved.


	39. Future Vision

“Entry number 13.

As I stated in my previous entry I imbued my katana/quartz with magic and it made it very powerful. It fused with the sword Stevonnie wielded. So far, it still hasn’t unfused. It might be stuck that way, but who knows.

So far, I have attempted to imbue crystals with power, but they seem to refuse to uptake any magic as they are. The only thing I could think of that was different is that the gem was not attached to any items, but what difference would that have made? Still, I tried it anyway. I got random objects that I didn’t mind potentially losing as they held no value to me. I attached it to various things like a broom, a fork, and a stick I found outside.

None of the objects showed any signs of absorbing the power like the first one. The gems attached to plant matter though showed some signs of reaction, but they still didn’t absorb power. I decided that perhaps it needed a life-form with consciousness. Naturally, I chose myself to experiment on. I taped a quartz crystal to my skin and attached it to the machine. I turned the machine on and the crystal showed a little more sign of reaction, but it still didn’t do anything. That’s when I noticed a mouse was climbing on my desk. I yelled to scare it off and it worked, but it caused a framed picture of me and my ex to fall over and break the glass.

I took the gem off of my skin as fast as I could and I took the picture of my ex out of the shattered mess. I looked at the picture in my two hands and I thought back to the good times, but it was so bitter to remember breaking up with her. I had a lot of emotions tied up in that photo. I laid the photo next to the gem which was still attached to the machine. I was going to turn off the machine, but something happened. A miracle! The gem finally absorbed magic! Unfortunately, it also absorbed the photo as well. That photo is gone, vanished without a trace. Actually, I’m kind of glad it’s gone now. I should have trashed it or at least put it up somewhere I couldn’t see all the time.

Anyways, it’s so strange that out of all the things I tried that it was the photo that worked. What could that mean? I need to figure that out.

End of entry.”

He puts his phone back in his pocket and is struck with a power. Ronaldo feels he is able to predict the future. He goes to find where his brother is and travels to Frybo’s.

“Hey, could you come over here and-” They both say at the same time.

“Um.”

“How are you-”

“Would you stop that!”

“Uff. I think I need to get some fresh air.” They say that at the same time. Peedee puts his hand to his forehead and walks out of the restaurant.

While Ronaldo was experiencing this Garnet could feel a change in her future vision, but she wasn’t sure what it was or what caused it.

“Entry number 14.

I know I just made an entry only just a few hours ago, but this is important. I will keep this one very brief.

For 1 hour I was able to predict the future with surprising accuracy, practically on the same level as ‘future vision’, but there was a catch. I could only predict based upon what I already knew. For example, I could not predict if someone was going to run into another person I knew nothing about. I used my precognitive abilities to see if the gem I left in my pocket would release the photo, it did no such thing. Moving on is such a hard thing to do. Even after a few years I still haven’t gotten over her.

I’ll have to keep a look out for when this precognitive ability happens again. Maybe I’ll try to make it happen again, it could be a very useful tool in my arsenal.

End of entry.”

At Steven’s house Garnet has gathered everyone she could find, except for Ronaldo. No matter what, she could not see him or what he would do.

“Everyone, I have some very troubling news.”

“They’re canceling Crying Breakfast Friends?!” Steven says in dismay.

“You still watch that?” Amethyst asks.

“Uh! W-well. I like the story and stuff. D-don’t judge me! Cartoons are awesome!”

“No. That’s not why I’ve called you all here.”

“Then what is it?” Connie asks.

“Hey, why didn’t you get Ronaldo?” Steven asks.

“That’s what I wanted to talk about.”

“Does something bad happen to him?”

“No. I can’t see _anything_ that’s going to happen with him. I tried to use my future vision to try and find him because I felt like something went wrong with my future vision and that’s when I realized what exactly went wrong. The problem is that I cannot see the possible futures that involve him except for vague notions of how everyone will react emotionally. I don’t know if this is just him or includes anyone else and I find that very concerning.” Garnet’s future vision can be thought of as a light that illuminates the fog of war that is the future. However, because Ronaldo also can predict the future he essentially becomes a mirror to Garnet and reflects the light back into her eyes. In fact, this was similar to something the diamonds learned the hard way a long time ago. Two Sapphires were going to meet each other and the results were disastrous; they became so distraught over being caught in an infinite loop of predicting each other predicting the other that it caused them to shatter from being overloaded.

All of them look at each other.

“And you have no idea what caused this?” Pearl asks.

Garnet crosses her arms and shakes her head.

“What does this mean?” Connie asks.

“I don’t know.”

In the lighthouse Ronaldo is looking at the various items which he feels strongly about along with an equal amount of crystals laying on a table.


	40. The Prime Kindergarten

Another month later, Garnet has been sure to keep tabs on Ronaldo as often as she can. She can’t know where he’s going to be or what he’s going to do, but she finds him the old fashioned way of just looking around and watches what he does almost to an obsessive degree. In a way, both Garnet is glad that her vision of the future has become clouded as it means that they actually feel surprises way more often. Since it is alien for her not to know what exactly might would happen she doesn't know how to handle the upsurge in emotions and so act very out of sorts.

Ronaldo has turned the lighthouse into his own personal lab. He painted the walls white and brought in a bunch of special equipment that he created by using the leftover nanorobots. Of course, he made a machine which was able to produce more nanorobots and therefore made all sorts of very difficult to make pieces of equipment. It would have cost him god only knows how much for all of what he has. He puts a magnet on top of papers with diagrams of gems and details about them. 

“I’ve imbued crystals with magic, but they’re not sentient. What do I need to do to accomplish this?” Ronaldo snaps his fingers. “I know! I’ll ask one of my teammates about where the gems came from!”

He walks out of the lighthouse and goes to Steven’s house. The place seems deserted. He looks all over the place. When he goes to check the bathroom, to his surprise, he finds someone in there. Peridot.

“Oh. Hey there. Welcome to my, um, er, I mean Steven’s bathroom!”

“Hi. No one else here?”

“Oh. No. No one else is here right now. Just me! Hehe.”

“Right. So, Peridot. I have a question.”

“Um sure. What is it?”

He takes out a bag that used to hold his marble collection. He opens it up and takes one of his imbued gems out and shows it to her.

“What do you think about this?”

“Um? It’s nice?”

He hands it to her. “Here.”

“Ah?” She takes it and when she does she can feel it emanating a presence. “Whoa!”

She looks at it with wide eyes and then looks back at Ronaldo. “Where did you get this?!”

“I made it.”

“ _You_ made this?”

“Well, alright. I didn’t create its base structure. I only imbued it with magic.”

Peridot holds the crystal up to the light. “This is unprecedented. But. Why isn’t it reforming?”

“Because it’s not a gem.”

“Eh?” She raises an eyebrow.

“Tell me. Where do you gems come from? How are you born?”

“Well we’re not 'born'. We’re created.”

“How so?”

“By using special machines which inject a seed of sorts deep into the ground. It incubates there until it has fully matured and emerges from the ground.”

“Ah. So, I can assume they did the same thing on Earth?”

“...Yes. They did.”

“Can you show me where these places were?”

“Ah. Mm. They aren’t exactly nice places to visit, you know? It’s dingy there. In that place, all hope is dead.”

“I still want to see it.”

She sighs. “Fine. Follow me.” She walks to him and hands the crystal back to him. She motions him to follow her.

They arrive at the Prime Kindergarten. “Oh my god.”

“Yeah.”

Ronaldo walks off the platform and goes up to the canyon wall. He sees where all of the earth gems emerged and then touches the wall.

“Wow. It’s even worse than you described it.”

“I tried to tell you.”

“No matter. I still want to investigate.”

“At least one of his having fun here. I guess.”

They walk a little ways and then Ronaldo sees it. A bunch of injector drills stuck to the sides of the walls. He points up. “Those were it, weren’t they? They were the machines which were used in the creation of new gems.”

“Yes. Perceptive. These are indeed the machines used to create new gems. They’re called injectors.”

“Goodness me. Just think of all the fascinating technology hidden inside one of those things!”

“Uhm.”

“Peridot! I’ve got to see what’s in one of those things!”

“I don’t know Ronaldo. Those things were very hard on the planet. I’d rather them be left alone.” She crosses her arms.

“Aw come on! Please? Aren’t we inventor buddies? Remember the dream team?”

Her eyes glisten a little bit as she remembers it. It was the first time she ever helped invent, or rather reinvent something completely from scratch. “Ugh. Alright. Just stand back a little.” She summons her crossbow and takes aim.

It takes about a minute to fully charge, but when she pulls the trigger a strong bolt of energy is released and throws her back. “Ow.”

The machine lands with a loud thud and more of the glass on the side shatters. He climbs up the machine to look inside of it. “Hm. I need to open up this tin can somehow. What do you think Peridot, how would you open one of these things?”

“I’d I would use a blow torch to make hole in the side!”

“A blow torch! Why didn’t I think of that? Cool. Oh wait a second. I don’t have a blow torch and neither does my dad.”

“I have a blow torch. It’s in… the barn.”

Ronaldo jumps off. “Aw. Bummer. Hey wait a minute. You have ferrokinesis, don’t you?”

“Well actually it’s more of a generalized telekinesis now, but yes I have a very high affinity to anything made of metal!”

“Why don’t you use that on this?”

“I’ve never used it to tear a hole in anything. Alright give me a sec.” Peridot remembers whenever she saw someone about to go hard at work on television and pulls up a nonexistent sleeve. She grabs the metal and tears a piece off with ease that surprises her.

“Wow. How much did that water do to me? Welp, there you go!” She walks out of the way.

He peaks into the hole and sees a lot of technology. “Damn, can hardly see a thing in here. I wish I had brought a flashlight with me!”

Peridot pulls more metal off and peaks her head in too. She uses her gem to illuminate the darkness. “Oh thank you!”

Ronaldo fiddles around with the machine and is able to extract various parts. He asks her what each one does and she gives him a rather detailed explanation of all of them. A lot of the parts have to do with the alignment of the drill and its speed. However, one part has him the most interested. It’s the part where it holds the ingredients for gem seedlings and the parts around it which dictate various other things about the type of gem being created.

“So what you’re saying is that it’s more of guide to what gem will probably be created as opposed to completely controlling it?”

“Well yeah. A proto-gem simply uptakes the various minerals around it. If you want a quartz, you need the materials to make a quartz. If want one of me, you need the right materials.”

“I see.” He holds up the mysterious part of the Injector.

“If that satisfies your curiosity, I think it best if we leave these parts behind.” She gets up.

“Wait.”

Peridot taps her foot.

“Growing gems here caused this damaged, didn’t they?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I think it stands to reason we could find a way to fix this place by examining these parts more closely.”

“What could we possibly find out that I don’t already know?! I was a professional kindergartener!” She points her arm at the Injector.

“What if we could do the process in reverse? Instead of sucking energy out, we push energy back in!”

“!” She points her finger to the sky to express an objection, but she can’t find any strong enough to invalidate it. “Oh alright. You know, you’re being really pushy today.”

“Sorry. Ever since I changed one of the only joys left in life for me is the one of discovery.” He deflates.

Peridot slouches her shoulders and sighs. “Let’s just go back to Steven’s house. I’ve had enough of this place.”

She walks away.

“This may not have been my intention coming here, but after seeing this place I'm starting to have my doubts. I hate giving up on this project, but perhaps it's better I abandon it? Learning how to heal this place might actually make things better! Maybe I can make up for my past flaws...” Ronaldo’s vision blurs as his eyes glow. “No. The only way to make up for flaws is to eradicate them. I will bring about true perfection. Make truly perfect gems. Damn the consequences!”

“You coming?”

Ronaldo shakes his head. His head hurts quite badly. “Coming!”


	41. Garnet’s Failure

Steven and Connie come through the front door.

“Hah. I know right?” Steven replies.

“Mm?” Connie looks over at Ronaldo and Peridot messing with some piece of alien technology.

“Whatcha working on guys?”

“Oh hello Steven. Ronaldo was just _so_ insistent that we bring back a piece of technology from the Kindergarten and so here we are."

“The Kindergarten, what were you guys doing there?” Steven ask.

“Ronaldo showed me something. Show them.” Peridot nudges him in the arm.

He gets out his marble bag and takes out four quartz crystals.

“Oh my god. Did you make more of them?” Connie inquires.

“Mhm. These ones were a little different though. They all absorbed objects instead of… fusing with them.” He holds up one. “This one ate the picture of my ex and me!”

They all glow a strange light. 

“So you took things that were close to your heart and you brought them to life?” Connie asks.

“Yes. I still can’t figure out why exactly it has to be those things. What is so inherently special about objects I care about?”

“That’s why they’re special. It’s because _you think they’re special_.” Steven suggests.

“Are you suggesting that my emotions were somehow transferred to inanimate objects?”

“Well, we named your sword Ronaldo’s Sentiments. So yes. We didn’t tell you earlier, but we felt it. Your emotions.” Connie says.

“Huh. I always thought I might would name the sword The Ronalfinator, but you named it is cool too.”

Steven says, “If that’s what you want-”

“Nono! Just leave the name alone. I think it’s more apt anyway. So, back to why we have this piece of technology. I actually think it may be possible to heal the kindergartens if we figure out how exactly this machine encourages gems to suck the life out of the ground.”

“Don’t count on it though.”

“Oh hush up, Peridot. I think it’ll work, we just have to keep trying.”

“My hopes of ever fixing those places were dashed long ago.”

They all give her a look of sympathy.

"But, Ronaldo... I am starting to get concerned about certain things you're doing. I don't know for certain, but I think you're messing in things you probably shouldn't be messing in." Steven says.

He is probably going to have a tough time getting the part or his notes back for him to recreate any part of a gem growing machine. He takes photos of his notes using his phone, there problem solved, right?

"What are you doing...?" Connie asks.

"Yeah. Why are you-"

Ronaldo deletes the photos and shows them they're gone. "There. I deleted them. Happy now?"

"Please... Don't be like this..."

Garnet walks into the living room.

“Oh hey Garnet!” Steven says.

“What are you all up to?”

Shit. Why did she have to come into the room?

“Ronaldo and Peridot are working on fixing the kindergartens!”

She crosses her arms. “You two need to stop, right now.”

“Why?” Peridot asks.

Garnet bites her lip.

“Yeah! What’s the big deal! Why do we need to stop this?”

“I… I don’t know! But what I do know is that something bad is going to happen if you do.”

“Right. Well, until you can give us a more concrete reason I think I’m going to just continue what I’m doing.” He says.

“Maybe you _should_ stop.” Steven says.

“Wh-” Ronaldo looks around the room. “Fine. I’ll be leaving then.”

He walks past them and goes out the door. “Wait!”

He doesn’t listen and just keeps walking away. When he gets far away from Steven’s house he takes out his phone and looks over the notes he took pictures of, good thing he was able to hide them. He walks to the lighthouse and opens the door to his private lab. It was a better place to conduct his experiments than his father’s basement. They wouldn’t be able to interrupt him here. He gets out a clean syringe and extracts some of his specially made serum and injects hisself. He throws the needle away and within a minute he starts feeling excruciating pain within his stomach. His hair becomes white and spikes up for a moment, but goes back to normal.

He gets back up after his pain has subsided and reads over the notes he created. There is a lot more clarity in his understanding of the hidden processes within the part they were examining. In a trance he recreates the piece he found in the Injector. He writes down notes so that he’ll understand it after he comes down from his trance.

In the succeeding weeks Stevonnie decides to go to the Prime Kindergarten. Something calls out to them and they follow. When they get there another thing hits them, what if Ronaldo was right when he was talking about healing this place?

“Putting energy in… instead of pulling it out.” They put their hand to the ground and focus on channeling energy from their self. They feel energy coming from… somewhere. It’s flowing through them and into the ground. When Stevonnie lifts their hand up they see that a hand-shaped area of plants are starting to grow. It’s so vibrant; it’s so full of life.

“It worked. It worked! He was right! I have to show everyone this. Maybe there’s hope for this place after all.”

They return and find Peridot in the bathroom. When they tell her she doesn’t believe them, but she’s not doing a very good job at hiding her excitement over that potential. They find Garnet, Amethyst, and finally Ronaldo, and ask all of them to come look at what they’ve accomplished.

When they return they see a spot that is 5 times the size in area as when they left.

“It was smaller than this when I first left it.”

“Incredible! How did you do it?” Peridot exclaims.

“We just did what he suggested.” They point at Ronaldo.

He doesn’t say anything, but he walks to the patch of plants and genuflects. “You mean. I actually made a difference in the world?”

He touches the plants and is filled with an immense feeling. “I never noticed before. Just how beautiful these are when they’ve been gone for so long.”

He starts crying. He can’t understand why. It means so much to him and he doesn’t understand why. It’s not over his achievement of figuring out what might would work to restore this place. No. It’s something completely different which he fails to grasp. Although he thinks maybe he really should stop his project, he's so close to completing it. If he messes up maybe Stevonnie can fix it, but then what is he even thinking he asks hisself. He shakes his head. What gives him the right to do this? Even still, he'll be damned if he's going to back down. He may have become self aware, but he still has a lot of growth to do. That's the nature of growing as a person. It's messy, convoluted, and can take a long time. He cleans his face up and stands back up.

“You’ll have this place completely healed in no time!”

Stevonnie and Peridot look over at Garnet. Stevonnie crosses their arms.

“What? WHAT?” Garnet looks over at Amethyst and Pearl for support, but they just look away from her. She looks back over at them and sees Peridot has put her hands on her hips and is tapping her foot. “DON’T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT!”

Garnet stumbles backward and then runs off trying to hold herself together.

They run after her and catch up to her as they find her hiding behind a broken Injector. Stevonnie has an idea and they unfuse. Steven takes Ronaldo’s hand and leads him over to Garnet.

“Whoa!”

“Ronaldo. Fuse with me.”

“Wh-what?!” He blushes.

“Come on. Don’t be shy. I just want to help all of you.”

Ronaldo reluctantly agrees and they are engulfed in a light. It is certainly a strange sight to behold, their fusion.

The fusion speaks to Garnet. “Alright. Now fuse with me. I think it could help both of you.”

“Steven I don’t-” Garnet thinks for a moment. She is very vulnerable right now and is desperate for guidance. She’s usually the leader, but this has shaken her to her core. All three of them ponder about the proposition, but then Garnet timidly offers her hand. The two beings are then surrounded by the light of fusion. The result is both a monstrous and heavenly being.

Ronaldo, and Sapphire and Ruby as Garnet, all resist each other. The only one that doesn’t resist is Steven. Even with this happening, they all glimpse each other’s true nature and sees that it is, in fact, the same. All of them unfuse.

Garnet and Ronaldo just look at each other for a moment. Maybe after this they would be at peace with each other.

Or is this the calm before an even greater storm?


	42. Death

He takes four canisters and places 1 of each of the 4 crystals he created from his emotions into each canister. One at time he takes them outside and programs it before burying it in the ground.

In the weeks after he buries them the ground starts to become darker and the plants die where they are. In July, Ronaldo observes the circles becoming larger over time and then they stop growing after a certain point. One day when Garnet was walking around she saw Ronaldo checking a certain spot. When she saw him look around to see if anyone were watching him she decides to investigate what he was looking at. Her heart sinks to the pit of her nonexistent stomach. She doesn’t know exactly what to do because all of her future visions become blurry over what might happen here. After a week of no longer growing in size he decides to dig them up. He takes the containers back into the lighthouse and opens them up and what he finds inside makes his heart melt. They’re so adorable! He comes up with names for all of them, Belle, Lexi, Lily, and Sophie.

He plays with his new creations. They all love each other and Ronaldo knows it. He plays with them as if they were regular pets. He picks Lily up and marvels at them. He hugs her and she nuzzles him. He holds her back out. Her eyes are as a stuffed animal. The reflection of light within her eyes shows a friendliness that would bring a lot of people joy. Her fur makes her a cotton ball in Ronaldo's hands and is soothing to the touch. She has genuine affectionate feelings for Ronaldo, even though she is 'little more' than a ‘lower’ animal. This makes her exactly like a regular pet.

“Even though you have many faults you’re more lovely than I could have imagined. Maybe perfection isn’t really necessary.” He pets the small gems he created and smiles. "I love you."

Garnet kicks the lighthouse door open. Steven follows behind Garnet. “Wow! Look at this place. So clean! Who did this to the lighthouse? It looks like some super secret research lab!”

They find Ronaldo with his pet gem creations. “Oh hello there! Have you seen my new pets? I call this one, Lily.”

Garnet grabs Ronaldo by the throat and raises him off the ground causing him to let go of Lily. He flails his legs around and tries to pull her hands off of his throat. “H-hey! What are you doi-?!”

“GARNET STOP!”

She doesn’t listen and continues to strangle him. Steven knocks down Garnet and with all of his might he poofs Garnet and bubbles them temporarily. Ronaldo’s gem pets were scared by Garnet and they huddled together, but when Steven tackled Garnet that caused Ronaldo to fly backward and land on his creations. Though his creations were gems, they were still very fragile and shattered from his weight.

“Hey, Ronaldo, are you hurt?”

“No. Just a bruised ego. And almost being killed, but who’s counting? What did I land on anyway? It felt kind of like... rocks...” He gets up and his heart races with anxiety. When he turns around it hits him. This can't be happening.

“No. No. No no noNONONO!” Ronaldo falls to his knees and scoops up the shards in his hands.

“My. My. I. I loved them. They were-” He sobs.

Steven taps the bubbles to get them later. He goes up and tries to comfort Ronaldo, but he’s despondent. He stays there for a little bit before leaving the lighthouse.

The darkness swirls around within his head. The anger and the hurt of having the ones he loved shattered into pieces. The tears cloud his vision and the color red floods his mind. The walls around him seem to warp around in space. The whiteness of the walls have a cruelness to them. Pieces of him had been destroyed and what he feels can’t be put into words. The feeling of hurt is so profound, it was like his very essence was torn asunder. He feels completely powerless and that makes him feel so empty inside. He seems to only find comfort and strength within his own hatred. This hatred is springing up from the hatred he already had of hisself. He drank and turned it toward his enemy. From this, the blackest of pitch arose within hisself. However, the purest of light also arose, but his mind was so clouded he couldn’t listen to that. It’s much too painful to face the truth. He puts his hands to his head and feels like his head is going to explode. The markings on his body light up with the intensity of the sun.

“This is all my fault. I. I.” He wants to crush everything in his path and make them suffer. In this moment of weakness he decided to let another part of him take over. His eyes light up with a white light.

“Imperfection must be eliminated.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, if any of you are starting to get a little confused by the time line of events I changed a minor detail in chapter 37 to make sure the length of time makes a least a little bit of sense.


	43. The Seed of Hatred

Ronaldo starts drawing up plans for something very interesting. On a white board he has drawn up various diagrams and equations. “I’m going to need a remote spot for this. One of the many gem warp pads would do nicely, but I’ll be carrying along a very large container and that will instantly draw suspicion if I try to get them to take me somewhere. Hm... Anyways, it’ll need to be in a place they aren’t going to visit for at least a year and far enough away that those rock people won’t notice if they do.”

He walks over to a cabinet, opens the top drawer, and takes out a folder which has schematics. He plays back an old recording on his phone.

“Special entry. Results of the teleportation experiments.

I have been examining the structure of the warp pads. They have an intricate design even from a powerful magnifying glass. I chipped off a very small piece. The pad actually managed to repair itself, I saw it regrow. It at least has the ability to repair very small amounts of damage, but I don’t know about significant damage.

After about 15 different versions I created the first working prototypes and they were able to tap into the warp pad’s stream, but I could only send small objects through. The objects I sent through were fairly innocuous, but it would be something Steven would recognize immediately. Old Cookie Cat tokens. They’re useless now, and not that valuable either since there are so many still in circulation, since the company is now defunct, but I know it has some value to him.

Of course I wanted to make sure that he would actually see the tokens so I used the machine I developed to monitor the warp space to send it ahead of them wherever they chose to go. The first time I wasn’t sure if sending in an object ahead of them like that would result in its arrival. So I kept watching the stream, waiting for them to return. When they did I ran down to Steven’s house. They made it back before I could. When I was standing there, winded at the doorway, Steven invited me in. I noticed he had put the token on the coffee table. Success.

The next object I sent was a bit bigger, a small stuffed animal. Steven brought it back with him and placed it on the couch this time. I waited about a week before I tried another experiment so as to not make them question these weird occurrences. The last one was an even larger stuffed animal and I waited until the next day to see if he put it on his bed. Once again, success. I wanted to start experimenting on live specimens, but I- I just didn’t have it in me to do that.

That reminds me. I had stumbled across an old video on TubeTube while I was eating Chinese takeout. It was an episode of crying breakfast friends. Surprisingly profound, for a narrative about comestibles.

End of entry.”

After hearing that recording his eyes glow. “I will begin the tests on live subjects immediately. Perhaps... rodents?”

Steven releases Ruby and Sapphire from their bubbles. They look at him with a slight twinge of guilt in their faces before they fuse together.

“Garnet! The hell’s the matter with you? You nearly killed Ronaldo in cold blood!”

“Steven. I had to. I would try again, but, in my future vision now, I can see that you are going to protect him with your life if necessary and nothing I say could persuade you. Whatever the consequences of that may be are too great to risk it. You even offer to fuse with him to keep him safe, though I don’t know what the outcome of that would be either. Regardless, he is still a danger to Earth.”

“What are you talking about!”

“Follow me.” She takes him back up to the cliff with the lighthouse.

“Steven, look down at the ground I’m standing on.”

He looks down and sees several black spots with dead plants. It’s like they’ve been scorched.

“This is the price everyone paid for his creations. I found them a few days ago before he dug them up.”

“Ronaldo is still a living being! And not only that, he’s a good friend to us all! Don’t you feel any remorse for your actions? I know there has to be compassion in you somewhere! Besides, me and Connie can heal the Earth if we need to.”

“For thousands of years I’ve been able to see many possible futures gems or humans may take based on their choices, but for some reason it stopped working for Ronaldo and only him right after I sensed that change in my future vision ability. Now as you know, I can't see what happens in the improbable, but this is of a completely different nature. I can't see anything about him even in the most likely scenarios. I can only get vague ideas about what he might would do, but most of them feel like they lead to extremely bad endings for everyone on this planet. I still see various possibilities, but they are shrouded by a thick haze even when I try to think of highly probable paths and that makes him an incredible threat to everyone. I concluded that he had to be eliminated so that we could all survive.”

“Why did you do this in such a calloused manner?”

“Is there a kind way to kill someone? You could be kind in the way of not causing more suffering than is necessary to end their life before they die, and in the moment they die they stop suffering, but, even if suffering _around_ a killing is minimized, can forcing against their will the life of another sentient being to stop _in and of itself_ ever be kind?”

Steven crosses his arms and looks down.

“My original intention was to stop him from being able to do something we would all regret. The only option I saw and still see is Ronaldo’s death.”

“How do you know he’s definitely going to continue down that path you said earlier? What if we're in a completely improbable timeline? What if you missed a possibility? Or what if you couldn’t even see a different possibility? On top of that, your future vision doesn’t work so well on him anymore!”

“I couldn’t just sit and do nothing. Sapphire might, but I won’t.”

“...Is that Garnet speaking? Or is that Ruby speaking?”

“I- That’s not important right now!” Garnet feels their component parts moving around in her. She turns around and hugs herself, trying to keep herself together. They turn to face Steven. “Steven… I. Need to be alone for a while.”

They walk off to the beach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I watched one of the new episodes it intrigued me and I decided to modify this chapter to match this new information portrayed. I didn't change the core problem Garnet is facing though. I must be in sync with the crewniverse or something. lol


	44. Degradation and Chaos

After the death of his loved ones, his creations, there are times where it feels like the emotions in his mind simply stop while the other times he has emotions that rampage within hisself like a hurricane. At those times where emotions have seemingly disappeared he is able to call upon calculative precognition. This differs from Sapphire's or Garnet’s future vision as this is based upon intelligence rather than magic, but the result is somewhat similar. Also, he is limited in how far ahead into the future he can see. So far he has only managed at most to see 2 days into the future and assign probabilities to each possible future pertaining to some objective. Sort of like a weather forecast, but for all events and not just the weather. However, in every future that involves Garnet he is unable to predict what may happen, his mind gets a lot of interference.

“I swear I will bring you all back.”

After Ronaldo finishes creating his new container he figures that if he wants to use the warp stream he should probably do it when Steven is going to be asleep. He supposes it could be possible that the gems could use them at any time since apparently they never sleep, but perhaps they stay at Steven’s house to protect him while he sleeps? At 3 in the morning he inputs the coordinates of a warp pad and flips on the prototype which causes a pillar of light to rise up from it. Oddly enough, from the way the warp stream works he was able to deduce all of the locations on earth which have a warp pad and created a map. Beside of him is a container which is bigger than him on a cart. He pushes the container into the light and then walks in after it. 

When he arrives he sees the forest he meditated in a while back. The light is still going leaving a pathway for him to get back home and to act as a beacon if he gets lost within these woods. When he gets far enough in the forest he opens the container up and sees the molten ingredients he filled it with and pours in a vial of his own blood, but it violently spits it back out and he gets out of the way of the rejected blood. 

He takes out a scroll of terrible and powerful magic he made from the remains of his beloved creations. He had a hunch it was going to reject it, so he takes out a pocket knife and slices his right palm and squeezes until some blood comes out and drips it onto the scroll. It hurts like hell, but he knew that in order to do this he must be willing to face physical pain. He could have used his left palm as it doesn't have as much feeling, but he thinks it wouldn't have as much power if he did that. It accepts his blood and the patterns shift around. He drops the scroll into the lava-like substance in the container and a pitch black plume of smoke comes up from it. He closes it back shut and presses a button. It starts drilling into the ground and it doesn’t go very far in. He keeps his right hand on his shirt to help protect his hand while it is bleeding. The top of the container is only about 2 feet below the surface. Ronaldo pushes the dirt back on top of the container and cover the area with leaves to make it look like the rest of the forest. With the help of the pillar he finds his way back to the warp pad and goes back home and into bed with gauze on his right hand.

Within a month his hair starts to thin out. Eventually, all of his hair falls out leaving him bald. His right eye has been changing drastically. The white of his right eye became darker and the color of his iris and pupil became lighter. Within a month his iris and pupil went from being a dark hazel and black to white and the sclera became totally black. Ronaldo got very dark sunglasses to hide the fact that his right eye has essentially inverted its colors. The lines on his face and body become essentially permanent and stay on him no matter what. As soon as any of this started Richard started to show concern for his son and the longer this went on the more it seemed like his son was wilting away like a plant without water.

“Son. I’m worried about you.”

Ronaldo just keeps his head hanging down. He doesn’t want to say anything. His heart is broken over the death of pieces of hisself. They were their own beings, but they were made from him, they were him and he was them. This is the same of all beings, they are each other and as one, but since they were created in this manner he puts more stock into this than everything else. Richard goes over and puts his hand on Ronaldo’s shoulder.

“You know we’re always here for you.”

Ronaldo looks up at his father, but because he has dark sunglasses on Richard couldn't fully comprehend how empty his son felt or how much his son longed for resignation, but hatred and the refusal to accept his loved ones deaths keeps pushing him forward.

Two days later after his father talked to him he is sitting at the table again he contemplates his role in the family business. That’s when a painful realization hit him. He perceives that he’s been useless to them.

“After all this time I only just fully realized how useless I am to the family business. I want to change that.”

He starts drawing up plans for how to improve the family business. One day he goes into the kitchen and starts writing down notes. Peedee is waiting for him to help him, but Ronaldo only watches and writes stuff down which frustrates Peedee. After seeing the state of the kitchen and happens with their food, he finds people who will act as neutral observers to talk about Frybo’s. He tells them to act like they’ve never been there before and integrate their questions about the place naturally in their conversation.

After gaining important intel about their customer base Ronaldo realizes that they should probably replace the frying oil more often and to cook differently as their products can be excessively greasy at times. He then decides he is going to go visit another food joint to see how they run things. He decides that he should probably leave Beach City to accomplish this. The next town over he finds a unique thriving fast food restaurant. He asks about their business and wants to see the kitchen if they wouldn’t mind. They oblige since he seems particularly interested and they want to show off their business.

“I live in Beach City, the town next to us. What would be your advice if I wanted to open my own place?”

“Well. First, _always_ listen to your customer base. They’re the ones you’re feeding so their desires are what matter. Two, keep a clean and organized kitchen. This helps cut down on money lost to ‘lost’ food, keeps the quality of your product up, and prevents your customers from getting sick. Three, be willing to change at any point in time to keep up with what’s going on.”

“Right. How does your walk in cooler look?”

“Let me show you.”

When he sees how everything is labeled and dated he starts to feel like a tosser because the walk in cooler at Frybo’s now looks like a total disgrace.

Using his newfound talents he is able to increase the amount of money taken in, the quality of the food, hire new people to work, and even starts to plan on branching out to other cities. At first, Peedee and their father was resistant to the idea of changing anything about the restaurant, but after seeing Ronaldo’s determination to change things they relent. They become thankful they got out of his way after seeing how prosperous the family business became. However, both of them become very concerned about how hard Ronaldo has been pushing hisself so hard that it’s been affecting his physical health. He lost a lot of weight from not eating as much.

Ronaldo is hard at work at the kitchen table drawing up new plans for the business. Richard walks up and puts his hand on his son’s shoulder. “Hey, son. Why don’t you take a break for a few weeks? I mean, I really appreciate what you’re doing for the family business for all of us, but your wellbeing matters to both of us too. Why not go out and do what you used to do and look for weird stuff?”

He looks up at his father and says, “There’s only one thing that matters now, but you wouldn’t understand.”

Richard takes his hand off his son’s shoulder and looks at him with a look that communicates ‘please tell me what’s wrong’. The sunglasses hide so much from him and he simply can’t gauge what’s going on. When Ronaldo goes back to making designs and ignores him Richard, with a look of regret in his eyes, walks out of the kitchen.


	45. August 15th

Ronaldo was laying down out in the grass in the middle of the afternoon sleeping. He started to have a dream. In the mists of his dream he sees something that occurred in the past.

Many, many millenia ago there was an inventor who grieved over the loss of their lover. Their spouse died in their arms and they blamed their self for their death. They became convinced they needed to change reality in order to make things right. Maybe they could bring them back? They worked hard, day and night, to create a new body for their dearly departed that would never age and never get sick. They created a serum to increase their abilities to help them to accomplish this goal. Unfortunately, it backfired on them and they became consumed by their lust for perfection. This caused the emergence of the first Gem Empire and set in motion a cycle. Each time, the previous Gem Empire is completely wiped out and all life is destroyed in the galaxy. Every iteration goes through the same motions, a rebellion occurs which then causes forced fusion experiments which lead to a cluster being made. Their superweapon is used against them by the next iteration of Gem Empire. In a last ditch effort the previous diamond authority use their power of corruption to try to stop the cluster, but it backfires. They put so much energy into the attack that they end up destroying themselves. The cluster shatters and sends a shockwave throughout the galaxy and the only gem that survives is the new White Diamond. She is thrown into another galaxy with the memories of the past wiped from her memory by the shockwave and the process repeats all over again.

He wakes up when he receives a call from Connie. He has a feeling that he should answer it so he does.

“Hello?”

_Ronaldo! How have you been?_

“Oh. Doing just dandy. What’s going with you?” His voice betrays his true feelings of emptiness.

_Just the usual. Say, would you like to come to Steven’s birthday? We’re planning on surprising him, or at least trying, and we’d love for you to come over. We all miss you, you know?_

“Aw, shucks.”

_No really! We do!_

“Alright. Don’t want to disappoint friends then.” He says with a little bit of genuine enthusiasm. 

_That’s the spirit! Now remember, his birthday is on the 15th. It’ll be at his house. Come by as soon as you can, preferably before noon._

“Okay, before noon. Gotcha.”

_Anyways. Really, whatcha been up to?_

“Well…”

The conversation mulls on for a good hour. They mostly just shoot the shit and nothing of substance gets discussed.

_Well, I should be heading off now._

“Alright.”

_Oh. And hey._

“Yeah?”

_Sorry about your, well you know. Steven told me about that a while back and I meant to get in touch with you, but you wouldn’t answer. I really do hope you’re feeling better._

Connie hears him make a shocked sound. Then she hears him say, _thanks_.

“See ya later.”

_Bye._

Connie hangs up the phone.

On the 15th Connie decides to keep Steven distracted by any means necessary. When it reaches about noon Steven is wondering about if they’re having his birthday party at his house. They’ve been at Funland for a while and Steven starts heading for the exit and Connie looks at her phone. Darn it! It’s 11:30 A.M. She needs to think of something and quick. Then she gets an impish idea and she grabs his arm. 

“W-whoa!” He’s somewhat surprised. Here? In the amusement park? He’s not complaining, it’s just a strange spot he thinks to hisself.

She leads him to a somewhat hidden place in the park. When they’re in the shadow of a ride and behind some walls she kneels down and unzips his pants. “Wait. I don’t have any-”

“I don’t either, but that doesn’t mean we can’t do other stuff. Now try not to-”

“I won’t!” He blushes.

While that was happening Ronaldo arrived at Steven’s house with a lunchbox in hand. He was able to find the rest of his team and Greg. They all greeted him even Pearl, except Garnet did not.

“Ahahaha what’s with your head, dude? You ain’t got no hair!”

“Shaved it off.”

“Don’t those make it too dark for you to see in here?” Peridot asks pointing at his sunglasses.

“These maximize my coolness, though. Don’t they?”

“Yes, indeed. Quite cool!”

Ronaldo feels his phone vibrate and takes it out.

Connie: _Hey, are you at Steven’s house yet? And if you are, is everyone ready?_

“Hey everyone. Are you all ready for Steven’s arrival?”

Everyone gives him a nonverbal yes even Garnet.

Me: _Yes. Everyone is ready_  
**Seen 11:55 A.M.**

Connie: _Alright! We’ll be there soon_

Ronaldo puts his phone away and they move into position. Peridot drags Ronaldo to where she’s hiding. It’s easier to hide him now that he’s as thin as a toothpick.

When Steven opens the door and walks into the house it looks as though no one was home. Sweet. Now they can-

“SURPRISE!” They jump out from where they’re hiding.

“AHH!” Steven almost falls backward, but Connie catches him.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEVEN!”

“Aw man.” He mutters to hisself, but Connie hears him.

“Oh silly. That’s for later~” She whispers to him.

Greg and Garnet bring the birthday boy, or maybe the birthday man since he’s 18 now and all, a cake with lit candles. He blows out the candles and wishes for something, but it’s a secret.

Then Steven sees Connie looking at Ronaldo with a look of worry on her face. When he looks over at him he can see why she is looking at him like that. Somehow, Ronaldo managed to hide hisself from any of them for weeks. The markings on his body were very visible and his whole body became gaunt, but he shouldn’t have lost that much weight in that short of a timespan.

Ronaldo walks over to Steven and opens the lunchbox and hands him a package.

“What is it?”

“It’s a Cookie Cat ice cream sandwich.”

“WHAT?” He grabs it out of his hand and rips it open.

“Oh my god. It really is. Where did you find this!?”

“I found it in the back of my freezer. Must been there for years, but I think it’s probably still good?”

Steven takes a bite from it. It’s in way better condition than one might think. “Mmmmm. So good. Thanks Ronaldo! You’re the best!”

“Haha. Yeah. Happy birthday. Oh before I forget!” He hands him a collector's item from Crying Breakfast Friends.

Ronaldo goes to sit down, but Amethyst decides to be a bunghole and trips him.

“AH!” He falls down and his sunglasses fall off. Peridot picks them up.

“I miss having a pair of sunglasses. Now I remember how cool they made me look.” She smiles. Ronaldo gets up and when they see his right eye Peridot shrieks. “WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR EYE?!”

Ronaldo yanks his sunglasses out of her hands and runs out of the house.

The party was disrupted a lot because of that and it seemed really hollow without him. When Steven and Connie were alone that evening their drives were killed and they just didn't want to. Poor guy, they hope he starts getting better. They really don't like seeing a close friend suffer like that.


	46. Ronaldo's Freezing Heart

Ronaldo avoided them for an entire year. One day he noticed his hair starting to grow again, but it was completely white. The shape it grew into was not his normal curly fries hair, but instead into spikes. Another thing that started happening, but took him a while to notice, is that what used to be the iris and pupil in his right eye was changing shape. It was turning from the normal shape of a circle into a sharp diamond. The more this happened, the more his friendly side became buried. Within half a year he stopped wearing his normal clothes and always wore a suit and tie everywhere. He looked like a men-in-black with his black suit, sunglasses, and briefcase. His past self would be appalled. He was all business and no joy. His father had always wanted him to take the business more seriously, but was it worth this cost? Richard got what he wanted, but he didn’t want what he got.

During the year Ronaldo managed to turn the family business into a chain with 10 restaurants in total across Delmarva. Of course, they’re still wholly owned by their family at this point. In March when he was visiting one of the restaurants he saw someone accidentally spill a bucket of dirty water from trying to mop up the floor.

“What in the hell are you doing!” Ronaldo scolded him.

“Oh it was an accident!”

“Boy you better shape up or ship out! There's no space for weaklings here! Those who fail to meet expectations...”

He walked up to the employee and takes his sunglasses off with his eyes closed. He opened his eyes. “Must be purged from the order.”

The employee backed up a little from his employer getting in his personal space. Goosebumps spread all across his body and shivers as if he had been put into the arctic. There was such a coldness that emanated from this man. His spiky white hair glowed in a otherworldly light as he stared at him. God, that eye. It was as though he had a demon's eye being completely black with a white diamond shaped iris.

Ronaldo puts his sunglasses back on. His hair stopped glowing. “I mean… must be fired.”

Also during that year, one night, while Ronaldo was sleeping, a nightmare woke him up. He was walking down the pier and then he heard an altercation. When he gets close enough to see what’s going on it’s actually hisself being choked by Garnet. When she noticed him she turns her head and turns into a demonic looking entity and goes after him. His eyes flung open nearly falling out of his bed and he was covered in a cold sweat. Looking over at the clock he saw that it said 3:33 A.M. He got up out of his bed and looked out his window while running his hand through his spiky hair. That's when he saw someone move in the shadows due to the fact his vision is much different than that of a human now.

He opened the window and looked out. He wasn’t able to see who it was, but perhaps that was a good thing. Garnet had actually managed to find his home by using her future vision in an indirect manner. She thought about killing him in his sleep, but then she thought about how Steven reacted. She thought back to when Rose killed Pink Diamond and wonders why it’s different this time. Maybe it was easier to kill Pink Diamond because she had become _the villain_. _A demon_. She didn’t have her own thoughts or feelings she was just a cold unfeeling machine bent on the total destruction of Earth. It was easy to do too after the way she treated many of her subordinates. Then Garnet wonders if Greg would have posed the same threat to Earth would Rose have killed a human she loved so dearly? The one who opened her eyes to so many new and alien experiences? Even though Rose was hardened to the realities of war would she have had it in her to kill someone she was that bonded to? Garnet actually does care about Ronaldo deeply as a friend and it was difficult enough to try and get herself to kill him the first time, but after what Steven did she couldn’t do it now. She left and didn’t harm him at all.


	47. His Eye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music for second and third paragraphs:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDJzf5jqccw

When the gem has finally finished incubating he has this gut feeling it's done. He puts on an appropriate attire for a trek into the woods. He flips on the switch and his makeshift warp pad hums as its surface glows. As he travels through the wood to retrieve his finished creation he is starting to have doubts about whether this really is the right thing to do. Walking through the forest he gets the feeling that the forest has not hostility or hatred, but pity and, strangely to him, love toward him. The woods have such a pleasant pine smell as a breeze blows through. The squirrels chatter as they chase each other around and the birds sing their endless and sweet melodies. Even though there is potential danger in woods, there is overall peace.

When he reaches the radius, which is about a mile in length, of where his machine has been working he stops. The trees, the grass, the shrubs, they’re all blackened and dead. There are no animals nor insects here to be found; only the sound of wind and an oppressive fog. All the scenery up until then had been peaceful. He slowly walks onto the tract of earth he killed. Only a few steps in and he starts to sob. "I did this."

He still chooses to let his desire to see the revival of his loved ones push him forward despite his remorse. When he opens the machine he finds that a beautiful diamond has been formed within it. He grabs it and there are so many conflicting forces within him. It feels like raging storm of contradictory feelings and it’s confusing him greatly. A part of him cries out for help into the abyss and that’s when his team is hit with a strong feeling that they need to go to a certain place.

Ronaldo steps back into his lab from the warp pad and places the diamond on a counter. He thinks about how much he has changed the basement because of all of this. It took him a long time, but he made the ceiling much 'higher' by digging out more of the basement. After he brought a stool he sits and waits for the gem to wake up, but the gem just sits there.

“Just look at it’s immaculate beauty. This! This is my perfect creation!” He holds up the white diamond he retrieved from his equipment.

“But. Why is it just sitting here, lifeless?”

Then his eyes start to glow white. Ronaldo says in two voices at once, “I must have perfection!”

“Ronaldo! Stop this! Right now!” Garnet exclaims as the other Crystal Gems burst into his lab through the secret entrance he created.

“Wh-what is that?” Stevonnie asks.

“No way. But how-?” Peridot says with her eyes open so wide that her eyeballs would fall out if they could. "And... You. You. YOU TRICKED ME! I helped you out in the kindergarten, but you were just using me! I thought we were inventor buddies! I- I TRUSTED YOU!"

He has a painful wakeup call and a tear rolls out of his left eye and feels such a sadness. Then he looks over at Garnet and is reminded of why he's doing this in the first place. “You Crystal Gems will not stop the march of perfection. I will destroy you all and your impurities!”

“Why are you doing this?! And what are you talking about! You’re part of the Crystal Gems!” Stevonnie tries to remind him.

“I must purge the existence of flaws. They only cause trouble! My creations died because of it! I loved them and they were destroyed right before my eyes! I failed them with my uselessness and imperfection!”

“Don’t you think this might be causing trouble?”

“I- I have to do this! What would you know about this anyway? My whole life I had been walking around blissfully unaware of myself. Of the nature of reality. Of how useless I was! All that time alone taught me this! The loneliness. The suffering. It taught me everything I needed to know.”

“But this isn’t the way! It’s okay to have flaws. You don’t have to be perfect for anyone, including yourself! And you shouldn’t blame yourself for their deaths, there was nothing you could do!”

“I-” He holds onto his head like it’s going to explode. Then he remembers what happened because Garnet tried to kill him and becomes enraged, but he starts to feel like it’s wrong to hold onto hatred like this.

“I must annihilate flaws.” He says in two voices. Ronaldo, however, is starting to get a grip on hisself.

“Wait! NO! I changed my mind! This isn’t such a good idea! It’s not worth it! You can’t! GRAAAAAH!” Ronaldo holds his hands to his face and then a brilliant white light bursts from his right eye socket and the diamond floats into the air. He falls down screaming while covering his face. They see blood dripping on the floor and his hair changes back to its normal shape, but is still white. He’s laying on the floor on his side quivering and screaming in anguish. The white light is circling around the newly minted diamond.

“Ronaldo!” Stevonnie tries to get to him, but Garnet holds her back.

The white light spins so fast that it looks like a ring. It comes closer and closer inward until. A new powerful and cruel gem is created. Her body forms and towers above everyone in the room.

“Greetings. I, am White Diamond. Thank you. I am your lust for perfection finally freed from its shackles. As payment for your services, I will make you perfect as well. By ending your life.” She picks Ronaldo up, but before she can do anything Stevonnie throws her shield as hard as she can at the new diamond’s hand. Out of surprise she lets go of him. Stevonnie runs as fast as she can to catch him, and thank god she was able to. The Crystal Gems retreat from the lab.

“It matters not where you hide. For _I_ am the _true_ order of the diamonds. I will crush you along with those impostors and all those who follow them. This shall be the true Homeworld!” New White Diamond proclaims and jumps out of the lab creating a huge hole in the ceiling of the lab and the roof of his father’s house above.

When they exited the secret tunnel Stevonnie licks her hand and puts it on Ronaldo’s eye socket. She expects his eye to grow back, but the eyelids of where his right eyeball used to be simply heal shut.

“Uh. That wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“It’s alright Stevonnie. I only lost my eye because I made the wrong decisions.” Then he laughs. “I guess I learned my own lesson the hard way, huh?”

“Ronaldo...” They say.

Stevonnie stands up. They start to glow with a pink light. Their hair curls and becomes pink. Then it turns back to black, but looks like outer space filled with stars. They look back over at the rest of their team and they see Stevonnie with pink lips. “I will stop this.”

Before they could say anything they run out of the shelter, jump high into the air, and fly after NWD.

“Where are they heading off to?” Pearl asks helplessly.

“If it helps at all. My creation is probably going to have taken my knowledge with her too, because I can’t remember most of the science or math I learned. I also seemed to have lost a lot of memories about certain things that seemed like they were important. God! I wish I knew what they were!” Ronaldo tells them.

“Given what she knows then. If I were her, I would go to where the barn used to be if my goal were to conquer Homeworld.” Peridot suggests. Ronaldo remembers something vaguely about something powerful being related to that barn, but what was it?

NWD hovers over the farm. She sees a crater where the barn used to stand. “Those impostors will be destroyed by their own hands. With the help of the gem geo-weapon the so-called 'Gem Empire' will be utterly annihilated. Now, to find a way to extract this without destroying the planet. Its mineral resources, warmth, and vital force, will prove to be most useful in my conquest.”

“STOP!”

NWD sees Stevonnie approach. They stay floating in the sky. 

“Leave that thing alone! It’s too dangerous to try to disturb it!”

“Hm. Have I met you before? ...It seems like I met you a lifetime ago, but you looked a lot different. Ah. It matters not. You will not get in my way. Imperfection has met its reckoning.”

“I am Steven and Connie. I am Stevonnie Mahesniverse. I am _one_ with the source. We _will_ stop you.” They draw the Guardian of the Earth and summon the shield. Then Stevonnie, and, in proportion to them, the sword and the shield, grow to the size of NWD.

They fly fast toward each other. Stevonnie is about to strike, but NWD kicks her in the back. She grabs Stevonnie, spins her around, and then lets go, launching Stevonnie into the ground. They crash into ground which leaves a large crater around them. Laying on their stomach they pick themselves up and cough. They wipe their mouth to get some of the blood off. NWD is quickly approaching.

“Stevonnie! Get up!”

“Yeah! We have to keep going!”

All three of them dissolve into the source. The sword and shield become the same as Stevonnie’s hair. The stars shine brightly within. They grip their sword tightly. NWD creates 9 copies of herself and close in on Stevonnie. They jump into the air and throw the shield like a disc. It destroys 4 of the copies in a puff of smoke. The others get out of the way. Stevonnie’s clothes change into Rose’s clothing and it changes from white to looking like a nebulae with many stars from deep space.

The other Crystal Gems arrive on the scene.

“It’s a good thing Ronaldo’s prototype was actually compatible with gem technology. Not that surprising though given-” Peridot is interrupted.

“Whoa.” They all look over at the fight going on between Stevonnie and NWD. Two giants which tower over them clashing with each other over the fate of the galaxy. They were so distracted they didn't even notice that the warp pad's light has vanished.

All four of them decide they would be more helpful as a fusion. They become a large fusion indeed. They call themselves Moissanite and go in to help Stevonnie, leaving Ronaldo all by hisself. He starts to run to a safer spot for a fragile human like hisself.

He hears a large rumble and the ground starts to shake beneath him. He knows something powerful is being awoken. The gathering of energy in this area due to the fighting is awakening the cluster and its bubble is forming microscopic cracks. Whatever it is he knows it can’t be good news.

From far away he watches. Neither side can gain the upper hand. Then it occurs to him that they will never win in this manner. He has an idea. NWD took all of the power Ronaldo had, but he gets into a meditative pose and the markings on his face light up one more time.


	48. Memories of the Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvMRQfo0Pes

Stevonnie notices something different. A thought is coming into their mind that isn’t theirs. It seems like its coming from the source, in other words themselves, but it also seems like it’s coming from someone in particular. Ronaldo was communicating directly with them, and they realized who was ‘talking’.

This fought cannot be won here in this way. Stevonnie must bring NWD to the undifferentiated.

“Hold her down if you can manage it! I have an idea!”

“I’m on it.”

She is able to restrain NWD. “Quickly! I can’t keep her like this for long!”

Stevonnie dives in and grabs the gem on NWD’s head. Then they focus on the source. All of them freeze. The entirety of the current group of Crystal Gems and their enemy are in the undifferentiated. 

Some of them are already 'merged'. Steven and Connie. Ronaldo.

Some of them 'merge' immediately. Ruby and Sapphire. They let go of each other and become each other; become everything.

One of them 'merge' with a little hesitation. Peridot.

The rest of them resist, so they stay in a state of ‘losing’ themselves and then ‘gaining’ themselves over and over. Amethyst. Pearl. New White Diamond. They all have problems accepting 'themselves' let alone accepting that they are all one.

Some of time all of them enter into a state where their individual identities are the same or rather no longer matter like they had before. The distinction between each other, between enemies, disappear if only for a brief time. The ones who don't resist realize they were already the same. They realize they were always all a part of the biggest fusion of them all. One that cannot compare to regular fusion. For fusion is only a reflection of this true fusion of everything. Perhaps it should be said that everyone is actually a 'fission' and fusion is an attempt to return back to the original state. This true fusion is everyone and everything including true love and that means that everyone is made of love, not just Garnet. What this means is that people need only remove the muck from their eyes and behaviors to see they already love unconditionally because they _are_ that unconditional love. That may seem strange to say given how a lot of people behave, but their true 'self' is love. So if someone wants a romantic partner does that mean any partner will do? _**Absolutely not.**_ One cannot trust absolutely everyone because people can choose to act in hurtful ways which hide their true love from view. Don't listen to the fear nor the hype. Listen to the still voice within oneself, in other words intuition, and it will show who can be trusted and who can't. The source. It was now, it is now, and forever will be _now_.

“No! I don’t want to remember!” NWD struggles more. Memories start to flood into her. There’s any inkling of a recollection of ‘who’ she used to be.

“Why couldn’t I be more like them? It hurt so badly to know they looked at me like I was a mistake. I wanted to be perfect just like them, or how perfect I thought they were.” More memories flow in.

“This isn’t the first time either. This has happened hundreds of times across as many galaxies. I have seen it many times over, but I could never recall from one shattering to the next. Who was the first White Diamond? Who was the first Pink Diamond? Too many memories to tell ‘who’ each was.”

She pauses.

“No matter how much I want perfection I can't do this to them. I love them too much.” She pauses again.

"No. No. No..." They all feel her sadness. "White Diamond- She really hated me that much? She really wanted me... shattered? Why did I have to recall all of this? Why did I have to learn this? This place is awful... I want to leave.” Pink Diamond wishes she were out of here. In the waking world, the world of distinctions, NWD’s gem turns pink and her body shrinks to the size of the last Pink Diamond.

All of them return. Moissanite unfuses immediately. Pearl and Amethyst are freaking out. They were deeply disturbed by the state of egolessness. It has harmed them greatly. Garnet talks to them to try to comfort them. They all forget about the rumbling that happened, but the cluster’s bubble is still in a fragile state. Hopefully it will get better because none of them except Ronaldo knew anything was wrong with the cluster. He figured that when the fighting stopped that would solve the problem and he no longer remembers any details about the cluster.

Stevonnie shrinks back down to her normal size. Far away from them Ronaldo comes back into his body. Pink Diamond holds her left arm with her right arm. She’s alive again she thinks to herself. Her gem is no longer in her belly, but upon her forehead. Stevonnie approaches Pink Diamond, sensing that she is turning inward.

“What will you do now? You have newfound life, what will you choose to do next?” Stevonnie asks her.

“I’m getting away from you! That’s for sure! You’re the one who shattered me when I was down thousands of years ago!”

“That wasn’t me. That was my mother.”

“‘Mother’?”

Garnet walks up to Pink Diamond.

“What do you want, you abomination? Here to rub it in? To laugh at my defeat?” Pink Diamond says with invectiveness.

Garnet only holds out her hand. Pink Diamond doesn’t understand the gesture at all and just looks at her hand. She puts her hand back down.

Ronaldo runs back to the scene of the battle. When he sees Pink Diamond he stops in his tracks. His creation changed so drastically. It shocks him, but he wonders if it’s actually safe to be around her. She notices him looking at them from a distance.

“Hey you! What are you doing just standing there? What do you want?”

Ronaldo walks up to the group with caution. 

“Would you hurry up already?”

He starts walking at normal pace. When he is conversation length away he asks with paternal concern, “Hey, are you alright?”

Pink Diamond looks at him confused and then raises one eyebrow. “Do I know you?”

Ronaldo points at her gem and she backs away a little. “I created that. Your gem.”

She looks up at her new gem and back at him. It takes her some time to process, but then she remembers him. “Oh.”

She looks around at the scenery. “Things have certainly changed from all the time I was gone. Since when can humans create gems?”

“He is no ordinary human anymore. He was changed by ancient gem technology and that helped him tap into his full potential. The same that weakened you. When you split from him he still retained the spiritual lessons he gained. And, through the process of change, we learned from each other.” Stevonnie tells Pink Diamond.

“So the thing that allowed you to kill me also ended up being the thing that brought me back?”

Stevonnie nods.

Pink Diamond puts her hand to her lips. “I think I want to explore this planet. Who knows what else has changed?”

She looks Ronaldo over and says, “You know what? I could use a pet. Yeah. Come along with me, human.”

“A-A pet?!” Pink Diamond climbs onto his right shoulder and sits.

“No time to waste! Off we go!” She shakes him.

“Okay okay! Take it easy!”

Stevonnie chuckles a little bit. “I think you might have a new friend.”

Ronaldo smiles at Stevonnie’s comment. He turns around and heads for the warp pad.

“Wait!” Garnet says.

He turns back to face her.

“I’m sorry for- almost k-”

He looks at her for moment, but then Pink interrupts. “Come on lead feet! You humans only have so long to live!”

He goes back to heading toward the warp pad.

“My name’s Ronaldo.”

“Yeah, whatever… Ronaldo.”

Stevonnie chuckles again. She tilts her head and smiles. “I think this is a beautiful new beginning.”


	49. Freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue

A few years later.

“Pink, could you come this way?” Steven asks.

“I guess. Where are we going?”

“To see someone.”

“Who?”

They reach the burning room. All of the corrupted gems had been saved, all, except for 1. Steven jumps up and gets the pink bubble.

“She really wants to see you.”

“A… Jasper?” She looks confused.

Steven pops the bubble away from them. Jasper reforms in her corrupted form. She roars at Steven and goes after both of them, not recognizing either of them. Pink Diamond stands in front of Steven.

“Stop! You wanted to see _me_ , right?”

Jasper flinches a little bit. She moves backward and Pink Diamond follows. Jasper stops moving and then curls up, shaking. Pink Diamond puts her hand on Jasper.

“So you’re a Jasper huh?”

“She was part of your court during the rebellion.”

“I had many Jaspers as well as other types. Though, I do remember one. She did come from the Beta Kindergarten, but she was an exceptional specimen.” Then she continues. “What happened to you?”

“She was corrupted after fusing with another corrupted gem.”

“Corruption.” When she hears that word it feels like cold deadness, but she doesn’t know what it means. “Well. I’m so sorry that happened to you, Jasper.”

The corruption recedes enough until Jasper has a semblance of her original face. “My… Diamond?”

Then she looks over at Steven.

“Rose.” Her eyes narrow. “Come to torment me with an illusion? Are there no depths you aren’t willing to sink to? ... I’LL SHATTER YOU!”

The corruption starts to take back over. She tries to charge after Steven, but Pink Diamond holds her back. “I KNOW THIS CAN’T BE PINK DIAMOND! YOU SHATTERED HER MILLENIA AGO! A SHATTERED GEM CANNOT SIMPLY RISE FROM THE DEAD!”

“Jasper! Stop it! I am not fake!” She forces her to the ground.

Jasper looks up into her face. It was then she notices that Pink Diamond’s gem is on her forehead, not her belly like it’s supposed to be.

“You’re not Pink Diamond. How dare you mock me, you impostor!” She tackles Pink Diamond and pins her to the ground. She goes to try to shatter her gem, but Steven jumps in kicks Jasper away. Jasper hits the wall.

“Pink. The Diamonds caused corruption.”

“Yeah? Okay, but I can’t undo what 3 diamonds did by myself!”

“You don’t have to!” Steven holds out his hand.

Pink Diamond looks at him in disgust. “No way! I’m not going to do that with you!”

“Don’t you want to save her?”

She looks behind her and sees Jasper starting to pick herself back up. Then she turns back to Steven. “Fine. But I’m only doing it for her.”

Jasper fast approaches them, corruption nearly taking every last ounce of control left again. The room is filled with pink light. They become a fusion simply called Quartz. Four arms, four eyes, two gems. They grab hold of Jasper’s head and engulf her into a pink light. After the light goes away Jasper has returned to her original form.

“You. Really are her?”

Quartz nods.

“But! Why? WHY! Why are you fused with a different type of gem?! And of all the gems to fuse with, you fuse with ROSE QUARTZ?!”

Quartz puts one of their hands on Jasper’s shoulder. “Things have changed.”

Jasper gets up. She stumbles backward a bit and then turns around and runs away.

“Why did she run away?”

“I know why, but that doesn’t matter right now. She’s free. That’s what matters.”

They unfuse and walk out of the room. There's a slight rumble, but it's only for a moment. Now that all the corrupted have been set free from their torment the burning room is a lot emptier, but that’s for the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wouldn’t you agree?
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZ3YB9pZx_U - Steven/Connie theme in both this story and the original! It doubles as this whole story's theme too.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading!


End file.
